It dawns on me as I am in the first few days of this blog that many of you might be thinking, why would Laura write on this subject?  Who does she think she is?  If I was going to start a blog on cooking, I would need to have a culinary degree or at least be an “expert” in the field.  If I was going to blog about photography, I would hope to have some courses under my belt and have some major knowledge on the subject.  Do I consider myself an “expert” on God, Jesus, the Bible, spiritual matters and the like?  Definitely not!!  I don’t have a seminary degree; I don’t claim to have extraordinary knowledge regarding the Bible.  Then, what qualifies me to write this blog for the Lord?  The same thing that QUALIFIES each of us to live this Christian life, to open our mouths and share a word of testimony about the Lord and His saving power…Jesus living within me!!

          In addition, I KNOW it’s something God has called me to do.  I keep hearing that “still, small voice” saying, “Write for me” so this blog is just one way I’m attempting to follow through.

          I’m Laura Watson Neeley, a woman who wants to be obedient and totally surrendered in ALL areas of my life to Jehovah God and Jesus, my Savior.

          As a child growing up, I was happy and secure.  My happiness and security came from being loved by my parents and grandmother who lived with us, as well as extended family.  I was close to all of them.  We attended church on a fairly regular basis and through my home life and church involvement, good moral values were instilled in me.

          Even though I was fairly happy and secure and was a “good” kid, during a Vacation Bible School service, I realized something was missing in my life.  I think I had known that for a while, but this service brought it to a head.  God convicted me of my sin. I realized WHY God sent Jesus to earth and that He died for me. That next Sunday, I made the most important decision I’ve ever made in my life.  I prayed for forgiveness of my sins and asked Jesus to come into my heart and life.  I wanted him to be my Savior; I wanted the gift of eternal life (to live with him forever in heaven); and I wanted Him to take control of my life. 

          My parents were thrilled with this step, as I was, but because I was only 10 years old my dad was doubtful as to whether or not I was mature enough to fully understand and comprehend this life-changing decision.  I overheard him discuss his doubts with my mom and soon doubts began to grow in my heart and head about my decision. 

          During this time, I prayed (as a 10-year old girl with childlike faith and trust) and asked God to assure me of my decision.  I wanted to know that if I died tonight, I’d go to heaven because Jesus had really come to live in my heart.  I wanted to know He was real and living inside of me at that very moment I had prayed!  Two weeks after I first prayed and asked God for confirmation, I was baptized.  It was one of THE most unforgettable experiences of my life!  As I “arose” out of the water after the preacher dunked me, I felt like a pure and new creature.  I truly felt as every sin I had every committed was taken away in that split second!!  I was whole and free!!  Mom was standing in the baptistry waiting for me, and she was crying because she said I was as white as the robe I was wearing.  There was a new glow radiating from me.  What she saw on the outside, I felt on the inside!!  Jesus had washed all my sins away and made me feel clean.  At that moment all my questioning was removed, and I was CERTAIN that Jesus had truly come into my heart and life.  No more doubts.  I thanked God for him answering my prayer.

          Since that unforgettable night, that peace I felt in that moment of coming up from the water has continued to be with me.  Looking back, I know Jesus came in the minute I first prayed.  He just allowed me to have that special experience when I was baptized to satisfy me and confirm my salvation.

          I followed the Lord in high school, looking up to my Youth Minister, Larry Lawrence, as my spiritual mentor and someone I wanted to emulate.  He had a love and enthusiasm for the Lord that was contagious!!  My faith grew by leaps and bounds under his teaching and guidance.  His wife, Anna, made an impact on me as well.

          But when I went off to college, my faith took a major turn.  I went to a college about 90 miles away from my home of Jonesboro.  It was then called Georgia College and was located in Milledgeville, a small town in the middle of the state.  I WANTED to go to a college/university where I didn’t know anyone.  I wanted a fresh start; I knew God led me to GC and made that choice very clear.  That’s another story for another time.

But in those first three months, I was super lonely.  I loved my roommate, Tomi, and we connected instantly.  That was a HUGE prayer God answered.  I had prayed about my roommate for many months, and He was so faithful in blessing me with Tomi.  But she had two friends from her hometown of Monroe that lived across the hall from us.  The three of them had grown up together and attended the same high school.  They befriended me and let me hang with them.  But I always felt like I was the “fourth wheel”. 

I wasn’t that far from home, but it didn’t matter that the distance was only an hour and a half away.  It could’ve been 300 miles.  I still missed my parents, my grandmother (Gan), my dogs and everything and everyone that was familiar.  During the week, I received letters from home.  I longed to check my mailbox and get a letter from Mom or Gan, even if it wasn’t especially “newsy”.  It was just like talking to one of them.  Mom was especially faithful to write at least 2-3 notes a week; Dad’s letters were more rare, but I loved getting cards from the two of them or Gan as it was a connection to home and to what I knew. 

Back then, we didn’t have cell phones.  On our 3^rd floor hall in the all-girls-dormitory, we had one phone booth.  Yes, a booth!!  It had folding glass doors that you could pull to you once inside the booth so you had some privacy. Each girl on the hall was allowed one 15-minute call during the week.  That sounds like a lot of time, but it wasn’t.  I remember wanting to always talk longer, but there was always another girl waiting in line outside the booth so you couldn’t.  Those minutes on the phone were priceless moments and precious conversations with my parents. It was in that booth that Dad said, “I love you, Laura” for the first time.  He had told me since I was little that he loved me – and I knew it.  He demonstrated it.  But it wasn’t until I was in college that freshman year that he INITIATED it and said it without me saying anything first.  I remember it like it occurred yesterday.  I cried as soon as we hung up!!

Even though I went home almost every weekend that first year, it was still an adjustment.  I still missed everything and everyone familiar.  I missed dinnertime.  I missed telling Mom every detail about my day at school.  I missed Dad coming home from work, smelling like grease and airplane fumes.  I missed being with my Gan in the kitchen or holding my poodle, Kricket.  I missed friends; I missed home. 

But at the same time, I knew I needed to be away.  I needed to grow up.  I wanted to be successful.  I wanted to find my way and follow what God had for me.  I didn’t exactly know the next step, but I knew I was going to find it at Georgia College.  God had made that abundantly clear. 

It was during this initial period that God became so real to me. During those first three months when I didn’t have a true friend, He became that “friend that sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

I would meet Him in the morning through reading the Bible and praying to Him constantly as I walked to class, to the dining hall or wherever on campus. I cried out to him about my loneliness; I worried about doing well in college academically and asked Him to help me know how to study; I remember even praying about getting up on time and getting to class on time (it’s one reason He put me with Tomi as she was a morning person, and I was a night owl.  Without her, I wouldn’t have made it to many 8 am classes without her patience in waking me up after my alarm went off a zillion times); I cried out to Him to show me if I was supposed to be a teacher; I prayed for godly friends that I could do life with and on and on.

So before making friends and really getting “plugged in” to college life or getting close to my roommate or others, God became the friend I relied on. 

During those college years, I eventually became close to Tomi and made some dear and special lifelong friendships.  My freshmen year, I got involved in Baptist Student Union (BSU).  This organization proved to be a major blessing in my life and where most of my friends came from. God used BSU to draw me closer to Him and to grow my faith.  I had a family of Christian friends for the first time in my life (church youth group was NOT a fun experience for me).  It was a HUGE blessing! 

I will pick up here next time.  Please tune in tomorrow.  Same bat time.  Same bat channel…

          I was in college between 1980-1984. Sounds like a long time ago, and it was. I can distinctly remember calling home my freshmen year to announce to my parents that I had signed up for “boating and sailing” as my first required physical education course. They both were stunned and chuckled a little – each of them.  How could they not?  Dad was a natural athlete growing up.  You could tell that just by looking at him.  He was slim, muscular and played football in high school.  He tried to go to college on a football scholarship, and in his words was “not good enough”.  Mom was a majorette (one of the firsts at College Park High school), ice skater, cheerleader and star of her basketball team.  Seriously.  If we ever ran into anyone who knew her back in her high school days, they always said something about her playing basketball.  I had seen the newspaper clippings to prove it.  Then, they had me.  I tried hard and gave 110% in sports, but I just wasn’t present when God was doling out athletic ability.  I struggled in this area.  Dad and Mom worked with me, but they never made me feel “less than” in this area or like I didn’t measure up. 

When I was in high school, I didn’t have to take all the physical education requirements because I was in band.  Fine arts trumped the physical education classes.  But in college, I would need to take 6 classes of physical education courses!!  Knowing I wasn’t that coordinated, I thought why not do something unusual.  Georgia College in Milledgeville, where I received my Bachelor’s degree, had part of its campus on Lake Sinclair.  It was the perfect place to learn how to boat and sail – on a small, private lake.

          I remember one of my parents asking if I knew what was involved in that course. They tried to be encouraging, but I knew they were skeptical and had their doubts.  Secretly, I did as well, but thought this course would be fun and adventurous.  Now, that’s a funny line if you know me.  I like to have fun as much as the next girl.  But “adventurous” is not usually in my vocabulary.  I’m the ultimate scaredy cat.

          Boating and sailing began.  I remember driving out to the lake and seeing the cabin that was adjacent to the lake. The scene was so calm and peaceful…a small, tranquil lake surrounded by trees all around.  A few birds that dotted the water and squirrels that scurried around.  It was a calm and peaceful setting.  Boating and sailing would not turn out to be calm and peaceful (at least not at first) – and it sure didn’t start out being fun.

 We started out in the cabin with the teacher calling roll and giving us some expectations for the course.  Coach, as I would soon learn, was more like a drill sergeant.  He was former military (and told us so numerous times throughout the quarter), had a deep and gruff voice and was somewhat impatient.  Still, he proved to be a good instructor.  I remember walking out to the dock that first day. None of us knew one another as we were all freshmen.  We each went to a sailboat and stood behind it.  We were paired up with another person in the class.  Initially I thought, “This experience will be great!  We’re going to get in the water today and go sailing!”  Oh, to be that naïve and ignorant again!  We began learning how to tie knots with ropes.  I don’t remember all the names for each of the knots, but there were many…and at least at first, it was quite intimidating.  Coach expected you to master tying each type the first time around. Needless to say, learning each of the knots, remembering how to weave and tie each one and mastering the names as well as the intricacies was not an easy task, especially for me.  But I was determined to learn this skill and do well in the course.

It’s been too long ago to remember how many classes it was before we finally got the boats in the water.  But what I do remember is that Coach Willingham (I’ve changed his name) had one rule while we were in the boat.  He repeated it several times during each class period.  “Whenever you are in the boat, and the wind starts to whip or change directions, and you/your partner can’t figure out the direction of the wind, LET GO of the rudder and the rope attached to the sail; the boat will do the rest and stabilize in the water.”  Now the rudder was a tiny piece of wood that set down in the water.  When you were in the back as the captain of the ship, your job was to hold the rope of the sail with one hand, and use the other to move the rudder.  It’s been too many years ago to remember every little detail.  But what I do recall is this:  When the sail is flapping in the wind, and the boat becomes unstable and begins bopping up and down in the water, and you can’t determine the direction of the wind, the last thing that seems natural to do is LET GO of the rudder.  The natural inclination, the tendency, the instinct is to HOLD ON to that rudder for dear life!  And to CLING to the rope attached to the sail. But Coach Willingham drilled the opposite fact into our impressionable freshmen minds during that fall semester:  LET GO.  Truly, it was counterintuitive to all you would FEEL at the time.  Still, every single person in the class had tipped over in his/her boat at least one time during the 4 months of learning how to operate that small sailboat on the water.  Once you capsized and found yourself soaking wet in your clothes, having to hoist yourself back into the boat, etc., you somewhat learned the lesson.  The next time the same scenario presented itself, you remembered NOT to follow the natural inclination, but to remember Coach’s #1 rule…the golden rule of sailing if you will to LET GO of the rudder and the sail, and the boat will do the rest.  It will FIND the wind and stabilize itself.  As I said, most everyone in the class learned the hard way by tipping over at least once or twice.  Me included.

But there was one guy in our class, Ernie, that seemed determined to CLING to the rudder and to the sail.  I came to know Ernie as we had a couple of classes together besides “boating and sailing”.  He also attended Baptist Student Union.  He was a foreign exchange student from Curacao, Venezuela.  I admired Ernie; he was so far from home, and his spoken English although broken was excellent.  Trying to read and comprehend for his studies was a challenge, but he persevered. He had an optimistic attitude and seemed to radiate joy (including a smile on his face). However, in boating and sailing, Ernie must have flipped the sailboat 20-30 times throughout the quarter.  I am not exaggerating!  Ernie never seemed to learn the golden rule of LETTING GO when the wind picked up or when something went awry on the water.  Instead, Ernie clung to the rope and the rudder.  I’m not usually one to laugh at someone else’s expense, but in this situation, I couldn’t help myself.  The same scenario occurred so often, at least once or twice a week in class.  Each of us would get in our boats and be enjoying the water and some sailing time.  Invariably, the wind would change direction.  Most of us had learned, by this time, to LET GO of the rudder and the sail and allow the boat to stabilize on its own.  Then, you can once again enjoy smooth sailing.  But not Ernie.  I can distinctly recall Coach yelling from the dock, “Pauletta (Ernie’s last name), let go of the rudder.  Let go, son!!”  No matter what he yelled, no matter how many times he yelled, Ernie would invariably flip the boat because he just couldn’t bring himself to LET GO.  Finally, the last 2-3 times we were out on the water, Ernie did not tip the boat.  It was truly an amazing feat!  I was excited for Ernie that he finally got it and was successful!

Our “final” in the class was two-fold, if I remember correctly.  We had to tie knots, do certain things to secure the boat and perform certain tasks on the water in the boat with Coach watch and evaluating.  I don’t think we had a written exam.  The second part of our skills test came later in the cabin.  We only went to the cabin in the event of inclement weather so meeting in there (other than the first day) was rare.  But here we were at the end of the quarter.  Coach Willingham sat at the front of the room with his correct posture, distinct military-style demeanor and his gruff voice.  I don’t remember if we as students sat in desks or benches.  But I do remember Coach Willingham called each of Mr. or Miss with our last names attached…never our first name.  It was more formal than any other college class, more intimidating and frankly, made me feel more like an adult.  During this last class period, much to our surmise, Coach Willingham said this was our evaluation.  We were to evaluate ourselves.  He went through the expectations of what would warrant an A, B, C, etc.  As he went through the roll, he called on each one of us.  We had to stand where we were sitting, announce to the entire class, “I think I deserve the grade of ___ and this is why”.  Not only did Coach Willingham want each of us to choose our own grade, but each had to defend his/her decision.  I remember mulling things over in my head that day.  It was going to be difficult to stand and state my reasons.  Everyone else would be listening.  I was stunned as the first few names were called – and unlike other college classes, our names were not in alphabetical order.  There is a reason I include that little tidbit.  My maiden name is Watson so I should’ve been near the end, if Coach had followed the natural order of things, but he did not.  There were many other guys and girls that went prior to me.  I was stunned as most thought the grade they deserved was a “B”.  There was one “C”, and a few were bold to state they deserved an “A”.  I remember thinking, “This is crazy.  I’m not going to let this class ruin my GPA. I’ve worked hard in this course.  I’ve learned everything coach has asked me to — and I’ve practiced the knots….”  Anyway, I did stand with boldness when Coach called my name.  “Miss Watson, what grade do you think you deserve in this course?”  His voice boomed so loudly in that wooden cabin.  I remember the heat coming from my body and probably my face, but I stood up and prayed for confidence and the words.  I told Coach I deserved an “A” as I had learned the names of all the knots, knew how to tie them well, learned other important aspects of what he had taught us, but mainly I had learned to implement what he taught us about LETTING GO early on.  Shortly after each of us finished our short speech on our self-evaluation, there would be a period of silence.  Coach would listen intently to your reasoning (he always looked you in the eye as if he was boring a hole in your soul).  It was flattering, sincere and intimidating all at the same time.  He made you feel important and scared to death all at the same time.  He truly made you feel like an adult.  For a freshman in college, that is a rare, refreshing and somewhat exciting and terrifying thing!  After his listening, he would take notes or write something.  Those moments of grueling silence seemed to last forever.  Then, he would call you up to his desk and hand you a piece of paper with your final grade.  I distinctly remember this as I was ecstatic to see an “A” on my piece of paper.  I couldn’t wait to show Mom and Dad when I got home!!  I remember the walk to his desk seemed to stretch on forever, and even thought the floor was wooden, it seemed to crack, crackle and make a very loud sound.  Looking back, I’m sure it didn’t.  The atmosphere was so tense and still a little threatening.  Coach commanded respect and expected you to rise to the occasion.  This class was one where you didn’t want to act like you were still a high school senior.  Coach expected you to rise to the level of being a responsible adult, and no one in there wanted to disappoint him, not even the cockiest boy.

But even more than my own speech on the grade I deserved and why, what stands out to me in that wonderful memory was not myself, but my friend, Ernie.  My turn to stand and evaluate myself came before Ernie’s, as I said due to the fact that Coach didn’t call us in alphabetical order.  Ernie was further on down the list.  The majority of the class had already stood to make their self-evaluations.  I was truly stunned at how many thought and declared they only deserved a “B” or a “C”.  Then, Coach barked out, “Mr. Pauletta (Ernie), what grade do you think you deserve in this course?”  On that wood floor, on that fall day, there was total silence in the cabin.  No one seemed to breathe; even the animals were quiet.  Ernie had to change his clothes more than anyone.  Ernie had been soaking wet and flipped his boat too many times to count.  Coach had yelled at him more than anyone else in class; he became impatient and irritated with him at times.  But on this day, Ernie with his optimistic disposition and a smile on his face stood up with great confidence and replied, “Coach, I believe I deserve an “A” in this course.”  Coach Willingham interrupted before Ernie could even get the rest of his thoughts out or back up his grade with the reasoning.  Coach looked up from his papers, took off his readers and sternly replied, “Mr. Pauletta, why in the world would you think you deserve an ‘A’ in this course?  Would you not agree that you have turned over in your sailboat more than any other student?  Would you not agree that you did not listen to me and apply the rules I taught you numerous times when you were on the water?”  I truly don’t think Coach was trying to humiliate Ernie; he was just former military, and it showed.  He operated with a standard of excellence, and he expected and demanded that we follow suit.  So, when he asked Ernie, it was out of sheer disbelief in his response.  Ernie, with a smile on his face, his heavily broken English and honor in his voice, respectfully responded, “Yes, Coach, I know I’ve turned over more than anyone else.  But I’ve also learned more than anyone else.  Now I know to LET GO and not hold on tight to the rudder or the rope of the sail.”  How could Coach argue with that?  For one thing, even when Coach was harsh, abrupt or impatient with Ernie throughout the entire course, I never saw Ernie respond with anything but a positive response.  He kept a smile on his face and a positive, “glass half full” attitude in his heart.  Coach’s treatment of him and Ernie’s own failures never seemed to dampen Ernie’ spirits.  It was really quite stunning, inspiring and impressive.  If I had been Ernie, I would’ve dropped the course months ago.  But he persevered.

To this day, I do not know if Ernie received an “A” or a “B” in the course.  All I know is his speech seemed to sway the Coach that day.  Frankly, it swayed me.  Wasn’t the entire goal of the course to learn…and Ernie had done just that?

I was impressed.  Impressed that he stood up for himself.  Impressed that he was humble enough to admit his mistakes, but savvy enough to communicate how those mistakes had furthered his learning.

Now to the real point.

In your Christian life, what is God asking you to LET GO of?  Is the Holy Spirit convicting you and calling out to you from the shore to LET GO?  Perhaps it’s a prodigal child, a chronic health issue, a financial dilemma, a family situation, someone you need to forgive, a frustrating job, a struggle with elderly parents or just obsessive worry.  Your natural inclination is to cling to it…to hold on to it for dear life as Ernie did with the rope and the rudder. I’m not saying not to pray about it.  I’m not saying not to cry out to God about every part of it.  But, after taking it to the Lord, do you continue to fret, worry, trying to think of ways to remedy the situation yourself?  Do you ignore the Spirit’s pleadings to relinquish control and leave it in the Lord’s hands (as Ernie did with the Coach’s commands)?  Remember, friend, the consequences of doing so.  Your boat will flip as well.  How many times do you need to get wet and have to experience consequences before you release and break free from the grip you have on whatever you’re not trusting to the Lord?

I’ve been there. 

Years ago, Norman and I had been married for several years and both of us longed for a child. We were beyond ready to bring a new little one into the mix and our hearts ached for a baby.  Norman was 33, and I was 27 when we first married (neither of us had been married before).  Obviously, we were older.  We had been single and had numerous experiences as single adults.  We loved our life together as husband and wife, but our attempts to get pregnant were unsuccessful.  I remember reading some books, getting advice from others at school who were just a little beyond us, counting days on the calendar, taking suggestions from friends at church and praying.  I prayed.  We prayed.  But it wasn’t until we went on a major vacation during my spring break one year that I remember this exact prayer.  It was the weekend prior to our trip.  I was getting things out to pack.  Norman must have been at work as I was alone in the house.  I cried out to the Lord.  I threw out that calendar.  I said, “Lord, I’m through manipulating; I’m finished with trying to do this on my own.  It’s all yours.  I give it to you.  I give my longings, my hopes for a baby, my desires for little ones to you.  It’s in your hands.  I’m not going to keep worrying and fretting.  If you want us to get pregnant, then it will come from you.  If we don’t get pregnant, then let me/us accept that as well.”  I was resolute.  I wasn’t angry with the Lord.  I was just to the point of frustration.  I was tired of reading, scheming, manipulating and striving. I cried as I prayed.  I finally released the rudder and rope of the sail and truly LET GO.  Norman did as well (probably not in the same way).  That vacation was memorable as we relished the time with one another, enjoyed the sites and the scenery and made incredible memories.  But God also heard our cries.  He took control of our world and stabilized it.  He steadied our ship of despair and within a couple of weeks of returning, we found out I was pregnant!!  The souvenir we brough home from that trip was not just a new life in the womb, but it was a reminder to us.  That when we seek Him first and allow God to be the Captain of our ship, He truly gives us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4).  I know from experience that it doesn’t always work out exactly like that (with a happy ending), but I do know from experience that no matter the circumstances, when we LET GO and allow Our Heavenly Father to be in charge vs. us trying to hold on tightly and cling to the situation or try to manipulate, it frees us up to experience the peace and joy only He can give. And in the process, we discover He is such a faithful God, who wants the best for us.

One aspect I didn’t include from my memories of boating and sailing was how incredibly peaceful and enjoyable it was on the lake when you mastered the art of LETTING GO.  Then, you could sit back and just coast in the water and take in all the sights and sounds.  It was fun!!  It was serene!!  You weren’t having to work hard; you just trusted the boat, the sail and the water to work in harmony.

Friend, trust the Father God, Jesus His Son and the Holy Spirit that the 3 in 1 are big enough, powerful enough and mighty enough to work in your situation as well.  LET GO and resist your natural inclination to try to do it in your own strength.  In doing so, you will grow closer to the Father and experience “His peace that passes all understanding” (Philippians 4:6-8).  Don’t be an Ernie, where it takes numerous times capsizing before you learn the truth. If that has been your pattern, then confess it to the Lord.   Read the Word, pray and ask God to give you the strength, wisdom, and self-control to do what is counterintuitive.  LET GO!

As I was writing, the Lord brought these verses to mind.  Hebrews 12:1 – 2 “…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…”  What has you entangled?  What is hindering you, friend, from truly submitting and giving God the reigns and full control of your boat?  LET GO of the rope of the sail, the rudder and fix your eyes on Jesus.  He will not disappoint!!

 I won’t lie.  It will be scary at first, but oh, friend.  It is so worth it!!  I pray you can release the rudder, the rope of the sail and sit back in the boat and enjoy the ride. Let God “stabilize your boat”.  It’s a rewarding, glorious and freeing experience when you do!  My life’s verse comes to mind, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (clinging to the rope of the sail and the rudder…your own logic).  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your steps.”  Then, and only then, will you see and take in the God of the Universe and all He is capable to do in your life.  Ephesians 3:20

          Does God really care about practical details in your life?  Surely He has much more important things to do than to bother with trivial things like where you should work, helping you on an interview, directing you to your life’s partner, making a move and the like. Have you ever thought that way?  I know many Christians who believe in God and claim Jesus as his/her Savior, but when it comes to practical issues, God is just too big or He’s too far removed to be involved in daily decisions.

          I, on the other hand, was taught that God cares about EVERY detail in your life and WANTS to be involved in EVERY decision. He truly wants an intimate relationship with me…and more than anything wants me to rely on Him and depend on Him for every little and big choice.  Scripture bears this out in the Old and New Testament.  Joshua prayed and asked God to help him in many battles, even though he was a skilled warrior.  He even prayed and the sun stood still!! Jacob prayed when he was afraid to meet back up with his brother Esau; he had learned the hard way to finally ask for God’s protection and guidance.  Abraham prayed and even was bold enough to question God’s judgement and mercy when he asked for God to spare Sodom.  Joseph prayed when he was in prison unjustly. He waited on God’s timing at every turn. David prayed and asked for forgiveness when he realized his egregious sin after Nathan confronted him. He continually asked God for the next step and to guide His steps in His dysfunctional family.  The church at Antioch prayed and fasted, and the Holy Spirit made it clear that Saul/Paul and Barnabas were supposed to be set apart to go.

          When I graduated from high school, my home church, First Baptist Church of Jonesboro, had a special service in which graduates were honored.  Each of us walked across the platform to receive a hug or handshake from our pastor, Dr. Carter as well as the Youth Minister, Larry Lawrence.  Larry had been so instrumental in my life.  I would carry his teachings and influence with me as I went off to college.  One of the gifts included in our bag of goodies was a crystal key chain in a diamond shape.  I’m sure Larry’s secretary ordered it, but there was no doubt in my mind that HE chose at least the voice engraved on that key chain.  It was Proverbs 3:5-6. 

          As soon as I opened that gift, I immediately changed my key chain.  As I drove my lemon/lime Maverick around (with no air conditioning!!), I remember that key chain was so large that it poked my leg every now and then.  But that key chain did more than create a place on my leg.  That verse had been etched in my heart based on teachings from Larry.  I KNEW from stories he had told that God would direct your path and make His Way obvious if you only believed, prayed and sought Him.  I had heard Larry talk of his own experiences where God had done this; I had heard his wife, Anna, relay events in her life where God had moved.  I heard my pastor, Dr. Charles Carter, do the same from the pulpit.

          But did I believe it?  Could it be true in my life?  What about yours? 

          One of my favorite pastors that I learned from and served under was our associate, Ed Hoard.  Ed used to say, “People can argue with what you say.  People can argue with what you do.  People can argue with God’s Word, but no one can ever argue with your own experience.” 

          I had some things happen in my life growing up that made me know and believe that God would direct my path.  As I was about to graduate from high school, I prayed God would make it clear where he wanted me to go to college.  I asked him to make it in the state of Georgia – not too far from home – and a place that where I could learn to be a teacher, if that was indeed His will for me.  I put these stipulations before Him, but more than anything I prayed for His plan and will for me.

          Several months before graduation I was sitting in a Calculus class having a casual conversation with other peers and my teacher, Mrs. Wade.  She mentioned Georgia College in Milledgeville where she went – and said it used to be the Teachers’ College.  Immediately, my interest was peaked.  She was an excellent teacher; the college was not too far away.  I had other friends who already knew where they were going…UGA, Tift, etc.  After doing more research, I told my parents that I wanted to visit Georgia College.  I continued to pray God would make it obvious.  Mom and I drove down one day during my spring break.  We weren’t out of the car good until a truck drove by with some workers whistling and yelling obscenities.  Mom immediately said, “Get back in this car.  You’re not going to school here!”  She wasn’t joking!!  I had to do some talking to convince her that we couldn’t judge the town/college on that one initial experience.  After we walked around and took a tour, I knew in my spirit, this place was where God wanted me to go.  Even though we couldn’t find a place to eat lunch, even though everything wasn’t quite perfect, I had a peace in my spirit and God made it obvious.  I thanked Him and Mom did as well.  I remember being ecstatic driving home about a new chapter around the corner. 

          This story of God’s direction to the right college is just one of many in my life as I reflect back on God’s faithfulness.  How about you?  Do you have a big decision to make about your career?  A move for your family that you’re not sure about?  Maybe it’s something with your child…should they join a certain team, play a sport or musical instrument or ?  Possibly just changing doctors?  So many decisions we make in life!!  I knew and still know that I don’t want to make them on my own.

Psalm 118-:8-9 Reminds me that “it’s better to trust in God than humans…even a prince!” 

          Are you being wise and consulting Your Maker or are you making a list of pros and cons?  Weighing what seems best?  Sometimes God works through our own intellect and what seems obvious. Many times, family and friends who are well-meaning may all be in agreement, but that doesn’t mean it’s God’s will.  So be wise who you go to for counsel.  Proverbs 3:5-6 tells me clearly “lean not on your own understanding”.  What that means to me is even when it seems logical, even when common sense tells me to do one thing, even when many in my circle that I trust and consider wise tell me one thing, I need to consult God and ask, “Is this what you would have me to do?” 

          All I know is I can reflect on my life and KNOW that God has directed my path numerous times.  He has made the path evident when I’ve cried out to Him. I’m humbled and beyond thankful.  The picture on the cover or static page of my blog was not chosen randomly.  If you look closely, there are two paths.  One is more shaded; the other has the sun brightly shining on it.  That picture is an analogy for my life with the Lord.  Whenever there has been a crossroads, and I waited and prayed and cried out to Him, He was faithful and illumined my path.  And I’ve had the comfort and peace to KNOW I was on the course He ordained for me.  There’s no better feeling in the world!

          I have many more life experiences to share where God came through; He made His will obvious.   My favorite story of that is how He was faithful in leading me to my husband.  It’s a God-story for sure; one that only HE could’ve pulled off.  That’s for next time…until then, I pray you are seeking Him and waiting on His timing and answer before stepping out in your own strength and logic.  Even as many times as God has been faithful to me, I still have to remind myself to go to Him…and not do what I think is best. I pray the same for you, my friend.

***I wrote this back in 2019.  Since then, God has helped me greatly overcome some fears.  And my precious mother has gone to her heavenly home.  But I share this “entry” in hopes that it helps at least one of you, especially during this pandemic. I know fear has gripped many.

Fear.  One four-letter word, but it can paralyze and cause great harm. 

I’m one of the victims to this dreaded emotion.  If I let it, FEAR can cripple me…my actions, my mood, my attitude, my faith. 

Norman, my husband, seems to have no fear.  He’s one of those people that can jump out of airplanes (and has numerous times!!), bungi jump (he’s done this as well), ski down the steepest slopes (many times), drive a motorcycle (oh, yes..thankfully he sold it soon after he moved here) and the like.

All of those things I just mentioned seem crazy to me to even attempt.  Yes, you guessed it.  I’m the ultimate scaredy cat and he’s definitely the thrill seeker.  For him, the more speed, the more adrenaline flowing, the more exciting and thrilling it is for him.  For me, I’m the turtle…slow and steady wins the race.  But even more importantly, I don’t want to lose control.

How about you?  Are you like me and afraid of heights?  Afraid to try new things?  Afraid of your shadow?

Fear doesn’t just keep us from those “fun”, “over the top” experiences in life.  I don’t regret or worry that I’ve never gone sky diving or ridden in a hot air balloon.  Those activities don’t bother me.  Most are not even on my “bucket list”.

But fear can overtake me spiritually and in other areas of my life, causing me to worry, over think, fret and be paralyzed.

This week alone I’ve struggled with two major fears.  I’ve worried on/off about my mom falling.  She’s 83-years old and in fairly good health.  She has Type II diabetes that she controls with her diet, and the main medicine she takes is for high BP.  But years ago she had emergency back surgery.  She had been in excruciating pain for over a month.  The ortho couldn’t find the cause; the MRIs didn’t show anything.  Once they opened her up, they discovered she had a herniated disc!  Long story short:  She woke up and had lost most of the feeling from her waist down.  Prior to this, she walked normally and had no mobility issues.  Now, 20+ years later, she also has neuropathy on top of that.  Both of these problems make it difficult for her to walk and have good balance.  She literally has to tell herself to pick her feet up!!  In the last 6 months, she’s had 3 falls.  There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t pray to God to protect her from falling.

Sounds normal, right?  Who wouldn’t pray that for his/her mother?  But I go a step further.  I think about it again and again throughout the day.  If thoughts of my mom pop into my head, I say that prayer over and over to the Lord.  I imagine the scenario if she took a bad fall.  Where would we go?  What would I do?  This line of thinking…this obsessing and letting the fear take control of me is not

Not only that, but the other fear that’s consumed is “What if Norman dies?”  I know this fearful thought is a normal one.  There’s no spouse on the planet that hasn’t entertained this one.  But again, I can be obsessive.  Last night, we had a wonderful date night Norman, my hubby, had planned.  We left around 3:30 pm.  Why?  Because we live in a suburb of Atlanta.  Need I say more???  The traffic in Atlanta can be horrendous anytime, but it was a Friday, and it was raining!!!  A double whammy!  But I digress.  We reached our destination.  Ate dinner at a wonderful “diner”, had a Krispy Kreme doughnut across the street and then went to see “Newsies”, a wonderful musical set in the 1900s.  Sounds like a perfect evening, doesn’t it?  It was!  The traffic wasn’t even that bad.

But my thoughts on and off throughout the trip and dinner were picturing Norman dead next to me in the car.  I imagined someone hitting us or us spinning out of control and him not waking up!!!  At this point, you’re saying, “Laura, you’re crazy!”  Sometimes I think so.  I got passed it. How?  I’ll get to that in a minute

 But don’t tell me I’m the only one who struggles with obsessive thoughts such as this.

Some days I’m fine.  Other days I obsess and fear what will happen to our 25-year old son….the “what ifs” fill my brain and volley back and forth like a tennis match on steroids.

What about you?  Do you worry about finances? Your spouse cheating on you?  Your spouse leaving you?  Your kids’ futures?  Their choice of friends?  How the world is spinning out of control and what it will be like for your grandchildren?

Do you fear getting cancer?  Your health declining?  Being dependent on others? Getting Covid-19 and not recovering?

Most of my fears revolve around those I love vs. my own condition.  But we are all unique and have our own fears.

The list is endless.  For most of us, FEAR is a real, negative emotion.  God knows this.  He created us so HE knows us best.

Throughout the Bible, HE gives us specific verses regarding fear or HE relays specific accounts of men/women who suffered with fear. 

The first one that comes to mind is Peter.  This impetuous and strong leader who acted and spoke before he thought struggled with this emotion.  He feared when the storm came up on the water and he/the disciples were on the boat, but Peter still got out of the boat and walked to Jesus.  For several moments, he trusted Jesus so much and kept his eyes on HIM so that fear didn’t get the best of him.  The minute he looked down at his circumstances…..and took his eyes off Jesus, he went plummeting down into the water.

It’s such a good visual for each of us.  Keep your head up, my friend.  Talk to the Savior.  Look to Him…not at your circumstances.  Am I being Pollyanna?  Does that mean it’s always going to turn out positively or as we’ve planned?

No!  But what it does mean is that fear will not control you or become your master. 

Because I’m in an incredible Bible study right now in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), I think of Joshua and the words God gave HIM. 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

God repeated this phrase (or phrases from it) repeatedly throughout Joshua’s life.  Joshua was a young man who was a great military leader and soldier and had seen and fought in numerous battles.  Did he struggle with fear?  There’s some reason why God gave him this message time and time again.  For one thing, some of the people living in Canaan were truly giants; they were the Philistines (remember Goliath was one of them).  According to scripture, they towered over “normal sized” folks, such as the Israelites.  Certainly, any of us can understand why defeating a people like that would instill fear.

But even when Joshua was just going into “normal” battles, God reminds him of this truth. 

If we truly believe God knows us better than we know ourselves (and I do), then perhaps he realizes that Joshua needs this reassurance.  Even the best soldier would have to grow weary after 7 years of fighting.

Do you grow weary of your fear?  I certainly have!

But at 56 years old, I’ve found the only remedy for my fear that is truly effective is God.  Crying out to Him, spending time with Him, confessing this gripping, crippling fear to Him is the only thing that helps me live in peace.  The struggle can still be real at times.  But I’m learning more and more to release my fears to HIM daily…moment by moment. 

Living “freed up” is one of my goals.  And I think it’s a lofty one.  God wants me to focus on others and “love my neighbor as myself”.  There’s no way I can accomplish that if I’m so paralyzed and consumed by my own fears.

As a “teacher in training” in college, I learned to write lesson plans.  Oh, the hours this would take especially as an elementary teacher with every subject to teach.  But after that first year of teaching, I learned to make short cuts to survive!  The procedures were in my head, the materials I needed might be on a list, but the MOST important part of the lesson plan was THE OBJECTIVE.  Back in the 1990s it went something like, “The student will be able to….”  Even in 2019, objectives are still written this way.  Even with all the changes in education!!

My point being, my objective here needs to be “The student (in this case, you or me) will be able to relinquish his/her fear to God by….”.

Now the second most important part of the lesson plan after the objective would be the methods.  How am I going to accomplish this goal with the students?  Are students going to work in groups?  Be engaged in activity to practice the skill?  Watch me as I demonstrate on the board?  Read and listen as I explain?  You get the picture.

Here are some suggestions for “relinquishing the fear to God” on that have worked for me…

Confess your fear to Him and that you need help to overcome it.  Then learn as many scriptures on this subject.  One from childhood always comes back to me because of its simplicity, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in you, O God” Psalm

Or “God is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble.  Therefore, we will NOT FEAR though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea…” Psalm 46:1-3

Here are just a few more that I’ve found particularly helpful or effective.

Picturing myself, like Peter, in a boat and the waves bouncing me up and down and the rain pelting me…terrified, but I step out keeping my eyes on Jesus…giving HIM whatever my fear is.

Or this is one I use most often.  Not sure if my Youth Minister, Larry Lawrence, taught it like this years ago.  Whatever the case, it made an impression…and it’s stayed with me for some 40+ years.  I picture myself walking up to Jesus on the cross.  He is hanging there, and I bow at the foot of the cross, laying my son…my mom…whatever or whoever the fear is related to.  Jesus assures me that no fear is too great for HIM.  I stay there, bowed down…relinquishing control to the ONE and ONLY ONE WORTHY TO BE PRAISED!!

Hope these “methods” help you accomplish your objective.  I’d love for you to comment and pass on your ideas for overcoming your fear.

Today was our last day at the beach.  Norman and I were savoring every moment and trying to take in everything. We witnessed the sun come up over the horizon and the water glistening on the ocean from the brightness of the sun.  It was spectacular!

As I walked down the beach, I noticed all the different varieties and species of birds.  Some large white and stately, some smaller, spotted and brown, some tiny, grey speckled creatures that seemed to scurry everywhere they went…some with tiny pointed beaks, some with large beaks that narrow at the end…all were somewhat similar but also very unique.  No two were alike.

I couldn’t help but notice how busy some were…and how carefree others were.  Some seemed upset and bothered by my presence and still others unphased and not even disturbed by me or my somewhat-near presence.

God gave me a thought as I observed and zoned in on their behavior.  They are like us as people. On the outside, they are very similar, whether they are large, small or somewhere in between.  Some seem to love the water; some run from it; still others fly over it; some seem totally unphased by it.  Whatever the case, it’s obvious that the bird’s job (if he wants to eat) is to find grubs in the sand.  Hence, why God gave him the beak shaped the way it is…so the bird can easily poke in the sand and pull up his sustenance. God has given them food in the sand as the ocean water flows back and forth.  They have to “work for it” and put their beaks into the sand to find it.  He has provided for them, but they must put forth the effort if they want to experience His provision.

Isn’t it the same with us, His people? God has provided His Word, the Bible, to “fill us up” and give us what we need spiritually.  It’s all contained within those 66 chapters.  He has supplied what we need in every circumstance, but we must do the hard work if we want to reap the provision.  Just like the birds, we must “dig” and be busy putting forth the effort if we want peace, joy, contentment, His presence and the like.

Some birds…most I would say, barely skim the surface.  They don’t take the time to let their beaks go very deep.  They scurry around and “look the part”.  They look like a good bird on the outside, but they don’t really take the time to digest or feast on their findings. One reason is their findings are scarce because they don’t want to do the hard work of digging for major grub.  Oh, their Creator has supplied tons of wonderful surprises within that sand.  But the bird is either too distracted, too busy or seems to have other more important things to attend to…what he misses in the process!!

I saw many birds, of various types, breeds and species, congregated together.  They were diligent gathering but also feasting together.  They looked content and “natural”, eating their findings as they stood wing to wing in the sand.  I thought this picture was a wonderful reminder of what it’s like when we’re feasting on The Word together as The Body of Christ.  It must be a beautiful picture to God when we are doing this in unison, unity and one accord.  It brought a smile to my face to witness this communal activity; I thought it must make God smile as well when we are actually worshiping for the right reason and/or with the right motive and “hungry” for a Word from Him.

Then I witnessed one of the tiniest birds do something rare.  He stood as the water was about to hit his delicate feet and dug down deep with his beak.  He almost touched his feathers at the other end of his beak.  As he emerged from the sand, he came up with a HUGE nugget of something that was extremely visible to me.  He carried it around like a prized possession!  He didn’t consume it right then; he waited.  I don’t know how long he waited until he ingested it, but I was captivated by the entire process!   As I said, he didn’t indulge right away.  He took it away to devour in private. And he turned his back to me and scurried away.  I couldn’t see him eat, but I assumed he did as he rushed away from me, those tiny feet moving as frantically as possible (as if I was a threat or was going to take his grub).   Just like we do with God’s Word…we study and talk to Him privately.  It’s like manna flowing from heaven when we understand, receive and apply His Word to our daily life.  It satisfies like nothing else.  All I know is this tiny creature seemed so excited at his finding.  You could tell he was proud of himself and wasn’t going to waste one morsel of it.  I couldn’t help but be reminded of the Psalmist’s words when he prayed, “As the deer pants for water, may I pant for your word.”  This bird was beyond excited…and I was for him!!

On my rather long walk, I saw another bird do the same.  This particular creature was much larger and it seemed to me it was easier for him to dig in the sand.  His beak was much larger and better equipped for major digging.  It was an analogy to me of someone who had grown up in a Christian home like myself.  It’s easier for those of us who’ve been trained and heard the Word since we were babies or little.  We may have heard our parents read it, heard a Sunday School teacher or preacher teach about a passage or whatever.  We’re the “privileged birds” if you will.  We come equipped with all the necessary tools to take in the grub and digest it.  But it’s still up to us if we will use the tools God has given us.  Just like the larger birds with beaker beaks, we can also decide to be lazy and not allow our beaks to dig deep.  We can be content to skim the surface of the sand and just live off what we know…don’t need anything new or different. 

As I continued to finish up my walk, I noticed some other birds that stood out.  They were the ones who stood erect.  They were too “stiff necked” to bend down to even look for food.  It was as if they were “too good” to make the effort.  I wondered if they went hungry lots of times because they weren’t willing to do the hard work…or maybe they thought they had their act together and didn’t need to “dig” in the sand for their sustenance.  They would figure it out on their own.  These birds were sad to me.  I likened them to a teenager who is too cool to bring his/her Bible to church or ever speak up in a discussion about what’s in the Bible or what’s wrong/right for fear of being seen as “not tolerant” or politically correct.  I thought of those in intellectual circles who think they “know more” and are “enlightened”.  We, as Christians, are beneath them in thinking and intellect.  Just as those birds in the water stood so proud and stately, they looked ridiculous among their peer birds.  Most of the birds were busy gathering food and being about the business at hand.  The “stiff-necked”, arrogant birds looked silly as they just stood there, as if to say, “I’ll handle it on my own.”  I couldn’t help but wonder what or when they ate?  All I know is even in their appearance, they looked unhappy.  I know birds don’t smile, but their countenance sure does speak volumes. 

All of these birds conveyed so much to me!  As usual, God taught me so much through each of these different “types”.  I don’t think I’ll ever look at them the same without thinking of this “lesson” God gave me. 

But which type bird are you?  Some days, I must admit, I’m the one skimming the surface.  I desire to be the one who is thrilled to carry the “nugget” around…thankful that he has a special “grub” to digest.  When’s the last time you met your Creator and took time and asked HIM to show/give you that special “find”?

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven.  Whoever eats this bread will live forever.  This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”  John 6:51

“Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see – how good God is.  Blessed are you who run to him. “  Psalm 34:8 The Message

It’s unusual at this time of the year as I’m not working.  I’m a teacher by trade.  I miss having my own class, my own little family of kiddos, but currently, I substitute teach at my son’s former elementary.  It’s a wonderful little school just 5 minutes down the road from us.

Because those teachers are so conscientious, jobs don’t really start or pick up until the middle or end of September.  Anyway, I digress…

I was home…almost all day.  Didn’t leave to run errands or go out for lunch.

Our dog, Duchess, who was feeling a little puny, followed me all around the house.  Usually, she camps out in her cozy bed in the living room.  But today, she was on my heels as I went to our son’s room to clean his bathroom….even on the cold floors!  She moved to her bed in our bedroom when I went in there to fold towels.

It just dawned on me…or maybe the Lord spoke to me.  It’s the way I should be with Jesus.

I should be so aware of HIM that I’m constantly on HIS heels, wanting to be with HIM and following HIS every move.

Duchess, our miniature daschund, is a precious pet, and we love her so.  But we always joke that she is “high maintenance”.  She needs and requires lots of attention and energy.

For example, if you’re dog tired (no pun intended) and come in the door (and she hasn’t seen you in a while), she will immediately greet you and need lots of lovin’…petting, talking, letting her lick your nose and you making over her.  When Norman comes home from work, she meets him at the door.  But if he doesn’t “fawn” over her enough, she will bark at him until she gets what she needs.

Then, she’ll bring her purple ball to you and is ready to “play”.  As Norman says, she is not subtle.  If we ignore her attempts to play, she will push her ball under the dresser in our room or the sofa/loveseat in the LR.  Then, she’ll bark like crazy until one of us retrieves it and plays with her.

Again, it makes me think of my relationship with the Lord.

I should be so in love with HIM that daily I get up wanting to spend time with HIM more than anything else.  Duchess lives for those times when we “connect”.  I should be the same.  My Heavenly Father should know that HE is the most important person in my life…and I can’t wait to meet HIM early in the am, but also talk and listen for HIM all day long.

I’m reminded of the bumper sticker a dear man at church has on the back of his truck.  I read it every Sunday and love the sentiment.  “Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am”.

When you think of Moses in the Bible, what images or ideas does this man bring to mind?

For me, I first think of Charlton Heston because of watching The Ten Commandments when I was growing up.  When I get to heaven, I’ll look for CH, knowing it’s Moses.  For me, those men are one in the same.

Seriously, when I think of Moses, I remember the incredible leader he was, but I so recall his hesitancy to answer God’s call.  He wasn’t like Noah who immediately obeyed God and did “all he was asked or commanded”.  Moses argued with God.  He pretty much told God he had the wrong guy and couldn’t someone else (possibly his brother) do the job.

How about you?  Ever felt like God called you to do some job or task that was way out of your comfort zone?

Well, that’s me.  God has been calling me for too many years to count. I hear the Holy Spirit say, “write for me”.  I don’t totally know what that entails, but I’m finally trying to be obedient.

I’ve tried before.  Submitted an article for publication, and it was rejected.  It hurt, but I wasn’t devastated.  I felt relieved, in fact, because I had written and been obedient.

Normally, I’m a fairly compliant child and want to obey the Lord.  But for some reason, I’ve struggled with this assignment the Lord has given me.

You see, I started out as an English major in college.  My goal was to return to my former high school and be an incredible English teacher that turned her students’ world upside down because she was so phenomenal.  I won all kind of awards in English in high school.  Then, freshmen English class came and reality hit.  Papers, short stories and other writings in high school always received A’s or A+++s….and I received glowing comments from my teachers.  But it was a slap in the face that first September of my freshmen year when I had C’s and D’s at the top of my paper….and tons of red comments littered the page.  But I persevered.  I took my professor’s comments to heart and tried to improve.  I wanted to improve.  Once I completed the core requirements, I signed up for an upper level English course, the first real class in my major.  Less than two weeks.  That’s all it took.  As I arrived in class one day, I looked around.  I noticed each person — their personality, their interests, their strengths.  I didn’t have much in common with these folks.  Most of them LOVED the literature and had a PASSION for all of these weird authors.   Not me.  And during this time, I had been praying.  Praying for God to show me and change my course of direction if I wasn’t supposed to be an English major.  I had known since I was about 8 or 10 years of age that He called me to teach.  Ask any of my neighborhood friends.  They would tell you as well.  Whenever we played “school”, I always had to be the teacher.

Anyway, I digress.  I was at a crossroads.  I sought the Lord and part of his answer came that morning in class.  I knew this track wasn’t for me.  I stayed in the class…and worked harder for my grade of “C” than I had ever worked for an “A”.  My professor and adviser was shocked when I went to see her and told her I was changing majors.  She couldn’t understand “why”, even though HER comments were the ones that lined my paper – and never did she offer any encouragement.  Leaving her office that day, I still remember the feeling of discouragement, bewilderment and relief.

I was changing my major to Middle Grades.  I was a little nervous, but I knew God had lead me to this area….I knew I loved the kiddos more than the subject matter.

Why do I share this story?  I don’t know if those feelings of inadequacy are why I’ve struggled with this assignment.  Maybe it’s fear of failure. Part of me thinks I will write, and no one will read it or think it’s “good enough”.

In addition, I’m not sure what HE wants me to write.  Is it articles, Lord?  How about a children’s book?  I’ve always dreamed of that!!  What about a blog?  Not even sure yet what a blog is. 

All I know is I think we all have this in common as believers. It’s universal if you are HIS child. The Lord asks us to do things way out of our comfort zone.  I’m through offering excuses.  I’m through telling HIM He’s got the wrong gal.  Maybe it’s to stretch my faith and depend on HIM more.  Maybe it’s to humble me.  Maybe I need to write something for at least one person to read.  Whatever the case, I’m doing the hard work.  No turning back. 

I’ve struggled to get going, even after making the decision to start writing.  As only the Lord can do, as I opened my Bible this morning to have my quiet time, this verse was one of the first that I read:  “I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.”  Psalm 119:60  Think that was coincidence?  Me either. 

What is it that you need to obey that God’s called you to, my friend?

Perhaps it’s just forgiving a family member or someone who has wounded you severely.

Maybe He wants you to talk with a co-worker who is lost.

Or is it letting go and giving Him your burdens?

Maybe it’s just reading your Bible daily and listening to Him daily.

I pray for you to follow the example of Moses and be obedient.  He’s always been one of my heroes in the faith.  And I identify even more with him now.  When I get to heaven, I’ll look for Moses and Charlton….after Jesus, Dad and Mom and many other special loved ones.  More later. Thanks for tuning in.