Just a few days ago I shared the saga of the incredible miracle God worked in my life by making clear who my husband should be.
Just retelling the story reminded me of God’s faithfulness…and there are even more details to the story I could’ve included that highlights His power and faithfulness.
But, as life so often does, something happened even as I was writing and trying to compose that story.
My cousin, Robin, who is like a younger brother to me was diagnosed last year with stage 4 mouth cancer. He chewed tobacco for years; that one habit led to his cancer diagnosis. Thankfully, he received incredible care at City of Hope, and his surgery was so successful. After the surgery, he endured chemotherapy, radiation and had to have bone grafts taken from his leg to do jaw reconstruction. It’s been a long journey for him.
In April and May of this year, Robin had an MRI and CAT scan that showed no signs of the cancer. We were rejoicing and praising the Lord! All of us thought he was out of the woods and healed from cancer.
But In July – on his birthday, his wife took him back to City of Hope as his eye was so swollen and inflamed. After much testing and speculating, oncologists came in with the news. The cancer had spread and was behind his eye as well as in his jugular. To say we were devastated is an understatement.
Initially, when I heard the news, I broke down. I wasn’t with him or near him. It hit me hard. And to be honest, I questioned the Lord.
I didn’t understand…and still don’t.
Not only did I question God, but I was angry with Him for a day or more.
Are you reading this saga and judging me.
Are you telling me you’ve never questioned God?
I KNOW God didn’t cause Robin’s cancer; I know it was filtered through His divine hands…and somehow He will use it for good.
But for a while, I questioned. I asked. I said, “Why?”
My cuz didn’t have the same kind of family I did growing up. And even as a kid, I realized it. I questioned God then too as I had it sooo good. Robin, not so much. It seemed he had an uphill climb from early on. My parents and grandmother provided stability and security for him that he didn’t receive from his home life.
I know God had a plan then – and still does.
Fast forward to today.
I had to pray and ask God to help me remember several truths:
Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” I wasn’t made to understand it all, nor do I need to.
I know God has the power and ability to perform a miracle and totally heal my cousin. Will He choose to? I don’t know. But I do know from His Word and my own experience, He can be trusted and is a good and perfect Father. I’ve lived long enough to KNOW the words of the Bible are true. And I’ve experienced His faithfulness too many times to question…but I did. We all do.
Is it right to get upset with God if He doesn’t perform a miracle?
Will I turn my back on Him when I don’t understand the circumstances?
God uses pain, heartbreak, suffering and trials to teach us and draw us closer to His throne. And to mold us into His image, the image of His Son, Jesus
Even the other night as I paused to pray for my precious cuz and all he’s enduring, I was reminded of 5 specific miracles God had performed in my lifetime (besides answering my prayer and providing my husband). That’s HUGE! The Lord brought even more to my mind and heart since then.
So, what’s the point?
Again, I know He is capable.
But is there a reason why He chooses not to in this situation?
I’m not sure. All I know is I will follow, believe, serve and trust my Heavenly Father — even if He doesn’t perform a miracle. Even if I don’t understand the circumstances. That’s where faith comes in.
Today, it dawned on me that when I was growing up, I loved my daddy. He was my hero and larger than life. But there were numerous times I didn’t understand him. Sometimes I didn’t understand:
Things he said to me
Decisions he made
Rules he set
Things he was so dogmatic about (my curfew being one)
His boundaries
His sterness at time
His gruffness in conveying a message
His quietness
His ability to be quiet and not be talkative
My list could go on and on. As I got older, I don’t know if I gained wisdom or God showed me what a blessing He bestowed on me in giving me a dad who had clear expectations, wanted the best for me, and his “yes” was “yes” and “no” was “no. If you remember, I’m an only child. So I know there were times Dad spoiled me. But never did he give in to me out of emotion. I don’t remember even one time. Do you know what security that created in me?
If I could have one more conversation with him in heaven, I would tell Dad some of these things and how grateful I was and am to have been so abundantly blessed with a father who made the tough calls. He took the hits when I got upset or mad with him. The line never moved. And through all of that, he taught me to obey, to be responsible and to think of others.
My point?
I didn’t have to understand my daddy. All I had to do was keep trusting that He loved me and wanted the best for me.
Years later, as a parent and a much-older-daughter, I clearly SEE and REALIZE the wisdom, discernment and incredible sacrificial love Dad had for me.
It’s even more true of my Heavenly Father.
So I asked Him to forgive me for getting angry…for being demanding…for not trusting His plan and WANTING MY way.
I further confessed that I would pray diligently for my cousin with a totally different attitude and perspective.
And I thanked God for His omnipotence and faithfulness in ALL the miracles He had poured out in my life, ones I was undeserving of.
Bottom line. Will you keep loving, trusting and serving God, even if the miracle you’re praying for doesn’t come?
Do you love the gift or the giver?
I’m thankful for a God who loves me even when I question Him. And is patient, merciful and forgiving enough to put up with a child like me.
Laura's Lines 