***I wrote this back in 2019.  Since then, God has helped me greatly overcome some fears.  And my precious mother has gone to her heavenly home.  But I share this “entry” in hopes that it helps at least one of you, especially during this pandemic. I know fear has gripped many.

Fear.  One four-letter word, but it can paralyze and cause great harm. 

I’m one of the victims to this dreaded emotion.  If I let it, FEAR can cripple me…my actions, my mood, my attitude, my faith. 

Norman, my husband, seems to have no fear.  He’s one of those people that can jump out of airplanes (and has numerous times!!), bungi jump (he’s done this as well), ski down the steepest slopes (many times), drive a motorcycle (oh, yes..thankfully he sold it soon after he moved here) and the like.

All of those things I just mentioned seem crazy to me to even attempt.  Yes, you guessed it.  I’m the ultimate scaredy cat and he’s definitely the thrill seeker.  For him, the more speed, the more adrenaline flowing, the more exciting and thrilling it is for him.  For me, I’m the turtle…slow and steady wins the race.  But even more importantly, I don’t want to lose control.

How about you?  Are you like me and afraid of heights?  Afraid to try new things?  Afraid of your shadow?

Fear doesn’t just keep us from those “fun”, “over the top” experiences in life.  I don’t regret or worry that I’ve never gone sky diving or ridden in a hot air balloon.  Those activities don’t bother me.  Most are not even on my “bucket list”.

But fear can overtake me spiritually and in other areas of my life, causing me to worry, over think, fret and be paralyzed.

This week alone I’ve struggled with two major fears.  I’ve worried on/off about my mom falling.  She’s 83-years old and in fairly good health.  She has Type II diabetes that she controls with her diet, and the main medicine she takes is for high BP.  But years ago she had emergency back surgery.  She had been in excruciating pain for over a month.  The ortho couldn’t find the cause; the MRIs didn’t show anything.  Once they opened her up, they discovered she had a herniated disc!  Long story short:  She woke up and had lost most of the feeling from her waist down.  Prior to this, she walked normally and had no mobility issues.  Now, 20+ years later, she also has neuropathy on top of that.  Both of these problems make it difficult for her to walk and have good balance.  She literally has to tell herself to pick her feet up!!  In the last 6 months, she’s had 3 falls.  There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t pray to God to protect her from falling.

Sounds normal, right?  Who wouldn’t pray that for his/her mother?  But I go a step further.  I think about it again and again throughout the day.  If thoughts of my mom pop into my head, I say that prayer over and over to the Lord.  I imagine the scenario if she took a bad fall.  Where would we go?  What would I do?  This line of thinking…this obsessing and letting the fear take control of me is not

Not only that, but the other fear that’s consumed is “What if Norman dies?”  I know this fearful thought is a normal one.  There’s no spouse on the planet that hasn’t entertained this one.  But again, I can be obsessive.  Last night, we had a wonderful date night Norman, my hubby, had planned.  We left around 3:30 pm.  Why?  Because we live in a suburb of Atlanta.  Need I say more???  The traffic in Atlanta can be horrendous anytime, but it was a Friday, and it was raining!!!  A double whammy!  But I digress.  We reached our destination.  Ate dinner at a wonderful “diner”, had a Krispy Kreme doughnut across the street and then went to see “Newsies”, a wonderful musical set in the 1900s.  Sounds like a perfect evening, doesn’t it?  It was!  The traffic wasn’t even that bad.

But my thoughts on and off throughout the trip and dinner were picturing Norman dead next to me in the car.  I imagined someone hitting us or us spinning out of control and him not waking up!!!  At this point, you’re saying, “Laura, you’re crazy!”  Sometimes I think so.  I got passed it. How?  I’ll get to that in a minute

 But don’t tell me I’m the only one who struggles with obsessive thoughts such as this.

Some days I’m fine.  Other days I obsess and fear what will happen to our 25-year old son….the “what ifs” fill my brain and volley back and forth like a tennis match on steroids.

What about you?  Do you worry about finances? Your spouse cheating on you?  Your spouse leaving you?  Your kids’ futures?  Their choice of friends?  How the world is spinning out of control and what it will be like for your grandchildren?

Do you fear getting cancer?  Your health declining?  Being dependent on others? Getting Covid-19 and not recovering?

Most of my fears revolve around those I love vs. my own condition.  But we are all unique and have our own fears.

The list is endless.  For most of us, FEAR is a real, negative emotion.  God knows this.  He created us so HE knows us best.

Throughout the Bible, HE gives us specific verses regarding fear or HE relays specific accounts of men/women who suffered with fear. 

The first one that comes to mind is Peter.  This impetuous and strong leader who acted and spoke before he thought struggled with this emotion.  He feared when the storm came up on the water and he/the disciples were on the boat, but Peter still got out of the boat and walked to Jesus.  For several moments, he trusted Jesus so much and kept his eyes on HIM so that fear didn’t get the best of him.  The minute he looked down at his circumstances…..and took his eyes off Jesus, he went plummeting down into the water.

It’s such a good visual for each of us.  Keep your head up, my friend.  Talk to the Savior.  Look to Him…not at your circumstances.  Am I being Pollyanna?  Does that mean it’s always going to turn out positively or as we’ve planned?

No!  But what it does mean is that fear will not control you or become your master. 

Because I’m in an incredible Bible study right now in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), I think of Joshua and the words God gave HIM. 

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

God repeated this phrase (or phrases from it) repeatedly throughout Joshua’s life.  Joshua was a young man who was a great military leader and soldier and had seen and fought in numerous battles.  Did he struggle with fear?  There’s some reason why God gave him this message time and time again.  For one thing, some of the people living in Canaan were truly giants; they were the Philistines (remember Goliath was one of them).  According to scripture, they towered over “normal sized” folks, such as the Israelites.  Certainly, any of us can understand why defeating a people like that would instill fear.

But even when Joshua was just going into “normal” battles, God reminds him of this truth. 

If we truly believe God knows us better than we know ourselves (and I do), then perhaps he realizes that Joshua needs this reassurance.  Even the best soldier would have to grow weary after 7 years of fighting.

Do you grow weary of your fear?  I certainly have!

But at 56 years old, I’ve found the only remedy for my fear that is truly effective is God.  Crying out to Him, spending time with Him, confessing this gripping, crippling fear to Him is the only thing that helps me live in peace.  The struggle can still be real at times.  But I’m learning more and more to release my fears to HIM daily…moment by moment. 

Living “freed up” is one of my goals.  And I think it’s a lofty one.  God wants me to focus on others and “love my neighbor as myself”.  There’s no way I can accomplish that if I’m so paralyzed and consumed by my own fears.

As a “teacher in training” in college, I learned to write lesson plans.  Oh, the hours this would take especially as an elementary teacher with every subject to teach.  But after that first year of teaching, I learned to make short cuts to survive!  The procedures were in my head, the materials I needed might be on a list, but the MOST important part of the lesson plan was THE OBJECTIVE.  Back in the 1990s it went something like, “The student will be able to….”  Even in 2019, objectives are still written this way.  Even with all the changes in education!!

My point being, my objective here needs to be “The student (in this case, you or me) will be able to relinquish his/her fear to God by….”.

Now the second most important part of the lesson plan after the objective would be the methods.  How am I going to accomplish this goal with the students?  Are students going to work in groups?  Be engaged in activity to practice the skill?  Watch me as I demonstrate on the board?  Read and listen as I explain?  You get the picture.

Here are some suggestions for “relinquishing the fear to God” on that have worked for me…

Confess your fear to Him and that you need help to overcome it.  Then learn as many scriptures on this subject.  One from childhood always comes back to me because of its simplicity, “What time I am afraid, I will trust in you, O God” Psalm

Or “God is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble.  Therefore, we will NOT FEAR though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea…” Psalm 46:1-3

Here are just a few more that I’ve found particularly helpful or effective.

Picturing myself, like Peter, in a boat and the waves bouncing me up and down and the rain pelting me…terrified, but I step out keeping my eyes on Jesus…giving HIM whatever my fear is.

Or this is one I use most often.  Not sure if my Youth Minister, Larry Lawrence, taught it like this years ago.  Whatever the case, it made an impression…and it’s stayed with me for some 40+ years.  I picture myself walking up to Jesus on the cross.  He is hanging there, and I bow at the foot of the cross, laying my son…my mom…whatever or whoever the fear is related to.  Jesus assures me that no fear is too great for HIM.  I stay there, bowed down…relinquishing control to the ONE and ONLY ONE WORTHY TO BE PRAISED!!

Hope these “methods” help you accomplish your objective.  I’d love for you to comment and pass on your ideas for overcoming your fear.

Today was our last day at the beach.  Norman and I were savoring every moment and trying to take in everything. We witnessed the sun come up over the horizon and the water glistening on the ocean from the brightness of the sun.  It was spectacular!

As I walked down the beach, I noticed all the different varieties and species of birds.  Some large white and stately, some smaller, spotted and brown, some tiny, grey speckled creatures that seemed to scurry everywhere they went…some with tiny pointed beaks, some with large beaks that narrow at the end…all were somewhat similar but also very unique.  No two were alike.

I couldn’t help but notice how busy some were…and how carefree others were.  Some seemed upset and bothered by my presence and still others unphased and not even disturbed by me or my somewhat-near presence.

God gave me a thought as I observed and zoned in on their behavior.  They are like us as people. On the outside, they are very similar, whether they are large, small or somewhere in between.  Some seem to love the water; some run from it; still others fly over it; some seem totally unphased by it.  Whatever the case, it’s obvious that the bird’s job (if he wants to eat) is to find grubs in the sand.  Hence, why God gave him the beak shaped the way it is…so the bird can easily poke in the sand and pull up his sustenance. God has given them food in the sand as the ocean water flows back and forth.  They have to “work for it” and put their beaks into the sand to find it.  He has provided for them, but they must put forth the effort if they want to experience His provision.

Isn’t it the same with us, His people? God has provided His Word, the Bible, to “fill us up” and give us what we need spiritually.  It’s all contained within those 66 chapters.  He has supplied what we need in every circumstance, but we must do the hard work if we want to reap the provision.  Just like the birds, we must “dig” and be busy putting forth the effort if we want peace, joy, contentment, His presence and the like.

Some birds…most I would say, barely skim the surface.  They don’t take the time to let their beaks go very deep.  They scurry around and “look the part”.  They look like a good bird on the outside, but they don’t really take the time to digest or feast on their findings. One reason is their findings are scarce because they don’t want to do the hard work of digging for major grub.  Oh, their Creator has supplied tons of wonderful surprises within that sand.  But the bird is either too distracted, too busy or seems to have other more important things to attend to…what he misses in the process!!

I saw many birds, of various types, breeds and species, congregated together.  They were diligent gathering but also feasting together.  They looked content and “natural”, eating their findings as they stood wing to wing in the sand.  I thought this picture was a wonderful reminder of what it’s like when we’re feasting on The Word together as The Body of Christ.  It must be a beautiful picture to God when we are doing this in unison, unity and one accord.  It brought a smile to my face to witness this communal activity; I thought it must make God smile as well when we are actually worshiping for the right reason and/or with the right motive and “hungry” for a Word from Him.

Then I witnessed one of the tiniest birds do something rare.  He stood as the water was about to hit his delicate feet and dug down deep with his beak.  He almost touched his feathers at the other end of his beak.  As he emerged from the sand, he came up with a HUGE nugget of something that was extremely visible to me.  He carried it around like a prized possession!  He didn’t consume it right then; he waited.  I don’t know how long he waited until he ingested it, but I was captivated by the entire process!   As I said, he didn’t indulge right away.  He took it away to devour in private. And he turned his back to me and scurried away.  I couldn’t see him eat, but I assumed he did as he rushed away from me, those tiny feet moving as frantically as possible (as if I was a threat or was going to take his grub).   Just like we do with God’s Word…we study and talk to Him privately.  It’s like manna flowing from heaven when we understand, receive and apply His Word to our daily life.  It satisfies like nothing else.  All I know is this tiny creature seemed so excited at his finding.  You could tell he was proud of himself and wasn’t going to waste one morsel of it.  I couldn’t help but be reminded of the Psalmist’s words when he prayed, “As the deer pants for water, may I pant for your word.”  This bird was beyond excited…and I was for him!!

On my rather long walk, I saw another bird do the same.  This particular creature was much larger and it seemed to me it was easier for him to dig in the sand.  His beak was much larger and better equipped for major digging.  It was an analogy to me of someone who had grown up in a Christian home like myself.  It’s easier for those of us who’ve been trained and heard the Word since we were babies or little.  We may have heard our parents read it, heard a Sunday School teacher or preacher teach about a passage or whatever.  We’re the “privileged birds” if you will.  We come equipped with all the necessary tools to take in the grub and digest it.  But it’s still up to us if we will use the tools God has given us.  Just like the larger birds with beaker beaks, we can also decide to be lazy and not allow our beaks to dig deep.  We can be content to skim the surface of the sand and just live off what we know…don’t need anything new or different. 

As I continued to finish up my walk, I noticed some other birds that stood out.  They were the ones who stood erect.  They were too “stiff necked” to bend down to even look for food.  It was as if they were “too good” to make the effort.  I wondered if they went hungry lots of times because they weren’t willing to do the hard work…or maybe they thought they had their act together and didn’t need to “dig” in the sand for their sustenance.  They would figure it out on their own.  These birds were sad to me.  I likened them to a teenager who is too cool to bring his/her Bible to church or ever speak up in a discussion about what’s in the Bible or what’s wrong/right for fear of being seen as “not tolerant” or politically correct.  I thought of those in intellectual circles who think they “know more” and are “enlightened”.  We, as Christians, are beneath them in thinking and intellect.  Just as those birds in the water stood so proud and stately, they looked ridiculous among their peer birds.  Most of the birds were busy gathering food and being about the business at hand.  The “stiff-necked”, arrogant birds looked silly as they just stood there, as if to say, “I’ll handle it on my own.”  I couldn’t help but wonder what or when they ate?  All I know is even in their appearance, they looked unhappy.  I know birds don’t smile, but their countenance sure does speak volumes. 

All of these birds conveyed so much to me!  As usual, God taught me so much through each of these different “types”.  I don’t think I’ll ever look at them the same without thinking of this “lesson” God gave me. 

But which type bird are you?  Some days, I must admit, I’m the one skimming the surface.  I desire to be the one who is thrilled to carry the “nugget” around…thankful that he has a special “grub” to digest.  When’s the last time you met your Creator and took time and asked HIM to show/give you that special “find”?

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven.  Whoever eats this bread will live forever.  This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”  John 6:51

“Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see – how good God is.  Blessed are you who run to him. “  Psalm 34:8 The Message

It’s unusual at this time of the year as I’m not working.  I’m a teacher by trade.  I miss having my own class, my own little family of kiddos, but currently, I substitute teach at my son’s former elementary.  It’s a wonderful little school just 5 minutes down the road from us.

Because those teachers are so conscientious, jobs don’t really start or pick up until the middle or end of September.  Anyway, I digress…

I was home…almost all day.  Didn’t leave to run errands or go out for lunch.

Our dog, Duchess, who was feeling a little puny, followed me all around the house.  Usually, she camps out in her cozy bed in the living room.  But today, she was on my heels as I went to our son’s room to clean his bathroom….even on the cold floors!  She moved to her bed in our bedroom when I went in there to fold towels.

It just dawned on me…or maybe the Lord spoke to me.  It’s the way I should be with Jesus.

I should be so aware of HIM that I’m constantly on HIS heels, wanting to be with HIM and following HIS every move.

Duchess, our miniature daschund, is a precious pet, and we love her so.  But we always joke that she is “high maintenance”.  She needs and requires lots of attention and energy.

For example, if you’re dog tired (no pun intended) and come in the door (and she hasn’t seen you in a while), she will immediately greet you and need lots of lovin’…petting, talking, letting her lick your nose and you making over her.  When Norman comes home from work, she meets him at the door.  But if he doesn’t “fawn” over her enough, she will bark at him until she gets what she needs.

Then, she’ll bring her purple ball to you and is ready to “play”.  As Norman says, she is not subtle.  If we ignore her attempts to play, she will push her ball under the dresser in our room or the sofa/loveseat in the LR.  Then, she’ll bark like crazy until one of us retrieves it and plays with her.

Again, it makes me think of my relationship with the Lord.

I should be so in love with HIM that daily I get up wanting to spend time with HIM more than anything else.  Duchess lives for those times when we “connect”.  I should be the same.  My Heavenly Father should know that HE is the most important person in my life…and I can’t wait to meet HIM early in the am, but also talk and listen for HIM all day long.

I’m reminded of the bumper sticker a dear man at church has on the back of his truck.  I read it every Sunday and love the sentiment.  “Lord, help me be the person my dog thinks I am”.

When you think of Moses in the Bible, what images or ideas does this man bring to mind?

For me, I first think of Charlton Heston because of watching The Ten Commandments when I was growing up.  When I get to heaven, I’ll look for CH, knowing it’s Moses.  For me, those men are one in the same.

Seriously, when I think of Moses, I remember the incredible leader he was, but I so recall his hesitancy to answer God’s call.  He wasn’t like Noah who immediately obeyed God and did “all he was asked or commanded”.  Moses argued with God.  He pretty much told God he had the wrong guy and couldn’t someone else (possibly his brother) do the job.

How about you?  Ever felt like God called you to do some job or task that was way out of your comfort zone?

Well, that’s me.  God has been calling me for too many years to count. I hear the Holy Spirit say, “write for me”.  I don’t totally know what that entails, but I’m finally trying to be obedient.

I’ve tried before.  Submitted an article for publication, and it was rejected.  It hurt, but I wasn’t devastated.  I felt relieved, in fact, because I had written and been obedient.

Normally, I’m a fairly compliant child and want to obey the Lord.  But for some reason, I’ve struggled with this assignment the Lord has given me.

You see, I started out as an English major in college.  My goal was to return to my former high school and be an incredible English teacher that turned her students’ world upside down because she was so phenomenal.  I won all kind of awards in English in high school.  Then, freshmen English class came and reality hit.  Papers, short stories and other writings in high school always received A’s or A+++s….and I received glowing comments from my teachers.  But it was a slap in the face that first September of my freshmen year when I had C’s and D’s at the top of my paper….and tons of red comments littered the page.  But I persevered.  I took my professor’s comments to heart and tried to improve.  I wanted to improve.  Once I completed the core requirements, I signed up for an upper level English course, the first real class in my major.  Less than two weeks.  That’s all it took.  As I arrived in class one day, I looked around.  I noticed each person — their personality, their interests, their strengths.  I didn’t have much in common with these folks.  Most of them LOVED the literature and had a PASSION for all of these weird authors.   Not me.  And during this time, I had been praying.  Praying for God to show me and change my course of direction if I wasn’t supposed to be an English major.  I had known since I was about 8 or 10 years of age that He called me to teach.  Ask any of my neighborhood friends.  They would tell you as well.  Whenever we played “school”, I always had to be the teacher.

Anyway, I digress.  I was at a crossroads.  I sought the Lord and part of his answer came that morning in class.  I knew this track wasn’t for me.  I stayed in the class…and worked harder for my grade of “C” than I had ever worked for an “A”.  My professor and adviser was shocked when I went to see her and told her I was changing majors.  She couldn’t understand “why”, even though HER comments were the ones that lined my paper – and never did she offer any encouragement.  Leaving her office that day, I still remember the feeling of discouragement, bewilderment and relief.

I was changing my major to Middle Grades.  I was a little nervous, but I knew God had lead me to this area….I knew I loved the kiddos more than the subject matter.

Why do I share this story?  I don’t know if those feelings of inadequacy are why I’ve struggled with this assignment.  Maybe it’s fear of failure. Part of me thinks I will write, and no one will read it or think it’s “good enough”.

In addition, I’m not sure what HE wants me to write.  Is it articles, Lord?  How about a children’s book?  I’ve always dreamed of that!!  What about a blog?  Not even sure yet what a blog is. 

All I know is I think we all have this in common as believers. It’s universal if you are HIS child. The Lord asks us to do things way out of our comfort zone.  I’m through offering excuses.  I’m through telling HIM He’s got the wrong gal.  Maybe it’s to stretch my faith and depend on HIM more.  Maybe it’s to humble me.  Maybe I need to write something for at least one person to read.  Whatever the case, I’m doing the hard work.  No turning back. 

I’ve struggled to get going, even after making the decision to start writing.  As only the Lord can do, as I opened my Bible this morning to have my quiet time, this verse was one of the first that I read:  “I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands.”  Psalm 119:60  Think that was coincidence?  Me either. 

What is it that you need to obey that God’s called you to, my friend?

Perhaps it’s just forgiving a family member or someone who has wounded you severely.

Maybe He wants you to talk with a co-worker who is lost.

Or is it letting go and giving Him your burdens?

Maybe it’s just reading your Bible daily and listening to Him daily.

I pray for you to follow the example of Moses and be obedient.  He’s always been one of my heroes in the faith.  And I identify even more with him now.  When I get to heaven, I’ll look for Moses and Charlton….after Jesus, Dad and Mom and many other special loved ones.  More later. Thanks for tuning in.