When I was a child growing up, I was blessed to live in a wonderful neighborhood called “Edgemoor”.  Folks that lived there were more than neighbors; they became family.  Since our family’s yellow brick house sat on a corner lot, our large yard was the neighborhood playground.  So many games of kickball, softball, volleyball and many other games were played in our yard with tons of neighborhood kids (and sometimes my parents!).  We would stay out for hours and just beg our parents for “a few more minutes”.  Friendships were formed; memories made; lessons taught.  One thing I distinctly remember is that when we were playing softball or kickball, if there was a play that was controversial, and the two teams couldn’t come to a decision about who was out or safe or if it was a foul ball, “the powers in charge” on each time would just yell “do over”.  “Do over” meant we would just wipe the slate clean of the original play, and literally start again as if there had never been an original play.  “Do overs” took care of many squabbles, angry emotions and arguments that could’ve gone on forever.

God, in His infinite mercy, seems to be the Master of “do overs”.  Think about it.

I was first drawn to God as a young child.  But I knew that God was holy, and I was a sinner.  I knew Jesus was the ONLY ONE who was the bridge to get me back to God and be reconciled to Him. I’m not sure if I understood all of that at the age of 10, but I knew I was missing something and was empty inside. When I prayed to ask Jesus to come into my heart and life and be my Savior, He came in and filled me up.  Immediately, I was different on the inside.  The “do over” process started to take place!!

Psalm 103:12 reminds me and all of us that He removed “my sins as far as the east is from the west” Psalm 103:12. What a comfort! That burden of sin lifted!!

But He does the same for every individual who ever calls on Him as Savior.  You don’t have to be in church; you don’t have to talk with a preacher; you don’t have to be with anyone else; you can totally be alone with God and Jesus!

When we think back on people in the Bible, “do overs” seem to be the norm vs the exception. 

Peter is the first one that comes to mind.  His mouth got him into trouble always as he spoke before he thought.  Not only was he impulsive with his speech, but his actions were impulsive with a capital I.  His actions usually got him into trouble.  But yet, Peter, the disciple that seemed to struggle the most is the one who Jesus would use to spread the gospel.  Peter…the disciple who we see fail the most is the one who would preach at Pentecost!! 

Peter, the one who walked on water for a brief moment or two, wasn’t there at the crucifixion; he baled; he blew it!! Not only was Peter not there, but he denied knowing Jesus not once, not twice but three times when Jesus needed him most!!  Don’t you know Peter beat himself up for being a coward for not even acknowledging to a servant girl that He knew Jesus of Nazareth?  But Jesus didn’t hold a grudge. Instead of that betrayal holding Peter back, Jesus gives him a “do over”.  More than anyone in the Bible, Peter exemplifies to me how Jesus never gives up on us and how a “do over” from Jesus can totally transform your life like nothing else!  Peter became a leader among the disciples, but more importantly he became a leader in God’s kingdom.  He became a witness that grew the church and traveled far and wide to tell so many about His friend, Jesus, who was also God’s Son and the Savior of the world.  Peter grew into the potential Jesus saw in him…all because of the “do over”.  Peter exemplifies the transforming power of allowing Jesus to change you from the inside!!

Moses is another favorite person of mine in the Bible.  But early on in his life, most people would consider Moses a failure.  He lost his temper (yes, I know it was for a good reason defending a fellow Hebrew), but he actually killed a man. Bottom line…he committed murder!! Not only was he on the run, he stayed in the desert for 40 years.  How in the world could God still use a killer?  How could God make something of a man who had fled his own people and was hiding out in the remote parts of the land?  But He did.  God gave Moses a huge “do over” as well.  This man of God led the Israelites when he himself didn’t know the exact plan; this man of God put up with uncertainty, whining, complaining and always having to be in charge;  this man of God, who was “slow of speech” went before Pharoah as God’s spokesperson; this man of God had an incredible faith so much so that he was included in the Hall of Fame/Faith in Hebrews 11.

What about David?  Yes, I know David sinned when he had relations with Bathsheba (another man’s wife) and then plotted to have Uriah killed.  He committed two horrible sins.  He suffered some major consequences for his sins…losing his firstborn child, having family troubles and conflict with his son, etc.  But still.  God used him mightily as a great king over Israel.  God used the phrase when speaking of David, “Man after my own heart.”  The Psalms reveal to us the timeless truths about Our Sovereign God, but they so allow us to glimpse the heart of this sinful but devoted man of God.  I so relate to David…praising God in song one minute, and then realizing my sin the next!  But yet, Jesus would come from the line of David!! How stunning and humbling is that!!

What about Paul?  Most of us would consider him the greatest missionary and witness for Jesus Christ that has ever lived.  But God gave this zealot a major “do over”.  Prior to his Damascus Road experience where Saul met the One True God, Saul was on the wrong side of things and killing believers!!  God provided Saul such a “do over” that he even changed his name in the process!  Talk about a major overhaul!!  What an incredible blessing!!  God could’ve kicked Saul to the street, but instead he used that zeal, knowledge of the scriptures, and his passion for good.

The woman at the well is just another example of how Jesus is the ONLY ONE who can provide us “do overs” – even when He knows the worst about us!

Are you discouraged and feel like you’ve messed up too much for God to redeem you and make anything valuable out of your life?  Do you feel as if you’ve sinned or been too bad for God to redeem you? All I can say is you’re in good company, friend.  All of us, including most people featured in the Bible, are in the same boat.

The longer I live, the more I realize that God is so gracious and merciful.  There are still consequences to our poor choices and sin.  But oh, the “do overs” God provides are stunning!!  He, as our Maker, Creator and Heavenly Father, wants the best for us. 

One of the boys that lived in my neighborhood was Ricky.  Ricky was probably the best athlete…and went on to be a major league baseball player for a short time (before he became a preacher!).  But I digress.  You can only imagine how competitive Ricky was as a kid.  After all, he was an incredible athlete.  The rest of us were mediocre at best.  But Ricky didn’t always LIKE when we called “do overs”.  He was super competitive!!  He wanted to be on the winning team (and usually was because of his own athletic skills).

So, what’s my point?  Most of us kids pushed for “do overs” because we knew it was best to keep us all friends, to keep us all playing and not arguing.  Our Heavenly Father definitely knows what’s best for each of us.  We just need to let God “call the shots” and provide His best vs being like Ricky and wanting our own way.

Of course, none of us can literally go back and erase little, big or massive mistakes we’ve made in life.  But when we turn our life over to Jesus, and we do our part to read the Word and stay connected to Him in prayer, the “old self” begins to decrease and die off. The “new self” begins to emerge as part of the “do over” only Jesus offers (Ephesians 4:22-32).

About a month ago, Norman and I went to Waffle House one Saturday morning for breakfast.  We struck up a conversation with our waitress.  She informed us that she had been sober for 6 years+.  Her words, countenance and tone of voice indicated how grateful she was.  I asked her point blank if it was God who helped turn her life around.  Without hesitation, she told me it was – and that He helps her daily to keep it in the right lane.  Isn’t that true for each of us, whether we have an addiction or not? 

So if you’ve disrespected your spouse, if you’ve lost your temper with your kids, if you’ve cussed and let something slip when you shouldn’t have, if you’ve gossiped, if you’ve had ugly thoughts, if you’ve been a glutton with food, if you’ve not just had a drink or two but gotten drunk, if you’ve blown your witness at work, if you’ve done things you’re not proud of, if you have an addiction, if you’ve succumbed to temptation in your thought life, actions or whatever the case may be… come before the Lord, confess it all specifically and repent.  Turn from that behavior and humbly ask the Lord for a “do over”.  Don’t be flippant. Realize the gift of forgiveness and starting over comes with a huge sacrifice that cost Jesus His precious and perfect life.  Realize you’re not capable of the “do over” on your own…only through the blood of Jesus.

Give God your junk. Ask Him to forgive you.  Again.  Trust and believe that He can transform you and give you a “do over”.  In Jeremiah 32:17, the prophet reminds us that “nothing is too difficult for him”. 

I’m praising and thanking God for the “do overs” He has given me in my life.  And that He continues to be patient with me when I don’t learn from my mistakes and keep repeating them – or when I don’t trust Him fully.  He is a merciful, patient, loving and incredible Heavenly Father who always gives His children “do overs” and provides what’s best.

Take time to thank Him for being a God of the “do over” today.

Someone reading this post needs this message today. I’m praying for you!

Have you ever tried to tell God how His plan for you or your loved ones is wrong? 

Maybe you’re like me, and He has called you to a task, given you an assignment or made it clear what your job needs to be, and you have enumerated ALL the numerous reasons why you can’t step up to the plate.  Maybe you feel inadequate; maybe the task involves giving up too much of your precious time; maybe you can’t see yourself in the role he’s called you to or maybe you just plain don’t want to.  You’re not just a reluctant child and disobedient child, but you have an attitude as well.

All I can say is I’ve been there, friend.  You’re not alone.

Throughout the Bible, we as humans are compared to clay.  When using this analogy, the Bible refers to God as The Potter.  At random, The Potter may decide to start all over with his masterpiece (us) and “crush” his creation and begin again.  But in many verses, it states that the clay tries to tell The Potter, God, what to do and how to do it.

Isaiah 29:16 in The Message version states it like this.  “Doom to you!  You pretend to have the inside track.  You shut God out and work behind the scenes, plotting the future as if you knew everything, acting mysterious, never showing your hand.  You have everything backward!  You treat the potter as a lump of clay.  Does a book say to its author, ‘He didn’t write a word of me?’  Does a meal say to the woman who cooked it, ‘She had nothing to do with me?’”

Pretty stark, heh?  But haven’t you been there?  I have; I’ve tried to tell God a thing or two and thought I knew better than Him at times.  I’ve done this with my own life.  I’ve certainly done it in marriage with my hubby.  And I’ve especially done it from a parent’s perspective…I’ve tried to tell God what I think is best for our adult son, Nathan.  Are you with me?

When I was a little girl and teenager in church, I remember singing the hymn, “Have Thine Own Way”.  Very seldom do you hear this lovely hymn much in churches today.

But the words are etched in my mind and heart.

“Have thine own way, Lord,

Have thine own way.  Thou are the potter; I am the clay.

Mold me and make me

After thy will,

While I am waiting, Yielded and still.”

Some of the lines that stand out to me are about the potter and the clay.  Is it absurd to think of the clay telling the potter what to do and how to move His hands and what shape to make?  It truly is!  This one analogy shows our proper place in the scheme of things.  God is so much bigger, wiser and more sovereign than we can imagine.  We are truly clay in His hands.  But yet, He has so designed us that the God of the Universe gives us the choice, whether or not we allow Him to shape, construct, crush, sculpt and use us for His glory.

The next verb that stands out to me is MOLD.  Are you moldable?  Is your heart and spirit teachable so that you can be still and listen to what the Holy Spirit is telling you to do…and then you YIELD to His request.

Or are you like the driver at the yield sign or round-a-bout that barrels through with no regard for anyone else?  Is it your way or the highway, so to speak?

What do you need to relinquish control of or surrender to the Potter to let Him be able to shape and mold you?

Are you allowing Him to Have His Own Way in your life?  It’s a continual process, isn’t it?  Just when I think I’ve arrived, and that I’ve turned the corner, God shows me how far I truly am from total surrender.

Will you bow your knee today and allow The Potter to shape and pattern you into His image?  Will you allow Him to shave off the rough edges and put you in vulnerable places or “crush” you so you can be “rebuilt” into the image of Jesus?

All I know is when I think back over my life, the moments that truly stand out and are memorable and most significant and meaningful are the ones when I’ve truly allowed myself to undergo the “shaping of The Potter”.  When I’ve allowed God to “have His own way” in my life, that’s when He blows my socks off and shows me what it truly means to have “abundant life”.

Years ago, God called me to Liberia, West Africa.  At first, I thought He was calling me to go as a full-time missionary.  He didn’t…obviously.  But the point is I went through the struggle to get to the place of complete and total surrender.

After months of dreaming about black babies, after praying tirelessly to the Lord and seeking His will, after getting 10 shots (yes, I said 10!) with my girlfriend who was supposed to go (and had initially contacted me), I finally got peace after talking with my former youth pastor, Larry Lawrence.  Larry, who is and always will be a spiritual giant, listened to what God had taken me through for many months to prepare me.  But Larry’s wise counsel struck a nerve when he said, “Maybe God isn’t calling you to go to Africa full-time, but He wants to get you to the point where you would be willing to go if He did.”  It was a huge turning point for me.  Larry nailed it!  That was exactly it.  Even though God didn’t call me to be a full-time missionary (and I didn’t know all of that at the time), He had to get me to the point where I was wiling to say “yes” if He had asked me to go and give up everything. I finally bowed my knee and said, “Yes, Lord, if you want me to go to Africa and live that far away from family and friends, I’m willing to do that.  I will give up my teaching career; I will give up my life; I will give up the vision I had of my life.  I will do all of that and more to serve you and be a witness for you.”

I ended up going for only 2 weeks. It wasn’t for life or a full-time “call”.  But I didn’t know that at the time.  The point was…He got me to the point of surrender.  It’s there I want to live daily.

It was an unforgettable experience that I carry with me.  It truly changed my perspective, and my life.  But it started with submission.  It began with letting the Potter be in control.  Weeks prior, as the Lord was dealing with me, it began with singing the song, “Have Thine Own Way”, but it culminated with singing the hymn “Wherever He Leads I’ll Go” in church on a Sunday night.  While in Africa, God showed me what was possible when I let HIM control my life vs ME telling Him what was possible and what I was willing to do.  It works so much better when The Potter shapes the clay vs the clay trying to tell The Potter what’s best.

Does any of this resonate with you?

It’s been 30+ years since I traveled to Africa as a short-term volunteer.  But this I know.  At times, I still struggle with allowing God to truly be My Potter.  It’s something I pray about all the time.  But my desire is to be that piece of clay that is moldable, shapeable and willing to be open, vulnerable and obedient to The Potter’s hands and will for my life.

Isn’t it what the Christian life is all about it? 

I pray as you read this YOU submit and surrender to The Potter.  It’s the only way to truly live!  Our pastor, Dennis Watson, says quite frequently, “Who is more inclined to make a mess of your life, you or God?”  I remind myself and you, my friend, to let The Potter take control.  Picture yourself as clay…limp, lifeless and without purpose until The Potter picks you up and turns you into His masterpiece.  Without the yielding, we are just like unbelievers, living for self and striving for the things that don’t matter in this world. 

More on The Potter and clay in a future post.

Well, my first post re this topic might have seemed juvenile.  But sometimes lessons God puts on my heart for the kiddos speak volumes to me.

That hole inside each of us we try to fill with varying things.  Even good things can be such a distraction or weak imitations.

Family, for instance, is a great thing!!  Didn’t God ordain family and relationships from the beginning of time?  Of course, but I do think that many of us are prone to even put relationships in the family above Him.  At least, I know I am.

Early on in our marriage, I prayed for God to help me love HIM first, my hubby next and my parents after that.  After God blessed us with a son, I realized that it was easy to get that out of balance as well.  As a mom, putting your children first is an easy temptation – and one that society/world truly condones.  But doing that breeds insecurity in the child/children and creates problematic ripple effects in the family.

Even as an adult now, I want our son to know and realize that he is not first.  As much as I love Nathan, I want him to know God comes first in my life, and then his dad.  That’s not always easy to live out. 

Only being filled up with the Lord and spending time with Him allows us to keep all of it in proper perspective and with the right priorities.

Just like I told the kiddos in VBS one day, God knows our heart.  He knows if we’re just using Him to get what we want – and that’s the only reason we’re taking the time to chat with Him.  Or if we are truly desiring a relationship with Him – to know Him, praise Him, thank Him and be molded into His image.

I don’t want to be guilty of wanting the “gift” without acknowledging/knowing and loving the “Giver”.

If you’re a parent, then this analogy should be one you can relate to.  Have you ever felt USED by your child?  Maybe he/she was away at college and only called home because he/she needed some money or a certain item?

Ever been at an event for your child, and he/she makes it obvious that the only reason he/she is glad you came is so you can purchase items at the concession stand or because you have money?

Every parent on the planet knows the pain from those type scenarios.  Think for a minute about how God must feel when we use and abuse Him as well.

Recently, I’ve heard several different people say, “God rarely speaks to me” or “I’ve never heard God speak to me”.  Maybe I’m going out on a limb here, but if we truly want to be filled up and KNOW God, I think we need to do our part…we need to be INTENTIONAL to come sit in His lap, be still and cozy up to Him.  We need to sit on his lap, as we would our own earthly father or mother and love on Him.  Not just wait for what He will give us.

I certainly know I need to do more of that.  And not just talk to Him, but listen and wait …wait to hear that still, small voice. And be willing to sacrifice time or something precious to me to make uninterrupted time with Him a priority.

This week I’ve been getting ready to go out of town on a girls’ getaway trip.  It’s only for 5 days, but still.  Not only do I need to be packed and ready, I want to leave the house totally clean, things in order and food for the hubby.  Doesn’t sound like that much of a tall order.  But the week prior to the trip, tons of things came up that I wasn’t expecting.  All that to say, I usually make time for the Lord first thing in the am.  But yesterday, I didn’t.  Yesterday, I caught myself “praying on the run” as it were.  You know…little sentence prayers in the car as I was driving.  Nothing wrong with that, in my opinion, if that’s not your main time with the Father.  Oh, I had sat for about 2 minutes and read a devotion…I had uttered a quick prayer.  But then I was off with all of my tasks.  I’m not trying to be legalistic.  I know God understands when we have major responsibilities.  But I did have time to spend with Him yesterday.  I just made the wrong choices.

I feel the difference on the days I opt to replace our time.  When I do, I know I truly am depriving myself of that rich relationship.  More than anything, I want to know the Father in an intimate and close way…and love on Him and let Him love on me and fill me up.  I want Him to share things with me as His child and daughter.

Years ago, I heard that God had a phone number.  I thought that was a strange phrase until I heard “the rest of the story”, so to speak.  If you want to hear from God and allow Him to speak into your life, look up Jeremiah 33:3. “Call unto me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

For me, there’s nothing more important than hearing from the Lord and having that conversation with Him.  I’ve learned the hard way that only He can truly fill me up.  Once He does, then I’m free to experience everything else He has in store for me. 

Because He made us, He knows how to fill us better than anyone else. 

Years ago, Dunkin Donuts had a silly commercial where the little guy with a mustache was near a conveyer belt and he constantly repeated, “Time to make the donuts.  Time to make the donuts.”  That ridiculous slogan and commercial is a reminder to me that MY MAKER is THE one who knows how to truly be the munchkin, if you will, that fills every crevice and cranny so I’m free and unencumbered to experience the abundant life.

Even though it may be a silly analogy, I hope when you see or indulge in a donut, you truly contemplate the question, “Who is filling that void inside of you?”

Do you like donuts?  Me, too!  I mean, who doesn’t like donuts?  A chocolate cake donut from Dunkin or a mouth-watering glazed Krispy Kreme sounds pretty yummy right now.

Why am I writing about donuts?

Our church just concluded another Vacation Bible School.  How thankful we were to be HAVING VBS after not being able to last year due to the coronavirus.  But I digress.

One of the lessons I taught to 6^th-7^th graders was to pretend you are like a donut.  Yes, you read correctly.  God gave me this idea from a video series I watched with our son, Nathan, years ago when he was quite young.  The Donut Man talked to young kids about this very thing.  I just took his idea and capitalized on it.

I am asking you to pause and contemplate for a moment.  You, like the donut, have a hole inside of you.  Oh, you can’t see it.  If a surgeon opened you up for heart surgery, he couldn’t identify it.  But it’s there.  You know it is…deep inside.  It aches; it longs; it desires.

But we trying filling that hole with a lit bit of everything – material possessions for one or maybe just money.  Do you obsess over making money or constantly think about it?  Do you struggle to trust God with your finances or you’re never satisfied with what you have?  Or is it material things?  Are you constantly wanting more to “keep up with the Jones’, so to speak?

Think for a minute how fleeting all of it is.  I like to shop as much as the next girl…clothes, shoes, etc.  All of it is appealing.  For me, jewelry is a weakness.  Sometimes I just choose to stay out of the jewelry department so I’m not tempted to buy a necklace or a pair of earrings that I don’t really need.  Recently, we were out of town and in an area with a Brighton outlet.  Now, I love Brighton jewelry (made it Brighton, England).  I’ve told my hubby if we ever have the privilege of going to the actual place where the jewelry is made to watch out; I am not sure I would have much self-control.  This particular day I discovered the Brighton outlet, the store was having a very good sale on certain merchandise.  I purchased a pair of earrings; they were unique, unusual, stunning and I knew they would go with everything.  I have enjoyed those earrings.  I only paid $20 for them!!  Quite a steal, if you’re familiar with Brighton prices.  But, I realized a few hours later and especially the next day.  That purchase was somewhat empty.  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  I still like the earrings; I still get compliments on them.  But, I really didn’t need them.  They only brought me pleasure for a very brief time.

That’s the way most things in life that we try to fill ourselves up with are…true?  Think of your hobbies.  Gardening, exercising, playing music, sewing, fishing, hunting…whatever yours may be.  It’s all fleeting.

None of these things are wrong or bad.  But none will every truly fill us up.

There are folks we know – maybe even some reading this – that try to fill themselves up with drugs or alcohol.  It could be illegal drugs or prescription drugs.  Whatever the case, we know all of these are just temporary fixes.  Recently, Norman and I met a waitress at Waffle House that told us a little bit about her background.  A huge smile came across her face, and she beamed when she shared with us that she was 6 years sober.  I knew from her words and her countenance that it had been a struggle to get there.  But she was taking it one day at a time – and depending on the Lord as she chose every day to choose HIM over the drinking.  I tried to praise her and tell her how proud I was of her!  I only know from a family member just a taste of how difficult this particular struggle might be.

Maybe you don’t struggle to fill that void up with anything horrible like alcohol, drugs, violence or the like.  Yours could even be work.  The Lord tells us in the Bible it’s good to be disciplined and work and plan for the future.  But we can get it out of balance and become a work-aholic. 

It could be sports…playing a certain sport, watching a certain sport on TV.  Don’t you have that friend that he/she can only talk about sports and is totally obsessed with it, whether it be baseball, football, tennis or soccer?

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with these things.  We all need outlets.  We all need extracurricular activities and distractions that help us destress, relax and just enjoy life.

But, bottom line.  Think of it like this.  Before Norman and I were married and just engaged, we went through marriage counseling at my home church.  Dr. Charles Carter, the preacher that married us, didn’t do the counseling himself.  But the associate pastor, Ed Hoard, conducted the sessions to get us prepared to be husband and wife.  Neither of us knew what to expect.  We already knew Ed well and that helped us relax and be ourselves.  But I was stunned at our first session.  Just on a plain piece of paper, Ed had us individually think about our growing up years, our teenage years and our adult years (both of us were older singles when we married – Norman 33 years old and me 27 years old).  But our ages really didn’t matter.  Ed had each of us draw 3 buckets on our paper.  The first bucket we labeled “physical”, the 2^nd bucket we labeled “emotional”, and the last bucket we labeled “spiritual”.  He had us evaluate ourselves, as well as our parents and how our needs were met.  The first one was the easiest.  Were your primary needs met by your parents?  Were you protected by your parents?  Cared for, given food, clothes and necessities to meet physical needs?  Norman and I were blessed to both have that bucket completely filled.  We drew our lines up to the brim on that particular bucket.  But the other two were more tenable.  I won’t get into specifics.  But one of us was able to fill the emotional bucket up to the brim; the other one not as much.  As far as the spiritual bucket, it was the same.  One of us drew “our fill line” up to the brim; the other one was not as full.  Why would Ed have us do this exercise?

The same reason I’m asking you to think of yourself as a donut.  You are incomplete.  You have a void…a hole in the core of you, if you will.  Just like a donut can only be filled by just one certain munchkin, the one that was made specifically for it.  You and I are the same way.  God, through His Son, Jesus, is the ONLY ONE who can fill us up. 

As Ed’s wise exercise taught us, your spouse can’t fill you up.  Your spouse can’t make up for deficiencies with your parents or in your past.  If you look to your spouse to make up for those weaknesses, you will end up blaming him/her and resenting or blaming. It was one of THE best things I learned in marriage counseling…not to look to Norman to fill me up.

How about you?

Here’s a verse I shared with the kiddos.

Matthew 6:33 – “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.”

Filling that empty place with God first is the key, according to this verse.  For me, that means sacrificing time to get up early to be in the Word and to have time to pray and listen…not just praying on the go.  You know what I mean, right?

Being filled up with God/Jesus and the Holy Spirit happens when you first ask Jesus to come in and be your Savior.  But, in my opinion, from that point on, you must be intentional to stay connected.  I’m not saying you have to work at your salvation.  But you do have to work at your relationship.

Romans 12: 1-2 reminds us “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”  Conforming to the pattern of this world is fairly easy.  It’s a no brainer.  If I watch the same TV shows, listen to the same music or indulge in the same activities as the world, then I’m going to look the same, act the same and “fit in”.  But God tells me to “renew my mind”.  There’s only one way to do that…spending quality time with Him, through His Son, Jesus.  Time in the Bible, time talking to Him and time listening…so that over time my attitudes, my mindset, my mind and heart are slowly and gradually changed to be more like HIM and less like the world.

Even this morning, I was reminded that I can so look to others to fill me up.  I’m a pleaser by nature.  But ultimately, there’s only ONE I want and/or need to please.

How about you?  The next time you eat a donut, ask the Lord to help you be aware of who/what you’re looking to when it comes to filling you up.  Remember, HE is your Creator.  He knows how to fill you up and satisfy you better than anyone or anything else.  It’s time well spent getting “filled”.

Now, go eat a donut for me!!

It’s always seemed so weird and strange to me that men and women back in the Bible worshiped statues and gods like Baal.  How could they be so dense?  Even as a kid, I couldn’t wrap my brain around it.  Did these people really worship a statue and think something bronze or iron (crafted by man) had power?

But the older I’ve gotten, the more I realize how each of us struggles and has his/her own idols.  We might not label them as idols, but if we are honest, that’s exactly what they are as they create the same distraction or importance those little statues did back in Jesus’ day.

Facebook, Instagram, your Iphone or tablet – how much time do you spend on these?  I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with these devices or any of these social media outlets.  Just stop and examine…how much time do you spend on these?  In comparison to praying or reading the Word?  A little humbling when you think about it like that, huh?

It is for me.

What about watching television?  Maybe reading? 

Idols don’t have to necessarily be horrible vices in your life.

Even a spouse or your children can be an idol.

I can hear you now.  Laura, you’re going a little too far, aren’t you?  After all, Jesus wants us to sacrifice and care for our spouses, children, parents and grands, correct?  I agree.  But do you ever get that out of balance?

What’s the first and greatest command?  “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.”  This verse makes it clear that HE wants to have your total allegiance.

Do you put HIM first, above all else? 

What about sports?  Other hobbies?  Going to the lake, traveling, recreation in general?

Your reputation?  Your money?  Your job?

Once I consider all the endless possibilities for idols in my life, those little bronze statues or golden calves don’t seem so silly anymore.  The human race has been struggling with idols from the beginning of time! 

Have you ever stopped to examine or ask the Lord to point out if you have idols in your life that compete with Him being first place in your life?

Have you ever been trucking along in life, thinking that you have your act together spiritually – at least somewhat, and then BOOM!!  Out of the blue, something knocks the props out from under you.  Blindsided.

This scenario happened to me the other day.

A few days prior I was actually singing the old hymn, “Higher Ground”.  Just in case you’re not familiar with this tune, here are some of the words:

“I’m pressing on the upward way, new heights I’m gaining everyday

Still praying as I’m onward bound, ‘Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.

Lord, lift me up and let me stand, by faith on heaven’s table land,

A higher plane than I have found, Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.”

I was singing the words to this song, content in my spirit and feeling like I was close to the Lord and moving in the right direction.  Oh, that doesn’t imply I thought everything was perfect with me.  But you know what I mean…I had been consistent in spending time with the Lord; I felt like I was moving towards “higher ground” spiritually with Him; there were no major sins to confess; no one that I had knowingly wronged and no bitterness/anger/unforgiveness and the like.  The Lord and I had some intimate times together, and I felt like I was growing and content.  I had witnessed the Lord answer some major prayer requests…and move as only He could.

Then, out of nowhere it hit.

Here’s a vague and brief synopsis. I was serving the Lord “supposedly” in a certain area of ministry at church. I had prayed for some clear direction and a specific idea.  The Lord came through and gave me a creative idea, I thought.  An incredible idea!!  But then, someone poured cold water on it.  Someone took the wind out from under my sails, as it were.  At least for me, on this particular day and at this inopportune moment, everything came crashing down….my spiritual maturity, my good attitude, my contentment and peace, my excitement and zeal for serving and my whole disposition. 

In hindsight and even as I type, it seems so childish.  It was childish.  But in that brief moment, I wallowed in it.  I was frustrated; upset; casting blame; looking to the culprit or the person who didn’t share my enthusiasm vs. looking to what God wanted me to learn.

I responded “in the flesh” and didn’t seek “higher ground”.  I had nose dived and my selfishness and childishness were leading the way!

Don’t be reading this and saying you’ve never been there.  Friend, I KNOW you’ve been there.  It might not be the same exact set of circumstances, but I know you’ve experienced something similar.

Perhaps it was a situation with a family member where you KNOW you were in the right. You struggled to forgive, to get past it and move on.  Maybe it was a scenario at church in which you were offended…beyond offended, but hurt and misunderstood.  Or maybe it was something in the work place where a fellow employee undercut you or made you look bad to the boss.  I don’t know YOUR situation.  But God does.

What’s the point?  What do you do when your sinful nature raises its ugly head and challenges you — and you cave?  What do you do when you respond in the flesh vs. being Christlike?

I’m embarrassed to say, it took me a couple of hours to get my composure.  I had much on my plate and didn’t have time to deal with issues like this.  The enemy loves it when we are stressed out, busy and distracted…for it’s during those times when he knows exactly how to push our buttons and take advantage of our weaknesses. 

 I finally stopped and prayed.  I had to breathe and slow down.  I had to confess my bad attitude and at first, I had to “justify” to the Lord my side of things.  Come on, you’ve been there.  It’s almost like a kid crying to his parent and hearing in his voice how silly the entire thing sounds.

But once, I started talking to the Lord, my attitude began to change.  I began to see things more from His perspective.  I began to realize that I needed to take my hands off the situation (and the creative, incredible idea) and let Him be in control.  More than that, I needed Him to be in control of ME….my emotions, my thoughts, my attitude and especially my heart.  If I was going to serve and not just go through the motions, I would have to do deal with this issue NOW and let the Lord chip off every ugly, childish and immature piece of me.  It wasn’t easy.  I didn’t want Him to at first.  I wanted to stay in my state of unforgiveness and pouting. I wasn’t ready to be cleansed and run through the “car wash of righteousness” if you will.  I wanted to hang on to my rights and my “stuff” a little while longer.  I wasn’t ready to exchange them quite yet for the right/best thing

But I realized at this point, as I have numerous times before, I have a huge choice.

I can decide to succumb to my flesh and let those emotions and SELF control and dominate me.  I can justify what I’m feeling; I can justify holding a grudge or being upset or whatever the case may be. 

Or I can submit.  And let Jesus control me; no matter whose fault it is, no matter what the circumstances are, no matter how hurt or wounded I feel. 

I chose the latter, and as always, it made all the difference.  It took a little while.  But my peace returned. 

I want my heart to be like play dough, fresh play dough – moldable, pliable, soft and tender.

If I choose to hold on to the hurt, bitterness, childishness or even JUSTIFIED emotions in the flesh, it won’t take long until my heart becomes like a rock…or even a boulder.  I don’t want that!!  EVER.

Is SELF/FLESH on the throne of your life or JESUS?   

Here are some verses that helped me in this situation and/or have helped me in the past.

As always, I pray my being open about my own struggles helps at least one of you.  I can only trust that God, through the Holy Spirit, is using something I’ve written or shared to speak to YOU.

Psalm 66:18 – If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.  Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!

Psalm 73:23-26  – Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.  Who have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 51:10-12 – Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do no cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 55: 16-19  – But I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.  He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me…

Psalm 51:16-17 – You do not delight in sacrifice or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart

Psalm 86: 5-13 – You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love, to all who call to you.  Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy.  In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.  Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours!  All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.  For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.  Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.  I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.  For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

I John 4:7-20 I won’t type out this chapter, but I strongly encourage you to read it.  Read it again and pray, especially if you’re having trouble loving a brother or sister in Christ. Confess to God that you’re powerless to love in your own strength.  Ask HIM for help!!!

And finally, one of my faves….

I Peter 2:23 – 25 – When they hurled their insults at him (Jesus), he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.  Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.  He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds, you have been healed.  For you were like sheep going astray, by now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. 

I’m praying for you, friend.  Praying you submit and don’t buy into the lies of the enemy who wants to “steal your joy and kill your relationship” with the ONE who bought you with a price!!  Nothing is worth holding on to in exchange for the abundant life God offers through Christ.  I love you.  God loves you more. 

Have you ever gone through a situation in life that stressed, taxed and took all the starch out of you?  Maybe it was a financial issue; perhaps it was a health issue for yourself or a loved one; maybe it was a chronic medical issue with your child or even a difficult spouse that was beyond obstinate and cooperative.

For me, in the last few years, it was not only caregiving but watching the life ebb out of both of my parents and pass from this life to the next.

We moved my parents out of their beautiful home they built and lived in for over 30 years in 2017.  It was a tough decision; neither my husband or I had to twist their arms.  Both knew it was time. 

While I was so grateful for that blessing, it still wasn’t easy.

We moved them, as well as my aunt (Dad’s remaining sister), to an independent living facility just a stone’s throw from their house.  It was a lovely place, and they already knew many from their church.

Barely a month and a half after getting them moved in and their new apartment all fixed up with fresh paint on the walls, shelves hung in the pantry, pictures on the wall and new furniture purchased, my dad, Henry, went into the hospital, with an exacerbation of congestive heart failure.  He had fluid build-up in his legs.  He lost strength. He lost muscle.  He lost energy.  My 6’ 4” Daddy who had always been bigger than life and could fix anything, lift anything, repair my car or make things better, was reduced to not being able to get up on his own and was weak.  It was excruciating to witness.

Mom and I played tag team.  I would go one day; she would go the next or both of us would eventually be at the hospital.  He was never alone.

When he was finally released from the hospital, I moved in with them for about 5-6 weeks.  It was truly my privilege to care for my dad and to help my mom with him.  Mom was already on a walker (an explanation for another time).  All that to say, Mom could not do everything that was needed for Dad.  She had enough issues of her own.  Because of her mobility issues and struggles with balance, she knew it was beyond her.  Mom was fiercely independent and had been a caregiver for her mother, as well as others.  For her to realize that she couldn’t care for her beloved Henry on her own was a tough reality.

There were things I did for my precious father during that time that surprise even me when I look back.  Helping him in the bathroom, helping him dress and just with personal hygiene issues became the “norm”.  The first time I was needed for this type of labor or love, Mom just broke down and said (in front of my dad), “Oh, Laura, I hate you’re having to do this.  You shouldn’t have to be doing this.”  But I had to talk to her afterwards and tell her, “Mom, it can’t be helped.  It is what it is.”  I knew it somewhat embarrassed my dad.  But at that point, he felt too poorly to care.  I had to gently talk to Mom and let her know that we needed to move beyond that and just face the reality.  She did.

I won’t say that doing for Dad in those circumstances was easy, but it was a privilege.  Even in those awkward and uncomfortable moments, I had the pleasure of serving and ministering to a man who had sacrificed and given to me all my life.  I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that was the highest calling and the primary calling in my life for that time.  There was a peace even in the midst of that difficult storm.

All my life, I had been close to my parents.  But this health crisis drew all of us closer to the Lord and each other. It drew my parents closer to one another.  Dad depended on Mom even more, and she tried to give him the energy and motivation to fight what was going on in his body.

It drew me closer to my hubby, Norman, as I vented to him and look to him for strength and solace.  But it also had a surprised affecting of drawing my parents closer to my hubby, Norman, as well.  Both of them depended on him even more and looked to him for help with decisions and really for strength and stability.

Most days, I walked outside the independent living facility just to get a change of scenery and see the outdoors.  In the evenings, I would walk on various floors.  I walked to keep the weight off, reduce stress and just for some light exercise. 

But most days or evenings as I walked, I also conversed with the Lord. This major change in my dad had me crying out to my Heavenly Father like never before.  I realized, like never before, that to get through this and have strength and be what I needed to physically, mentally and emotionally, it would all need to come from the Lord (I sure didn’t have it in me without Jesus). It was a time of refreshing and connecting that I looked forward to.  I poured my heart out to him for many specific needs regarding Dad.  But I also prayed for Mom to have strength, energy, be comforted as she watched the love of her life decline and struggle.  I prayed for her not to overdo in caring for him (that was totally her tendency – to sacrifice herself for the one she loved so).  I lifted my hubby, Norman, for continued patience and understanding during this health crisis.  For him to not resent Mom or Dad for taking me away. Norman had been so supportive, but we all have our limits.

God taught me so much during this season.  I learned to be more and more dependent on Him, and I learned to work and keep pressing forward even when it hurt to see my dad suffering, declining in health and unable to do for himself.  I learned to “press on” and do what was needed in the moment, even when my flesh felt like curling up in a ball and crying and giving up.

Weary, worn out, exhausted at various times – not knowing how or when this journey would end and not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I applied something I had learned in two ministries I had been involved with for most of my life. 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love church and grew up loving the church and learning so much from wonderful preachers, pastors, peers and those who were seniors to me and had much wisdom.  I learned from watching them, being in ministry and serving beside them; I learned from listening as they all had wisdom.  But two ministries outside the church have greatly impacted my life.

One is Moms In Prayer (formerly Moms In Touch).  God literally plopped this ministry in my lap the year Nathan started kindergarten.  It’s a saga for another time, but suffice it to say that the principles in this ministry taught me to pray back scripture.  The format you use when praying is an outline that is based on The Lord’s Prayer. And because mothers and grandmothers are involved,  a format is needed  or we women would ramble and not stay focused when praying for our kids/grands.  Anyway, you begin with Praise, proceed to silent Confession, corporate Thanksgiving, Supplication for children (a Bible verse and then a specific request), then supplication for teachers, staff and the school and finally the ministry of MIP.  The most powerful section from this list, in my opinion, is Praise.  Before beginning MIP, I don’t know that I had ever truly PRAISED the Lord.  I had thanked Him for blessings, answers to prayer, ways I had witnessed Him work and move.  But PRAISE is different.  Praise is  focusing on God’s character and who HE is — not what He has done for you.  In the beginning, it wasn’t easy to separate the two.  But through the years, Praise became so important.  I couldn’t even have my own devotional time without beginning with this important and crucial aspect.  Also, I noticed a trend…when the ladies in my group and I saw MAJOR corporate answers to prayers for our children, it seemed to be directly tied to when our PRAISE time had been especially meaningful.  I’m in no way saying God only answers prayers when we praise Him and follow a certain formula.  All I mean is PRAISE took on special significance. 

Not only that, but MIP teaches you to focus in one attribute of God each week as you pray.  Furthermore, Bible Study Fellowship is an organization that has impacted my life as well.  It’s a non-denominational Bible study that teaches you how to study the Bible in a 4-pronged approach.  Truly, nothing has grown my understanding of the Bible more than this great method and wonderful organization.  Bible Study Fellowship taught me to PRAISE as well and focus in on attributes of God.

Why in the world do I digress and mention these two organizations now?

Because during this time, God reminded me at every turn to PRAISE Him, even when I didn’t feel like it.  Even when I was worn out and felt like I needed to pour my heart out about Dad and his needs or Mom and hers or Norman/me and our marriage, God whispered to me that HE was the source of my strength.  Offering Him a sacrifice of PRAISE helped me look up and get my eyes on HIM vs. just being down or distraught about the current circumstance.  Focusing on God being Sovereign; Meditating on God being My Refuge and Strength; Telling Him that He had been My Guide in the Past and would continue to be; Praising Him for being My Creator, Redeemer, Savior and Friend caused me to have hope and to put HIM first vs. the problems at hand.  It was truly healing, comforting and gave strength to my soul.  Were there days when I didn’t feel like it?  You bet!  That’s the moments when you plow through anyway and truly offer the sacrifice.

Why do I share this journey with you, friend?

Because whatever you’re going through – marriage struggles, parenting difficulties, a prodigal child, financial burdens, chronic health problems, letting go and sending your immature teen to college, depression, anxiety or whatever the case, it’s easy to focus on the issue at hand.  Anyone can do that.  A non-believer does that.  But as a disciple of Jesus Christ, we are called to die to self and exalt the ONLY ONE Worthy of Our Praise!! 

It should be no surprise that all of this truth is contained within the Bible, God’s Word. 

How many Psalms begin with the phrase, “Praise the Lord”?  I haven’t actually stopped to count, but they are numerous.

One of my favorites is Psalm 103 that begins, “Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.  Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits…”  When is the last time you stopped to PRAISE the Lord for WHO He is?  To really stop and meditate on HIM vs. how He has blessed you and what He has given you but to just focus on His character.

I won’t lie.  At first, it’s not easy.  But once you start, it feels right as you realize it does your heart, mind and spirit good to PRAISE.  He alone is the ONLY ONE truly WORTHY of our Praise!  Burdens become lighter when we Praise; problems still remain problems, but usually PRAISING helps put them in the proper perspective.  PRAISE creates intimacy between you and the Father.

Hebrews 13:15 states, “Through Jesus, therefore let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise.”  In the next entry on Praise, I will attach a list of attributes to help in this journey.  Until then, start your quiet time PRAISING the Lord.  Resist the urge to thank Him for even specific answers to prayer or even blessings.  Don’t ask Him for a thing until you have first gone before His throne of grace and stopped to contemplate who He is and why He is God.  It’s truly life changing!  Praying this suggestion helps even one person reading this.

          It dawns on me as I am in the first few days of this blog that many of you might be thinking, why would Laura write on this subject?  Who does she think she is?  If I was going to start a blog on cooking, I would need to have a culinary degree or at least be an “expert” in the field.  If I was going to blog about photography, I would hope to have some courses under my belt and have some major knowledge on the subject.  Do I consider myself an “expert” on God, Jesus, the Bible, spiritual matters and the like?  Definitely not!!  I don’t have a seminary degree; I don’t claim to have extraordinary knowledge regarding the Bible.  Then, what qualifies me to write this blog for the Lord?  The same thing that QUALIFIES each of us to live this Christian life, to open our mouths and share a word of testimony about the Lord and His saving power…Jesus living within me!!

          In addition, I KNOW it’s something God has called me to do.  I keep hearing that “still, small voice” saying, “Write for me” so this blog is just one way I’m attempting to follow through.

          I’m Laura Watson Neeley, a woman who wants to be obedient and totally surrendered in ALL areas of my life to Jehovah God and Jesus, my Savior.

          As a child growing up, I was happy and secure.  My happiness and security came from being loved by my parents and grandmother who lived with us, as well as extended family.  I was close to all of them.  We attended church on a fairly regular basis and through my home life and church involvement, good moral values were instilled in me.

          Even though I was fairly happy and secure and was a “good” kid, during a Vacation Bible School service, I realized something was missing in my life.  I think I had known that for a while, but this service brought it to a head.  God convicted me of my sin. I realized WHY God sent Jesus to earth and that He died for me. That next Sunday, I made the most important decision I’ve ever made in my life.  I prayed for forgiveness of my sins and asked Jesus to come into my heart and life.  I wanted him to be my Savior; I wanted the gift of eternal life (to live with him forever in heaven); and I wanted Him to take control of my life. 

          My parents were thrilled with this step, as I was, but because I was only 10 years old my dad was doubtful as to whether or not I was mature enough to fully understand and comprehend this life-changing decision.  I overheard him discuss his doubts with my mom and soon doubts began to grow in my heart and head about my decision. 

          During this time, I prayed (as a 10-year old girl with childlike faith and trust) and asked God to assure me of my decision.  I wanted to know that if I died tonight, I’d go to heaven because Jesus had really come to live in my heart.  I wanted to know He was real and living inside of me at that very moment I had prayed!  Two weeks after I first prayed and asked God for confirmation, I was baptized.  It was one of THE most unforgettable experiences of my life!  As I “arose” out of the water after the preacher dunked me, I felt like a pure and new creature.  I truly felt as every sin I had every committed was taken away in that split second!!  I was whole and free!!  Mom was standing in the baptistry waiting for me, and she was crying because she said I was as white as the robe I was wearing.  There was a new glow radiating from me.  What she saw on the outside, I felt on the inside!!  Jesus had washed all my sins away and made me feel clean.  At that moment all my questioning was removed, and I was CERTAIN that Jesus had truly come into my heart and life.  No more doubts.  I thanked God for him answering my prayer.

          Since that unforgettable night, that peace I felt in that moment of coming up from the water has continued to be with me.  Looking back, I know Jesus came in the minute I first prayed.  He just allowed me to have that special experience when I was baptized to satisfy me and confirm my salvation.

          I followed the Lord in high school, looking up to my Youth Minister, Larry Lawrence, as my spiritual mentor and someone I wanted to emulate.  He had a love and enthusiasm for the Lord that was contagious!!  My faith grew by leaps and bounds under his teaching and guidance.  His wife, Anna, made an impact on me as well.

          But when I went off to college, my faith took a major turn.  I went to a college about 90 miles away from my home of Jonesboro.  It was then called Georgia College and was located in Milledgeville, a small town in the middle of the state.  I WANTED to go to a college/university where I didn’t know anyone.  I wanted a fresh start; I knew God led me to GC and made that choice very clear.  That’s another story for another time.

But in those first three months, I was super lonely.  I loved my roommate, Tomi, and we connected instantly.  That was a HUGE prayer God answered.  I had prayed about my roommate for many months, and He was so faithful in blessing me with Tomi.  But she had two friends from her hometown of Monroe that lived across the hall from us.  The three of them had grown up together and attended the same high school.  They befriended me and let me hang with them.  But I always felt like I was the “fourth wheel”. 

I wasn’t that far from home, but it didn’t matter that the distance was only an hour and a half away.  It could’ve been 300 miles.  I still missed my parents, my grandmother (Gan), my dogs and everything and everyone that was familiar.  During the week, I received letters from home.  I longed to check my mailbox and get a letter from Mom or Gan, even if it wasn’t especially “newsy”.  It was just like talking to one of them.  Mom was especially faithful to write at least 2-3 notes a week; Dad’s letters were more rare, but I loved getting cards from the two of them or Gan as it was a connection to home and to what I knew. 

Back then, we didn’t have cell phones.  On our 3^rd floor hall in the all-girls-dormitory, we had one phone booth.  Yes, a booth!!  It had folding glass doors that you could pull to you once inside the booth so you had some privacy. Each girl on the hall was allowed one 15-minute call during the week.  That sounds like a lot of time, but it wasn’t.  I remember wanting to always talk longer, but there was always another girl waiting in line outside the booth so you couldn’t.  Those minutes on the phone were priceless moments and precious conversations with my parents. It was in that booth that Dad said, “I love you, Laura” for the first time.  He had told me since I was little that he loved me – and I knew it.  He demonstrated it.  But it wasn’t until I was in college that freshman year that he INITIATED it and said it without me saying anything first.  I remember it like it occurred yesterday.  I cried as soon as we hung up!!

Even though I went home almost every weekend that first year, it was still an adjustment.  I still missed everything and everyone familiar.  I missed dinnertime.  I missed telling Mom every detail about my day at school.  I missed Dad coming home from work, smelling like grease and airplane fumes.  I missed being with my Gan in the kitchen or holding my poodle, Kricket.  I missed friends; I missed home. 

But at the same time, I knew I needed to be away.  I needed to grow up.  I wanted to be successful.  I wanted to find my way and follow what God had for me.  I didn’t exactly know the next step, but I knew I was going to find it at Georgia College.  God had made that abundantly clear. 

It was during this initial period that God became so real to me. During those first three months when I didn’t have a true friend, He became that “friend that sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

I would meet Him in the morning through reading the Bible and praying to Him constantly as I walked to class, to the dining hall or wherever on campus. I cried out to him about my loneliness; I worried about doing well in college academically and asked Him to help me know how to study; I remember even praying about getting up on time and getting to class on time (it’s one reason He put me with Tomi as she was a morning person, and I was a night owl.  Without her, I wouldn’t have made it to many 8 am classes without her patience in waking me up after my alarm went off a zillion times); I cried out to Him to show me if I was supposed to be a teacher; I prayed for godly friends that I could do life with and on and on.

So before making friends and really getting “plugged in” to college life or getting close to my roommate or others, God became the friend I relied on. 

During those college years, I eventually became close to Tomi and made some dear and special lifelong friendships.  My freshmen year, I got involved in Baptist Student Union (BSU).  This organization proved to be a major blessing in my life and where most of my friends came from. God used BSU to draw me closer to Him and to grow my faith.  I had a family of Christian friends for the first time in my life (church youth group was NOT a fun experience for me).  It was a HUGE blessing! 

I will pick up here next time.  Please tune in tomorrow.  Same bat time.  Same bat channel…

          I was in college between 1980-1984. Sounds like a long time ago, and it was. I can distinctly remember calling home my freshmen year to announce to my parents that I had signed up for “boating and sailing” as my first required physical education course. They both were stunned and chuckled a little – each of them.  How could they not?  Dad was a natural athlete growing up.  You could tell that just by looking at him.  He was slim, muscular and played football in high school.  He tried to go to college on a football scholarship, and in his words was “not good enough”.  Mom was a majorette (one of the firsts at College Park High school), ice skater, cheerleader and star of her basketball team.  Seriously.  If we ever ran into anyone who knew her back in her high school days, they always said something about her playing basketball.  I had seen the newspaper clippings to prove it.  Then, they had me.  I tried hard and gave 110% in sports, but I just wasn’t present when God was doling out athletic ability.  I struggled in this area.  Dad and Mom worked with me, but they never made me feel “less than” in this area or like I didn’t measure up. 

When I was in high school, I didn’t have to take all the physical education requirements because I was in band.  Fine arts trumped the physical education classes.  But in college, I would need to take 6 classes of physical education courses!!  Knowing I wasn’t that coordinated, I thought why not do something unusual.  Georgia College in Milledgeville, where I received my Bachelor’s degree, had part of its campus on Lake Sinclair.  It was the perfect place to learn how to boat and sail – on a small, private lake.

          I remember one of my parents asking if I knew what was involved in that course. They tried to be encouraging, but I knew they were skeptical and had their doubts.  Secretly, I did as well, but thought this course would be fun and adventurous.  Now, that’s a funny line if you know me.  I like to have fun as much as the next girl.  But “adventurous” is not usually in my vocabulary.  I’m the ultimate scaredy cat.

          Boating and sailing began.  I remember driving out to the lake and seeing the cabin that was adjacent to the lake. The scene was so calm and peaceful…a small, tranquil lake surrounded by trees all around.  A few birds that dotted the water and squirrels that scurried around.  It was a calm and peaceful setting.  Boating and sailing would not turn out to be calm and peaceful (at least not at first) – and it sure didn’t start out being fun.

 We started out in the cabin with the teacher calling roll and giving us some expectations for the course.  Coach, as I would soon learn, was more like a drill sergeant.  He was former military (and told us so numerous times throughout the quarter), had a deep and gruff voice and was somewhat impatient.  Still, he proved to be a good instructor.  I remember walking out to the dock that first day. None of us knew one another as we were all freshmen.  We each went to a sailboat and stood behind it.  We were paired up with another person in the class.  Initially I thought, “This experience will be great!  We’re going to get in the water today and go sailing!”  Oh, to be that naïve and ignorant again!  We began learning how to tie knots with ropes.  I don’t remember all the names for each of the knots, but there were many…and at least at first, it was quite intimidating.  Coach expected you to master tying each type the first time around. Needless to say, learning each of the knots, remembering how to weave and tie each one and mastering the names as well as the intricacies was not an easy task, especially for me.  But I was determined to learn this skill and do well in the course.

It’s been too long ago to remember how many classes it was before we finally got the boats in the water.  But what I do remember is that Coach Willingham (I’ve changed his name) had one rule while we were in the boat.  He repeated it several times during each class period.  “Whenever you are in the boat, and the wind starts to whip or change directions, and you/your partner can’t figure out the direction of the wind, LET GO of the rudder and the rope attached to the sail; the boat will do the rest and stabilize in the water.”  Now the rudder was a tiny piece of wood that set down in the water.  When you were in the back as the captain of the ship, your job was to hold the rope of the sail with one hand, and use the other to move the rudder.  It’s been too many years ago to remember every little detail.  But what I do recall is this:  When the sail is flapping in the wind, and the boat becomes unstable and begins bopping up and down in the water, and you can’t determine the direction of the wind, the last thing that seems natural to do is LET GO of the rudder.  The natural inclination, the tendency, the instinct is to HOLD ON to that rudder for dear life!  And to CLING to the rope attached to the sail. But Coach Willingham drilled the opposite fact into our impressionable freshmen minds during that fall semester:  LET GO.  Truly, it was counterintuitive to all you would FEEL at the time.  Still, every single person in the class had tipped over in his/her boat at least one time during the 4 months of learning how to operate that small sailboat on the water.  Once you capsized and found yourself soaking wet in your clothes, having to hoist yourself back into the boat, etc., you somewhat learned the lesson.  The next time the same scenario presented itself, you remembered NOT to follow the natural inclination, but to remember Coach’s #1 rule…the golden rule of sailing if you will to LET GO of the rudder and the sail, and the boat will do the rest.  It will FIND the wind and stabilize itself.  As I said, most everyone in the class learned the hard way by tipping over at least once or twice.  Me included.

But there was one guy in our class, Ernie, that seemed determined to CLING to the rudder and to the sail.  I came to know Ernie as we had a couple of classes together besides “boating and sailing”.  He also attended Baptist Student Union.  He was a foreign exchange student from Curacao, Venezuela.  I admired Ernie; he was so far from home, and his spoken English although broken was excellent.  Trying to read and comprehend for his studies was a challenge, but he persevered. He had an optimistic attitude and seemed to radiate joy (including a smile on his face). However, in boating and sailing, Ernie must have flipped the sailboat 20-30 times throughout the quarter.  I am not exaggerating!  Ernie never seemed to learn the golden rule of LETTING GO when the wind picked up or when something went awry on the water.  Instead, Ernie clung to the rope and the rudder.  I’m not usually one to laugh at someone else’s expense, but in this situation, I couldn’t help myself.  The same scenario occurred so often, at least once or twice a week in class.  Each of us would get in our boats and be enjoying the water and some sailing time.  Invariably, the wind would change direction.  Most of us had learned, by this time, to LET GO of the rudder and the sail and allow the boat to stabilize on its own.  Then, you can once again enjoy smooth sailing.  But not Ernie.  I can distinctly recall Coach yelling from the dock, “Pauletta (Ernie’s last name), let go of the rudder.  Let go, son!!”  No matter what he yelled, no matter how many times he yelled, Ernie would invariably flip the boat because he just couldn’t bring himself to LET GO.  Finally, the last 2-3 times we were out on the water, Ernie did not tip the boat.  It was truly an amazing feat!  I was excited for Ernie that he finally got it and was successful!

Our “final” in the class was two-fold, if I remember correctly.  We had to tie knots, do certain things to secure the boat and perform certain tasks on the water in the boat with Coach watch and evaluating.  I don’t think we had a written exam.  The second part of our skills test came later in the cabin.  We only went to the cabin in the event of inclement weather so meeting in there (other than the first day) was rare.  But here we were at the end of the quarter.  Coach Willingham sat at the front of the room with his correct posture, distinct military-style demeanor and his gruff voice.  I don’t remember if we as students sat in desks or benches.  But I do remember Coach Willingham called each of Mr. or Miss with our last names attached…never our first name.  It was more formal than any other college class, more intimidating and frankly, made me feel more like an adult.  During this last class period, much to our surmise, Coach Willingham said this was our evaluation.  We were to evaluate ourselves.  He went through the expectations of what would warrant an A, B, C, etc.  As he went through the roll, he called on each one of us.  We had to stand where we were sitting, announce to the entire class, “I think I deserve the grade of ___ and this is why”.  Not only did Coach Willingham want each of us to choose our own grade, but each had to defend his/her decision.  I remember mulling things over in my head that day.  It was going to be difficult to stand and state my reasons.  Everyone else would be listening.  I was stunned as the first few names were called – and unlike other college classes, our names were not in alphabetical order.  There is a reason I include that little tidbit.  My maiden name is Watson so I should’ve been near the end, if Coach had followed the natural order of things, but he did not.  There were many other guys and girls that went prior to me.  I was stunned as most thought the grade they deserved was a “B”.  There was one “C”, and a few were bold to state they deserved an “A”.  I remember thinking, “This is crazy.  I’m not going to let this class ruin my GPA. I’ve worked hard in this course.  I’ve learned everything coach has asked me to — and I’ve practiced the knots….”  Anyway, I did stand with boldness when Coach called my name.  “Miss Watson, what grade do you think you deserve in this course?”  His voice boomed so loudly in that wooden cabin.  I remember the heat coming from my body and probably my face, but I stood up and prayed for confidence and the words.  I told Coach I deserved an “A” as I had learned the names of all the knots, knew how to tie them well, learned other important aspects of what he had taught us, but mainly I had learned to implement what he taught us about LETTING GO early on.  Shortly after each of us finished our short speech on our self-evaluation, there would be a period of silence.  Coach would listen intently to your reasoning (he always looked you in the eye as if he was boring a hole in your soul).  It was flattering, sincere and intimidating all at the same time.  He made you feel important and scared to death all at the same time.  He truly made you feel like an adult.  For a freshman in college, that is a rare, refreshing and somewhat exciting and terrifying thing!  After his listening, he would take notes or write something.  Those moments of grueling silence seemed to last forever.  Then, he would call you up to his desk and hand you a piece of paper with your final grade.  I distinctly remember this as I was ecstatic to see an “A” on my piece of paper.  I couldn’t wait to show Mom and Dad when I got home!!  I remember the walk to his desk seemed to stretch on forever, and even thought the floor was wooden, it seemed to crack, crackle and make a very loud sound.  Looking back, I’m sure it didn’t.  The atmosphere was so tense and still a little threatening.  Coach commanded respect and expected you to rise to the occasion.  This class was one where you didn’t want to act like you were still a high school senior.  Coach expected you to rise to the level of being a responsible adult, and no one in there wanted to disappoint him, not even the cockiest boy.

But even more than my own speech on the grade I deserved and why, what stands out to me in that wonderful memory was not myself, but my friend, Ernie.  My turn to stand and evaluate myself came before Ernie’s, as I said due to the fact that Coach didn’t call us in alphabetical order.  Ernie was further on down the list.  The majority of the class had already stood to make their self-evaluations.  I was truly stunned at how many thought and declared they only deserved a “B” or a “C”.  Then, Coach barked out, “Mr. Pauletta (Ernie), what grade do you think you deserve in this course?”  On that wood floor, on that fall day, there was total silence in the cabin.  No one seemed to breathe; even the animals were quiet.  Ernie had to change his clothes more than anyone.  Ernie had been soaking wet and flipped his boat too many times to count.  Coach had yelled at him more than anyone else in class; he became impatient and irritated with him at times.  But on this day, Ernie with his optimistic disposition and a smile on his face stood up with great confidence and replied, “Coach, I believe I deserve an “A” in this course.”  Coach Willingham interrupted before Ernie could even get the rest of his thoughts out or back up his grade with the reasoning.  Coach looked up from his papers, took off his readers and sternly replied, “Mr. Pauletta, why in the world would you think you deserve an ‘A’ in this course?  Would you not agree that you have turned over in your sailboat more than any other student?  Would you not agree that you did not listen to me and apply the rules I taught you numerous times when you were on the water?”  I truly don’t think Coach was trying to humiliate Ernie; he was just former military, and it showed.  He operated with a standard of excellence, and he expected and demanded that we follow suit.  So, when he asked Ernie, it was out of sheer disbelief in his response.  Ernie, with a smile on his face, his heavily broken English and honor in his voice, respectfully responded, “Yes, Coach, I know I’ve turned over more than anyone else.  But I’ve also learned more than anyone else.  Now I know to LET GO and not hold on tight to the rudder or the rope of the sail.”  How could Coach argue with that?  For one thing, even when Coach was harsh, abrupt or impatient with Ernie throughout the entire course, I never saw Ernie respond with anything but a positive response.  He kept a smile on his face and a positive, “glass half full” attitude in his heart.  Coach’s treatment of him and Ernie’s own failures never seemed to dampen Ernie’ spirits.  It was really quite stunning, inspiring and impressive.  If I had been Ernie, I would’ve dropped the course months ago.  But he persevered.

To this day, I do not know if Ernie received an “A” or a “B” in the course.  All I know is his speech seemed to sway the Coach that day.  Frankly, it swayed me.  Wasn’t the entire goal of the course to learn…and Ernie had done just that?

I was impressed.  Impressed that he stood up for himself.  Impressed that he was humble enough to admit his mistakes, but savvy enough to communicate how those mistakes had furthered his learning.

Now to the real point.

In your Christian life, what is God asking you to LET GO of?  Is the Holy Spirit convicting you and calling out to you from the shore to LET GO?  Perhaps it’s a prodigal child, a chronic health issue, a financial dilemma, a family situation, someone you need to forgive, a frustrating job, a struggle with elderly parents or just obsessive worry.  Your natural inclination is to cling to it…to hold on to it for dear life as Ernie did with the rope and the rudder. I’m not saying not to pray about it.  I’m not saying not to cry out to God about every part of it.  But, after taking it to the Lord, do you continue to fret, worry, trying to think of ways to remedy the situation yourself?  Do you ignore the Spirit’s pleadings to relinquish control and leave it in the Lord’s hands (as Ernie did with the Coach’s commands)?  Remember, friend, the consequences of doing so.  Your boat will flip as well.  How many times do you need to get wet and have to experience consequences before you release and break free from the grip you have on whatever you’re not trusting to the Lord?

I’ve been there. 

Years ago, Norman and I had been married for several years and both of us longed for a child. We were beyond ready to bring a new little one into the mix and our hearts ached for a baby.  Norman was 33, and I was 27 when we first married (neither of us had been married before).  Obviously, we were older.  We had been single and had numerous experiences as single adults.  We loved our life together as husband and wife, but our attempts to get pregnant were unsuccessful.  I remember reading some books, getting advice from others at school who were just a little beyond us, counting days on the calendar, taking suggestions from friends at church and praying.  I prayed.  We prayed.  But it wasn’t until we went on a major vacation during my spring break one year that I remember this exact prayer.  It was the weekend prior to our trip.  I was getting things out to pack.  Norman must have been at work as I was alone in the house.  I cried out to the Lord.  I threw out that calendar.  I said, “Lord, I’m through manipulating; I’m finished with trying to do this on my own.  It’s all yours.  I give it to you.  I give my longings, my hopes for a baby, my desires for little ones to you.  It’s in your hands.  I’m not going to keep worrying and fretting.  If you want us to get pregnant, then it will come from you.  If we don’t get pregnant, then let me/us accept that as well.”  I was resolute.  I wasn’t angry with the Lord.  I was just to the point of frustration.  I was tired of reading, scheming, manipulating and striving. I cried as I prayed.  I finally released the rudder and rope of the sail and truly LET GO.  Norman did as well (probably not in the same way).  That vacation was memorable as we relished the time with one another, enjoyed the sites and the scenery and made incredible memories.  But God also heard our cries.  He took control of our world and stabilized it.  He steadied our ship of despair and within a couple of weeks of returning, we found out I was pregnant!!  The souvenir we brough home from that trip was not just a new life in the womb, but it was a reminder to us.  That when we seek Him first and allow God to be the Captain of our ship, He truly gives us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4).  I know from experience that it doesn’t always work out exactly like that (with a happy ending), but I do know from experience that no matter the circumstances, when we LET GO and allow Our Heavenly Father to be in charge vs. us trying to hold on tightly and cling to the situation or try to manipulate, it frees us up to experience the peace and joy only He can give. And in the process, we discover He is such a faithful God, who wants the best for us.

One aspect I didn’t include from my memories of boating and sailing was how incredibly peaceful and enjoyable it was on the lake when you mastered the art of LETTING GO.  Then, you could sit back and just coast in the water and take in all the sights and sounds.  It was fun!!  It was serene!!  You weren’t having to work hard; you just trusted the boat, the sail and the water to work in harmony.

Friend, trust the Father God, Jesus His Son and the Holy Spirit that the 3 in 1 are big enough, powerful enough and mighty enough to work in your situation as well.  LET GO and resist your natural inclination to try to do it in your own strength.  In doing so, you will grow closer to the Father and experience “His peace that passes all understanding” (Philippians 4:6-8).  Don’t be an Ernie, where it takes numerous times capsizing before you learn the truth. If that has been your pattern, then confess it to the Lord.   Read the Word, pray and ask God to give you the strength, wisdom, and self-control to do what is counterintuitive.  LET GO!

As I was writing, the Lord brought these verses to mind.  Hebrews 12:1 – 2 “…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…”  What has you entangled?  What is hindering you, friend, from truly submitting and giving God the reigns and full control of your boat?  LET GO of the rope of the sail, the rudder and fix your eyes on Jesus.  He will not disappoint!!

 I won’t lie.  It will be scary at first, but oh, friend.  It is so worth it!!  I pray you can release the rudder, the rope of the sail and sit back in the boat and enjoy the ride. Let God “stabilize your boat”.  It’s a rewarding, glorious and freeing experience when you do!  My life’s verse comes to mind, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (clinging to the rope of the sail and the rudder…your own logic).  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your steps.”  Then, and only then, will you see and take in the God of the Universe and all He is capable to do in your life.  Ephesians 3:20

          Does God really care about practical details in your life?  Surely He has much more important things to do than to bother with trivial things like where you should work, helping you on an interview, directing you to your life’s partner, making a move and the like. Have you ever thought that way?  I know many Christians who believe in God and claim Jesus as his/her Savior, but when it comes to practical issues, God is just too big or He’s too far removed to be involved in daily decisions.

          I, on the other hand, was taught that God cares about EVERY detail in your life and WANTS to be involved in EVERY decision. He truly wants an intimate relationship with me…and more than anything wants me to rely on Him and depend on Him for every little and big choice.  Scripture bears this out in the Old and New Testament.  Joshua prayed and asked God to help him in many battles, even though he was a skilled warrior.  He even prayed and the sun stood still!! Jacob prayed when he was afraid to meet back up with his brother Esau; he had learned the hard way to finally ask for God’s protection and guidance.  Abraham prayed and even was bold enough to question God’s judgement and mercy when he asked for God to spare Sodom.  Joseph prayed when he was in prison unjustly. He waited on God’s timing at every turn. David prayed and asked for forgiveness when he realized his egregious sin after Nathan confronted him. He continually asked God for the next step and to guide His steps in His dysfunctional family.  The church at Antioch prayed and fasted, and the Holy Spirit made it clear that Saul/Paul and Barnabas were supposed to be set apart to go.

          When I graduated from high school, my home church, First Baptist Church of Jonesboro, had a special service in which graduates were honored.  Each of us walked across the platform to receive a hug or handshake from our pastor, Dr. Carter as well as the Youth Minister, Larry Lawrence.  Larry had been so instrumental in my life.  I would carry his teachings and influence with me as I went off to college.  One of the gifts included in our bag of goodies was a crystal key chain in a diamond shape.  I’m sure Larry’s secretary ordered it, but there was no doubt in my mind that HE chose at least the voice engraved on that key chain.  It was Proverbs 3:5-6. 

          As soon as I opened that gift, I immediately changed my key chain.  As I drove my lemon/lime Maverick around (with no air conditioning!!), I remember that key chain was so large that it poked my leg every now and then.  But that key chain did more than create a place on my leg.  That verse had been etched in my heart based on teachings from Larry.  I KNEW from stories he had told that God would direct your path and make His Way obvious if you only believed, prayed and sought Him.  I had heard Larry talk of his own experiences where God had done this; I had heard his wife, Anna, relay events in her life where God had moved.  I heard my pastor, Dr. Charles Carter, do the same from the pulpit.

          But did I believe it?  Could it be true in my life?  What about yours? 

          One of my favorite pastors that I learned from and served under was our associate, Ed Hoard.  Ed used to say, “People can argue with what you say.  People can argue with what you do.  People can argue with God’s Word, but no one can ever argue with your own experience.” 

          I had some things happen in my life growing up that made me know and believe that God would direct my path.  As I was about to graduate from high school, I prayed God would make it clear where he wanted me to go to college.  I asked him to make it in the state of Georgia – not too far from home – and a place that where I could learn to be a teacher, if that was indeed His will for me.  I put these stipulations before Him, but more than anything I prayed for His plan and will for me.

          Several months before graduation I was sitting in a Calculus class having a casual conversation with other peers and my teacher, Mrs. Wade.  She mentioned Georgia College in Milledgeville where she went – and said it used to be the Teachers’ College.  Immediately, my interest was peaked.  She was an excellent teacher; the college was not too far away.  I had other friends who already knew where they were going…UGA, Tift, etc.  After doing more research, I told my parents that I wanted to visit Georgia College.  I continued to pray God would make it obvious.  Mom and I drove down one day during my spring break.  We weren’t out of the car good until a truck drove by with some workers whistling and yelling obscenities.  Mom immediately said, “Get back in this car.  You’re not going to school here!”  She wasn’t joking!!  I had to do some talking to convince her that we couldn’t judge the town/college on that one initial experience.  After we walked around and took a tour, I knew in my spirit, this place was where God wanted me to go.  Even though we couldn’t find a place to eat lunch, even though everything wasn’t quite perfect, I had a peace in my spirit and God made it obvious.  I thanked Him and Mom did as well.  I remember being ecstatic driving home about a new chapter around the corner. 

          This story of God’s direction to the right college is just one of many in my life as I reflect back on God’s faithfulness.  How about you?  Do you have a big decision to make about your career?  A move for your family that you’re not sure about?  Maybe it’s something with your child…should they join a certain team, play a sport or musical instrument or ?  Possibly just changing doctors?  So many decisions we make in life!!  I knew and still know that I don’t want to make them on my own.

Psalm 118-:8-9 Reminds me that “it’s better to trust in God than humans…even a prince!” 

          Are you being wise and consulting Your Maker or are you making a list of pros and cons?  Weighing what seems best?  Sometimes God works through our own intellect and what seems obvious. Many times, family and friends who are well-meaning may all be in agreement, but that doesn’t mean it’s God’s will.  So be wise who you go to for counsel.  Proverbs 3:5-6 tells me clearly “lean not on your own understanding”.  What that means to me is even when it seems logical, even when common sense tells me to do one thing, even when many in my circle that I trust and consider wise tell me one thing, I need to consult God and ask, “Is this what you would have me to do?” 

          All I know is I can reflect on my life and KNOW that God has directed my path numerous times.  He has made the path evident when I’ve cried out to Him. I’m humbled and beyond thankful.  The picture on the cover or static page of my blog was not chosen randomly.  If you look closely, there are two paths.  One is more shaded; the other has the sun brightly shining on it.  That picture is an analogy for my life with the Lord.  Whenever there has been a crossroads, and I waited and prayed and cried out to Him, He was faithful and illumined my path.  And I’ve had the comfort and peace to KNOW I was on the course He ordained for me.  There’s no better feeling in the world!

          I have many more life experiences to share where God came through; He made His will obvious.   My favorite story of that is how He was faithful in leading me to my husband.  It’s a God-story for sure; one that only HE could’ve pulled off.  That’s for next time…until then, I pray you are seeking Him and waiting on His timing and answer before stepping out in your own strength and logic.  Even as many times as God has been faithful to me, I still have to remind myself to go to Him…and not do what I think is best. I pray the same for you, my friend.