In the mornings when I rise, I either immediately get ready for work or I throw on clothes and get out for a walk if I’m not working.  Whether I’m working or not, I end up in our living room to have my devotions, read my Bible and have a prayer time with the Lord before handling all the responsibilities of the day.

          The chair I sit in has a large picture window next to it that overlooks our deck and backyard.  I love the view!! I tried to snap a picture to help you SEE what I see in the mornings.  But I couldn’t get it to copy/paste correctly. There are tall, green trees of various varieties in the background.  Usually, the sun is just coming up and glimmering through the tops of the trees. Squirrels are scampering and jumping from one tree to another and playing chase or tag with one another.  Colorful flowers and plants line our deck.  It’s a gorgeous site to behold anytime but especially early in the morning.  Usually, the scene is serene, still and peaceful.  It’s a perfect spot to worship and praise the Lord!

          The other morning, I had come back from my walk in the neighborhood and was just standing in the living room admiring the view.  About that time, two birds landed on the railing of the deck.  I wish my phone had been handy so I could’ve snapped a quick picture.

          The bird closest to me on the corner of the railing was so tiny.  He was chubby and short…possibly a chickadee or titmouse.  His breast was white, and he was chirping away.  I’ve never seen a bird do this, but he held his head back as he chirped his little heart out.  It was as if he was singing praises to the Almighty!!  It was a glorious sound and a beautiful sight to behold.  His little throat vibrated as he sang to the point that it was obvious to me.  I thought God created him to lean his head back and sing praises – and to remind me that part of my purpose and plan on this earth is to praise Him just like that tiny creature.

          The other bird was taller and sleeker.  He landed behind our white amaryllis vine.  Although he seemed to be hiding, I saw him clearly.  He was attractive as birds go.  But what made me pay attention to him was that he was so quiet.  No chirping; no noise at all coming from his skinny body.

          I know birds can’t smile.  I know birds can’t radiate emotions the way a human does.  I thought both were made from God’s imagination and creativity.  But what a contrast!  One was “joyful”, cheerful and praising his heart out to his Heavenly Father…and brought me joy in the process.  The other bird was “going through the motions”, if you will.  He was almost sullen.  He sure wasn’t singing any praises.  Maybe he was having a bad day. 

          At that moment, I don’t know whether God put this on my heart or the thought just popped into my head.

          “Which one are you?” is what I heard.

          Are you singing praises and thanking your Heavenly Father daily and constantly, despite your circumstances?  Do you point others to Him?

          Or do you struggle to sing praises?  To thank Him?  To rejoice?

          It was sure convicting to me.  I pray those images stay in my head and heart.  And it reminds you to look up and praise your Maker!

For the next few days, I will be posting short, little stories that God has put on my heart. In other words, I won’t be writing my normal very long and laborious articles – ha!! Enjoy the brevity!!! I’m not known for that in my writing or speaking.

          “Noah did everything according to what God commanded.”  Genesis 6:22. What a statement!  Could that be said of you – that you’ve listened and done EVERYTHING God asked of you?  I’ve asked myself this question numerous times.

Noah most certainly was that salmon swimming upstream.  Don’t you know he was shunned, made fun of and laughed at.  But he continued and didn’t let the mocking deter him.  Not only that, but Noah exercised great faith as he had never seen or probably couldn’t even imagine rain, much less a flood to wipe out the inhabitants of the earth!  Noah’s faith in God seemed so resolute; I wonder if he ever waivered. 

          There were others in the Bible known for their obedience…Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Joseph, Isaiah and Saul/Paul, to name a few.

In each case, God had a specific calling for each.  Some questioned the Lord and argued back, wondering WHY God would call them to such a task.  And yet others just accepted and did what was expected.

Let’s pause and consider Moses.  Why would God choose Moses to lead the Israelites?  He had been raised in Pharoah’s house so surely this family connection would seem to give him a “leg up”?  But on the other hand, he had some kind of difficulty speaking; scripture tells us he was “slow of speech” so was it a speech impediment?  Whatever the speech issue was, it made him feel week and ill-equipped to speak on God’s behalf.  And he was a murderer.  Why would God pick a man who had sinned so heinously?  Perhaps his weaknesses made him the perfect candidate to lead the Israelites.  He would have to rely on God.  During his 40 years in the desert of Midian, I believe Moses changed.  We’re not privy to all that happened during this time period, but he emerges from that time in the desert as a God-reliant man vs. a self-centered man, similar to Peter.  

          Then, there’s Joshua.  Not only was Moses an incredible mentor and exemplary role model to Joshua, but in his own right, Joshua was a great warrior and military strategist.  Isn’t it ironic that God would choose a man who had all the military know-how and then have him march around Jericho and shout vs. fighting to conquer the city?  What restraint Joshua had to use…and oh, the trust he must’ve had in Jehovah!  But by being obedient and doing it God’s way, the One True God got the glory, not Joshua.  God was teaching Joshua, like He tries to teach us, that His Plan and Power is ALWAYS better than our own strengths and abilities. 

          I could go on and on with people in the Bible who are exemplary when it comes to obedience.  But there are some standouts from my perspective. One who rises to the top, in my opinion, would have to be Abraham.  Early on, God called this man of God to leave the known and venture to an unseen place, leaving everything familiar.  Along the way, Abraham was given several other “tests” of obedience and faith.  For me personally, I definitely would’ve failed the test when it came to Lot.  That selfish, egotistical nephew would’ve tried my patience! Abraham showed great compassion, wisdom and selflessness in his dealings with this family member. I would’ve kicked him to the curb (in my flesh – ha!).  Just being honest.  But let’s fast forward through Abraham’s journey with the Lord.  The pinnacle of trials came when God called him to sacrifice his most precious gift, Isaac.  Would God really ask this of Him?  Yes, he did!  And Abraham passed the test with flying colors!!!  I love this account in Genesis, but search for this true Biblical account on Nest videos.  I’ve used it several times to teach children this story, and it’s always sobering and a good reminder of the incredible faith and relationship Abraham had with the Lord.

          After becoming a mother and only having one son, I can’t hardly wrap my brain around what Abraham went through.  But the older I become, I do understand why God put him through this most extreme test.  God so wants to be #1 on the throne of your life and mine.  As the Bible reminds us, He is a jealous God.  So, Jehovah won’t allow a spouse, a child, a parent or even someone good or something good to occupy that position other than Himself.

          For me, there are so many others who qualify for the Obedience Hall of Fame.  But if I could only choose one more, I might look to Isaiah or Jeremiah.  Both of these prophets accepted a difficult call from the Lord and knew they wouldn’t be very fruitful.  How hard that must’ve been!  But my selection would have to be Hosea.  In my opinion, he received the most difficult assignment of all the prophets when God told him to marry Hagar, the prostitute.  Oh, I get that his marriage was supposed to demonstrate to His people how unfaithful they were to God Almighty.  In this powerful saga, I hurt for Hosea and God.  Not only does God ask Hosea to marry her, but to keep loving her in spite of her continued unfaithfulness.  What a picture of God’s unconditional love, acceptance and the purest form of devotion that our Heavenly Father has for each one of us wayward children! How we grieve and hurt His heart with our lack of love and lack of commitment.

          Now, the point of my article is not to see who wins the award or who should get the prize for obedience.  By the way, I think Jesus would win that award hands down.  No one has ever submitted or surrendered His rights in such a stark way; Jesus didn’t deserve the calling God put on His life.  After all, He was holy and pure.  But He chose to obey and answer God’s call.  Jesus allowed Himself to be arrested, beaten, whipped, tortured, mocked, humiliated and nailed to a cross because of His love for you and me, but also His perfect devotion and obedience to the Father.  It’s so simple but yet so profound that it’s hard to wrap our brains around it.  I think if we truly comprehended his sacrifice as human beings, more people would fall on their knees and accept his incredible gift of salvation.

Now to the main point of this article is for YOU to consider what all this means for each of you and me.

          If I were to ask, “Do you love God?  Do you love and know Jesus?”  You’d probably respond favorably and say, “Of course!”  I’m assuming that if you’re reading my blog, you are a believer in God and Jesus follower. But, let’s go a step farther.  If you truly love God/Jesus, how are you demonstrating that love?

          Now, let’s back up.  I’m not saying you need to prove your love – or that your relationship with your Heavenly Father is contingent on you.  God sent Jesus as a gift.  Salvation through Jesus Christ is a gift, not based on our merit or good works according to Ephesians 2:8-9.  None of us are deserving.  Our best works sure don’t qualify us for heaven; the Bible reminds us that our good deeds are as “filthy rags” or literally women’s menstrual cloths in light of God’s purity and Holiness.  It’s only through God’s mercy and grace that He gave up His perfect son, Jesus, on our behalf.  Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross was out of His unconditional love for us, and His obedience to the Father.  None of it was based on our merit.

          But AFTER you believe on Jesus as God’s Son and ask Him to come into your heart and life and to forgive you of your sins, He does require things of you.  Namely…obedience.

The following verses come to mind:

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”  John 14:15

“Whoever hears my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves Me.”  John 14:21

“If anyone loves me, he will obey My teaching.”  John 14:23

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.”  John 10:27

Based on these verses, how will YOU demonstrate your love for your shepherd?

What is God calling YOU to do?

Your call might to be to serve in your church – teaching a class, singing in the choir or using your gifts in some other capacity.  Maybe you feel it’s out of your comfort zone or you’re not quite ready.

Perhaps, God is asking you to share about Him with a family member, neighbor, co-worker.  The mere thought of it petrifies you!

Maybe He’s asking you to care for a parent, in-law or another family member, and you’re struggling with selfishness and priorities.

Or is God asking you to volunteer in a ministry outside the church?

Or is He calling you to forgive someone so you can move on with your life and not be loaded down with anger, bitterness or other negative emotions?  You’re running from Him; you’re struggling with emotions as you feel justified.

Or does He want you to reach out and invest or minister to that one person?  You know the one.

I’m thinking of each of you out in “blog land” and praying for you.  I KNOW God has called you for a specific purpose or task.

Maybe He’s asking you to visit someone homebound or in a nursing home.

Maybe He just wants you to start tithing.  Or He’s put it on your heart to give way above the tithe; you have the money, but you’re holding on to it with stingy hands.

Maybe God wants you to just pray for several others in the privacy of your home or lead a prayer group.

Perhaps He’s convicting you to stop that sinful habit.  You’ve felt distant from God because of this sin, but you haven’t repented and asked for forgiveness.

Maybe He’s asked you to give up something…a job, a relationship, etc.

Could God even be calling you to surrender someone in your family as He did Abraham with His promised and precious son, Isaac?  Oh, I don’t mean literally taking one of them out to kill/sacrifice.  (Maybe you’ve been tempted – ha!). But figuratively, you’re holding on too tightly…putting him or her above God.  It could be parents, a spouse or children.  God won’t tolerate idols, even if they’re honorable ones such as loving family members. 

There’s no doubt in my mind that YOU know what He’s put on your heart.

Where do you go from here?

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know that I ran from God for years regarding “writing for Him”.  If I’m totally honest, I’m still not comfortable with it.  I don’t feel adequate.  Most of the time, I don’t feel like I have anything to contribute or my writing is boring or commonplace. When I feel that way, I have to pray and ask the Lord to remind me that it’s not about ME.  It’s about being obedient.  Trusting Him.  Minding Jesus as my Master.  It’s not about my performance or MY idea of success.

This quote from David Wilkerson pierced my heart in this matter.  “When God calls you to something, He is not always calling you to succeed; He’s calling you to obey!  The success of the calling is up to Him; the obedience is up to you.”  God had to get me to the point where I realized it’s about doing what the Captain of My Life requires of me, even if I don’t understand it or agree with Him. 

When I finally relented and obeyed the Lord in this area, it was like a 500-pound weight was lifted off my shoulders!  And the peace of God was evident, as well as intimacy with the Father. 

This quote from Alistair Begg also resonated with me.  “The grace of God does not relieve me of my responsibility to be obedient; the grace of God makes possible my obedience.”

When you stop and think about it, it’s quite an amazing thing that God accomplishes His work and uses US as mere humans in the process.  He doesn’t call us because we’re perfect, so skilled or even sinless.  His desire is to stretch us, grow us and transform us by using us.  Just to be on mission with Him is such an honor and privilege.

God calls us to be His vessel.  When we surrender and are obedient to whatever He’s called us to do, He helps our faith to be strengthened and our dependence on Him to grow.  Serving Him, especially when it’s out of our comfort zone, helps us realize our need for Him afresh and anew.  It’s an opportunity to join Him and have His Holy Spirit coursing through our arteries and veins like we never knew was possible!

I am recalling certain times in my life when I KNOW I answered His call and was obedient.  Oh, the joy that obedience brings.  It’s a feeling of fulfillment and purpose like no other.  It’s a place of peace and contentment where your heart is full to overflowing. 

And when you run from that calling, the opposite is true.  It eats at you; you’re somewhat miserable.  And if you’re not, then question your relationship with the One True God.  Seriously.

Oh, friend.  I pray you will have courage to step out in faith and follow through on what God has called you to do.  I almost typed that I pray He will equip you.  But isn’t that a given?  If God’s called you to it, He WILL walk you through it.  In another words, He will go before you and equip you.

So, if He is going to give you what you need to fulfill His call, what’s holding you back?  What’s keeping you from surrendering your rights and relinquishing your will to the plan of the Father?

Fear – fear of failure, fear of the “what ifs”, fear of rejection, fear of being made fun of, fear of change, fear in general

Laziness – Taking the first step will require too much effort.

Selfishness – You would have to give up YOUR time, energy or resources to obey.  YOU have your own agenda.

Timing/Priorities – Even though you KNOW God is calling you to something specific, you’ve told Him the timing isn’t right.  You have other responsibilities more pressing.

The enemy – Satan has a hold on you in this area.  Ask God for strength for the enemy’s grip to be loosened.  Spend time in the Word and crying out to God.  Quit making excuses!  Take the first step!  Sometimes, it’s the hardest. 

Dear ones, remind yourself that you’re missing out on a blessing from the Sovereign God of the Universe when you’re not obedient.  I think God gives us a window of opportunity in which to answer His call.  Sometimes the door closes before we say, “yes”.  If we hesitate too long, the opportunity might be lost for good. 

If you’re walking with God and listening to the Holy Spirit, you can’t keep ignoring His promptings.  If you do, it will cost you.

What do I mean by that?

1. You will be miserable and not have peace. And I do believe it’s Biblical that your relationship with God will be lacking.  Intimacy with God won’t be possible because of your disobedience.  It doesn’t mean He quits loving you, but it does affect your relationship.
2. Or there will be consequences for your disobedience.

Remember Jonah who tried to run from God when he was called to Nineveh?  Jonah wanted no part of it.  He hated the people of Nineveh.  They were known to be a cruel and heartless people that did unspeakable acts to torture their enemies.  Some scholars speculate that Jonah may have even had relatives or friends who were their victims. All of this background is speculation. What we do know for certain is that he tried to run from God, as well as God’s purpose and calling.  He got thrown overboard into the vast ocean and was swallowed by a huge fish.  Just being in the belly of that whale, smelling the ghastly smells, being tossed, “churned” in the dark and scary digestive tract of a huge mammal and not knowing what came next would be frightening and gross to say the least. We know from scripture that this experience was the “wake up” call Jonah needed.  Personally, I think Jonah got off pretty easily; God was merciful.

At this point, I’m sure you, like Jonah and me, have wrestled with what the task is, and you’ve weighed the high cost of obedience.

But have you stopped to consider the high cost of disobedience?  Jonah was given a second chance.  What if God doesn’t give you one?

You will be missing out on His blessings…and who knows what else?  Will your children, grands and future generations suffer because of your lack of faith/disobedience?  Believe me.  I’ve contemplated these questions many times.  I don’t want to respond out of fear.  But a healthy fear and respect of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10). Fear shouldn’t be our primary motivation, but certainly it’s part of the equation.

I’m not trying to put you on a guilt trip or twist your arm into submission.  After all, the Holy Spirit is the ONLY ONE who can convict.  I’m just trying to raise your awareness.  And to make you think and ponder consequences.

Furthermore, I’m praying that YOU listen to His still, small voice and will be intentional to take the first step of obedience.  I pray you will desire to obey God and desire to please Him in every way. 

“There will be no peace in any soul until it is willing to OBEY the voice of God”.  Dwight L. Moody

I could share many more examples, provide Bible verses, stories from the Word to illustrate my point and write several more paragraphs, but I will close with this prayer by Alistair Begg that spoke to me on this crucial subject of obedience.  I pray it speaks to you:

“Prayer:  Walking in Obedience

Lord, you made it clear that if we walked in obedience, we will live a full life with YOU.  Being obedient will cause an overflow of abundant blessings within our lives.

Help us to not be as King Saul, for he lost everything through disobedience.  Remind us, Oh Heavenly Father, that disobedience is a form of rebellion towards You and as You have clearly stated, if we reject You and Your Word, You will reject us from Your heavenly kingdom.”

          My family grew up vacationing for a week each summer on the Atlantic side of Florida, namely, Daytona Beach.  When the hippies took over Daytona in the early 1960s, Mom and Dad began staying in Ormond Beach, just a few miles north of famous Daytona. When Norman and I got married, we went there as well…and once Nathan came along, the five of us spent many special weeks there in the summer.  Norman, Nathan and I still go there at least once a year for a getaway.  Oh, the wonderful memories that place conjures up for me.

          I think we’re in the minority as most of my friends love the Gulf side of Florida with the white sand and the blue/green waters and the more serene (or non-existent) waves.

          But for my parents, myself, and now my own family, the large waves of the Atlantic are what we love and are accustomed to.  It’s where memories have been made for generations.

          For those of you who have been to the Atlantic side, maybe you can relate to this story.

          Have you ever been standing in the ocean, looking up at the birds, talking or distracted by something else, when suddenly, a huge wave comes from out of nowhere and slams you to the ocean floor?   Before it knocks your feet out from under you, you may even twist, turn and try to recover?  But there’s no use.  The waves’ surging power is just too much for you.  And for what seems to be an eternity, you can’t seem to muster enough strength to fight it off, much less stand up. The wave “caught you off guard” so much that you’re still tossing and turning underneath the wave’s powerful tow. Maybe salt water is burning your eyes and surging up your nose.  This scenario has happened to me too many times to recount…as a kid, teenager and adult (My dad and hubby would add here that this happened to me frequently because I was usually talking – ha!  But I digress!).

          Several years ago, I had something “blindside” me just like that huge, unexpected wave in the ocean.  It seemed to come from out of nowhere, and it knocked me for a loop.  It was so powerful and fierce that I couldn’t seem to fight it off – or get my bearings to even stand.

          What am I talking about?

Please keep reading.   

          I went from being fine one day to being hit by this monstrous wave the next!!!

          I still remember the feeling of being “out of control”.  It’s as if something came out of nowhere and plunged me into the “deep waters”. 

          I didn’t feel like myself; I went through the motions of life; I cooked; I cleaned; I did what I needed to, mainly for my child and husband.  But there was a disconnect between my brain, my heart and my body.

          I remember wanting to sleep A LOT.  I didn’t want to face the realities of life.

          Norman and I were going through a challenging period in our marriage.  Nothing major as I recall.  It was just the normal ups and downs of marriage – and we were going through the valley.  We were somewhat disconnected.  Our struggles only seemed to make the “depression” worse.

          I didn’t know what it was at first.  I didn’t want to give it a name.  I just felt “weird” and “not myself”.

          All I know is an enemy had invaded my home, my body, my space…and I was blindsided.

          I prayed; I read my Bible; I cried out to God.  I knew He loved me, but for the first time in my life, I didn’t FEEL loved. God seemed distant.

          I knew it wasn’t God that had pulled away.  Obviously, I knew it was me.  But the sudden change was disconcerting to say the least.  Just like being in the ocean and having water rush up your nose or feeling powerless to overcome the thrust of the waves, I felt the same within.  Something had come from out of nowhere and changed my world.  And it wasn’t for the better.  I felt “out of control” and powerless. 

          I talked to Norman, but he couldn’t understand.  He tried to empathize, but he had no experience to draw from.  I knew God had brought Norman and me together; there was no doubt in that.  But even so, Norman was so logical and concrete.  His logical, male psyche couldn’t identify or relate to my “storm of emotions”.  I’m not being critical of him.  Just stating facts. 

          I went to see my pastor.  He was a kind, compassionate and empathetic man. Once I shared what I was experiencing, I distinctly remember him sharing that Charles Spurgeon, an incredible theologian and preacher, struggled with depression.  My pastor was even vulnerable and confided in me that he had also struggled with depression for more than a season.  I knew he cared; I could tell he wanted to help.  I was honest and told him how I felt when I read my Bible and tried to pray.  He listened; he shared and was vulnerable; and he prayed for me.  But I left his office feeling even more hopeless.  My pastor tried, but nothing he told me really seemed to help or make me feel better.  I sure didn’t blame him.  I just needed answers and help.

          During this time, I had opened up and shared with my parents what I was going through.  I asked them to pray for me.  I didn’t want it to continue, but try as I may, this “wave” kept twisting and turning me.  I seemed to have no control over it.  That feeling of being out of control and not myself scared me.

          One day, my mother was out shopping.  As she was standing in line to purchase an item, she ran into an old friend.  They hugged, exchanged pleasantries, and then began asking questions to catch up on each other’s families.  Apparently, Mom broke down with her and teared up, relaying a little of the saga of what I was currently going through.  The friend listened and cared, but she had to rush off.  But as only God could orchestrate, the person behind Mom had listened to the entire exchange.

          She confessed to Mom that she had eavesdropped.  And she shared that someone in her family had been through a similar experience.  This complete stranger recommended a certain doctor that her family member saw.  Mom wrote the name down and passed on to me.  Can you believe this doctor was in the same town that Norman, Nathan and I lived in?  Needless to say, God had certainly ordained this entire encounter!!  It wasn’t a chance meeting or coincidence.

          I made an appointment with this doctor.  He had just recently been added to our insurance in the last month (definitely a God thing and not just a coincidence!!).  In addition, I found out that he was a strong Christian man.  The mother of a dear friend of mine had worked for him for years!!  I was beyond thankful for how God had moved and worked.  It was apparent that God had directed me to this man.  I was so thankful!!

          He was so kind, thorough and gentle in his approach.  Most of all, he was a good listener.  As I sat in his office, I found myself in a new and awkward position.  Something was wrong with me – and it couldn’t be treated in one visit.  In fact, I wasn’t even sure that it could be treated at all at that point.

          It wasn’t a cough, cold or something easy to diagnose or “fix”.  And it wasn’t easy opening up, admitting my weakness, problem and difficulty.  But I was desperate…and God had made it clear that this man was THE one I needed to see.

          The doctor did a wonderful job of reassuring me.  He asked me very personal questions, and then nicely but tactfully told me I was experiencing depression.  His diagnosis wasn’t a surprise, but it still sounded so “formal” and “real” when he said it. Just like some of you reading this article have heard the “c” word (cancer)in a doctor’s office, I heard “depression”.  It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but it was a confirmation of what I knew in my heart.   His recommendation was to do some tests, but he also wanted to start me on an anti-depressant.

          Now, you have to understand my background before we go any further.  I don’t do well with over-the-counter medications.  When I was in college and had a stuffy nose and felt generally yucky, the doctor on call at our college infirmary gave me some Sudafed to take.  It kept me awake –even as a young 20-year old!  When Norman and I had only been married a couple of years, I had flu like symptoms, and he picked up some Nyquil for me to take in hopes of stopping whatever was going on.  I was up for three days straight and my pupils were dilated that entire time!  As Norman jokingly said, “You would not make a good drunk!”  All this to say, I’m that 1 in 100 people that has a contraindication to over-the-counter and prescription medicine.

          I told the doctor all of this and he was receptive.  However, he still felt like I needed Zoloft (a common anti-depressant) to help with my depression.  So, I trusted him and left with the prescription in hand.

          Even though I was worried about the side effects and my reaction to the medicine, I felt hopeful that the doctor seemed convinced this drug would be the solution.  He touted its benefits.  Norman and I sure prayed it would help and be the remedy I so desperately needed.

          During this time, Nathan was in 2^nd grade.  If there was ever a grade in school (besides his middle school years) that was difficult and challenging, it was 2^nd grade.  I’ll try to summarize as I could write a book on this year!!  Nathan had been struggling to pay attention.  He was a good student and had no trouble with academics, but he couldn’t focus well.  Instead of the teacher helping him and cooperating with what we asked, she seemed to purposely go out of her way to sabotage him.  For instance, we asked her to put him at the front of the room (free from as many distractions as possible).  Where did she seat him?  Near the back where when he looked up his main view was a large picture window overlooking the playground (and there were no blinds or shades)!  I was livid!  And that was just the tip of the iceberg.  I was actually tutoring a student in Nathan’s class.  I went 2-3 times a week to help a little girl in his class with reading.  I saw firsthand what the teacher was like.  And to top it off, another teacher in that grade level pulled me aside and told me some very negative and critical things about this teacher. Norman and I had already had a conference with her.  I urged Norman to go back and talk with her.  But he suggested that I should since I saw her frequently and was a former teacher.  The situation with Nathan and how she worked against him/us got worse.  As I said to Norman, “I can’t talk to her again.  I’ll either burst into tears and be so upset, or I’ll bless her out and lose my Christianity!!”  All that to say, it was a stressful and difficult time.  I felt for my child daily…numerous times throughout the day!  My mama’s heart was torn apart and breaking as I was hurting for our son.  He was on my mind and heart constantly throughout the day.

          MY choice was to pull him out in October and home school him for the remainder of the year. Norman agreed. In my mind, there was no other option.  But God saw it differently.  When Norman and I prayed about this issue, the Lord made it super clear not to move him.  I heard, “Don’t move him. Stay on your knees for your boy!”  It was not the answer I wanted to hear.  I argued with God.  But in the end, Norman and I were obedient.  And I did stay on my knees for my boy like never before!!  And God grew my prayer life (reluctantly at first, I might add).

          To be honest, I can’t even really recall how long the depression lasted.  But I do vividly remember struggling to get basic household chores done.  All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep.  I wanted to escape through sleep.

          I still got Nathan up and took him to school, made his lunches, took him to places…and held the fort down (driving Nathan to soccer practice, piano lessons, activities at church and helping him with homework) while Norman was working shifts.  We ate together as a family; we went to church together as a family.  But I was just going through the motions.  There was no joy; no motivation.  I knew in my head and heart that God loved me and had sent Jesus to take my place for my sins on the cross, but I didn’t FEEL His presence or love.  I felt empty, alone and numb.  And no one seemed to understand or be there.

          Why am I being vulnerable and telling you all the nitty gritty details?  Because right now I know SO many are struggling with depression, anxiety or similar feelings.  Even if my friends aren’t battling an issue themselves, then they have a spouse, a friend or a family member who is.

          Back to my saga…

          Well, I tried the Zoloft for about 3-4 weeks, maybe a month.  But it didn’t help!  It made me even more lethargic and sleepy!!  And I didn’t need help in the sleep department!  I needed energy!!  I desperately wanted to cherish every moment with my boys and extended family and have joy and zest for life.  But the realization came that this medicine was not the solution.

          I went back to the kind and caring doctor.  I told him the side effects I was having from the Zoloft, and he agreed it wasn’t working.  In addition, my initial test results had come back.  One of my female hormones had spiked and was way out of balance.  In his expert opinion, this imbalance in my hormones had caused the depression.  It was the primary culprit.

          I was relieved that something was out of whack with my hormones.  I wasn’t going crazy; it wasn’t all in my head; and because of this test result, we could proceed.  I was hopeful.

          However, there was still no EASY solution. I wanted a “quick fix”, but I knew that wasn’t realistic.   During this time, I was at my heaviest weight.  I won’t share that number as I would be so embarrassed.  But when I look back to pictures, I’m horrified that I let myself go!! 

          The doctor did mention my weight and gently encouraged me to get on a healthy diet and exercise.  Furthermore, he suggested that I seek out a godly counselor and see if it helped to talked with someone.  My emotions (over Nathan, Norman and me and just life in general) definitely factored into the equation; it wasn’t just an issue with my hormones.

          I followed his advice.  Thankfully, my parents’ church had started a counseling center about a year prior to this.  I saw a very wise Biblical counselor there who helped me, especially initially.

          He quickly realized that I was a “giver” and “pleaser”.  There’s nothing wrong with either of these, but this wise counselor helped me to see that I put myself last when it came to meeting needs.  After all, isn’t that what a “good Christian” wife and mother is supposed to do?  That question alone opens up a Pandora’s Box and is a topic to be addressed another time.  Suffice it to say, he recommended several books and talked to me about finding “balance” vs. putting myself last and/or not “filling up my own tank” before I attempted to minister to my family.  One of the books he suggested that I’ve recommended to many is Search for Significance.  It’s a great read, even if you’re not struggling with any emotional issues.  It’s basically about finding your identity in Jesus vs. anything else (and especially if you tend to be a “pleaser”).  It was eye-opening and helped me evaluate my priorities and not constantly sacrifice self for the good of my family. 

          If you’re reading this article, and you are struggling with depression, anxiety or similar feelings, you might be saying, “What did you do next?  What did you take?  How did you get help?”

          I can’t say I recall every detail, but I do remember some significant series of events that led to a turning point.

          I remember struggling to read my Bible.  I would read but feel numb or empty.  I just kept persevering.

          I prayed; I cried out to God all by myself in my home…and told him every bit of how I was feeling…what I was worried about…and all my emotions.  I asked HIM to direct my steps and lead me to the answer. I knew HE would provide the breakthrough.

          Searching the internet back then was a fairly new practice.  But I got on the internet and began reading like crazy.  Also, I changed my diet and added more veggies, fruits and began to exercise.  I also found Bee Alive products.  They were expensive, but at this point, Norman supported me taking anything to be back to my “normal” self.  I ordered Bee Alive Royal Jelly supplements at first.  They did give me energy, and my own exercise/eating plan helped as well.  Not only that, but a co-worker of Norman’s had ordered these same supplements for his wife (for a different reason).  She was allergic and couldn’t take them.  They sold ALL of them to us for a discounted price.  What a God thing!!!  I continually saw His hand at every turn, even if I still didn’t FEEL His presence like normal.

          I kept crying out to God and staying in the Word.  I won’t lie.  There were moments and days it wasn’t easy.  But I persisted…and kept telling the Lord, I needed HIM and needed HIM to take control of me, my hormones, my body and the entire situation.

          Who or what do I credit with pulling me out of that depression?

          GOD!!  God, and God alone showed me the way.  HE responded when I cried out and turned to HIM.

          Now, please don’t misunderstand me.  I KNOW of numerous people who have been helped by seeing a medical doctor; tons who currently take anti-depressants and are significantly helped by them.  Some I know can’t function without them!!  I’ve known of several friends who the meds have totally turned their anxiety, depression, etc. around.   Still others I know have benefited from seeking the advice and wisdom of a counselor.  I’m not knocking any of those remedies.

          But for me…I know that God drew me out of that pit of depression.  If there was ever a verse I identified with King David, it would be Psalm 40: 1-4.  “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.  Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.”  And verse 13 of that same chapter.  “Be pleased, O Lord, to save me; O Lord, come quickly to help me.”

Even though this troublesome time was decades ago, when I read these verses, it still transports me back to that excruciating time – but more importantly, it reminds me of God’s faithfulness!!

I wouldn’t wish any of this on my worst enemy!!!  But I know God had a purpose in it.  This side of heaven, I don’t know ALL the purposes.  But two things I know came out of that awful experience.

1. I became more dependent on God.  When you’re gasping for air, you need a lifeguard to lift you up out of the water to catch your breath.  When you’re in a dark cave, you need someone to shine the light in the darkness.  The only ONE who was able to be my rescuer was God alone.  Did the doctor help?  Was the counselor good?  Did the Bee Alive product work for a short time? Did the change in diet help?  Yes, to all of those!!  Family and close, special friends were praying for me.  But ultimately, I realized God answered and provided.  “He was my refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble”.  I was in the Word consistently, and it did help!!
2. Since that time, over 30 years ago, I’ve been able to listen, empathize and at least be a sounding board for others going through a similar valley.  Oh, I don’t mean I had all the answers; I just mean God put someone in my path that needed another human being to identify with his/her plight…someone who had walked that difficult road.  Whether it was anxiety, depression or something similar, God has allowed me to be a “sounding board” or a listening ear and minister to someone hurting and experiencing similar emotions to what I experienced years ago.  I’ve been able to share my story with several so they didn’t feel like the Lone Ranger…or just listen and let them know that I knew how to pray for them because I had walked this difficult path.  Even last week, a dear lady confided in me at my church about experiencing depression because of a situation in her family.  I don’t even know this sweet individual very well, but it was no coincidence that she opened up to me about it.  I didn’t go into the details of my story; she didn’t care or need to hear it.  She just needed to know that I understood and had been on this same dreaded path…and that there was light at the end.  And that Jesus had not abandoned her.  And I knew how to pray for her! 

          God reminded me of this verse that Paul shared in II Corinthians 1:3-4.  “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

          Years ago, my preacher growing up, Dr. Charles Carter, used to say that he had been to seminary; he knew the Word; he preached and studied the Word; he had been a preacher/pastor for decades, but even with all of that experience and training under his belt, he couldn’t really minister or empathize with a church member or friend whose parent had died.  His parents didn’t die until he was much older in life.  He was wise enough to realize that we can only imagine what that’s like.  Until you have experienced and walked a heart-wrenching road yourself, you can sympathize, but you can’t really have true empathy until you’ve walked that difficult road yourself. 

          I think that’s what Paul means in these verses in II Corinthians. 

          So why am I writing this article?

          To encourage those of you who may have experienced anxiety or depression – or even anything along these lines.  Maybe it’s a health issue with no easy answers.

Maybe you’re not even struggling with depression or anxiety.  Maybe you’ve just been diagnosed with cancer, heart disease or another serious illness – or you have a family member or friend dealing with health issues.  I think some of these same principles apply. 

1. I think in our society, we turn to doctors too quickly to solve every little ailment.  Please don’t misunderstand me.  I have all the respect in the world for their education, passion and training. I’m thankful for them. But as a believer, turn FIRST to the Great Physician.  He created your body and knows it best.  Cry out to HIM for healing FIRST – and then for wisdom.  That’s just flat Biblical.  Too many times we pick up the phone or search for a doctor BEFORE ever mentioning it to the God who “formed you in your mother’s womb and calls you by name”. 
2. Ask HIM for wisdom and guidance.  Ask HIM for the next step.
3. Examine your lifestyle…diet, exercise, sleep, etc.  For me, this time in our family was one of THE most difficult.  In hindsight, I was internalizing every single issue and trying to carry the load myself.  Oh, I was praying.  But I was talking to God, while I was trying to manage and “call the shots” vs. trusting Him to be my Guide and shoulder ALL of my worries and anxiety.
4.  I will never know every reason why this imbalance occurred, but I do believe God allowed it to help me get healthy, to help me rely on Him first and foremost, for me to surrender my marriage/husband/child and everything else to Him – and to realize that He is in control and I’m not.  And that as His child, He wants me to live dependent on Him vs calling Him my Savior and Lord while still trying to be in the driver’s seat. 

Do your own research, but bottom line.  Talk to the ONE who knows your body best.  Ask HIS advice as you search the scriptures.  “Be still and know that He is God”.  He will direct your and guide you or your loved one if you’re truly asking and seeking…and waiting (the hardest part).

To be totally “real and upfront”, I wasn’t totally comfortable with sharing all of this very personal story in this format.  But I’m confident God had me be this real and vulnerable with you for a reason.  I trust He is using it to minister to even just one person.

I pray by sharing “my story” that even one thing I suggested or mentioned has helped you – and drawn you closer to the One True God.

Just like the TV networks interrupt their regularly scheduled shows to make an emergency announcement or preempt to tell you about a breaking news story, I interrupt my normally scheduled article (You didn’t know it was coming, but I’ve been working on one that I planned to publish today) to bring you something entirely different.  Unexpected.  Unplanned.

          Why?  Because there is no doubt in my mind that there’s at least one person out there who needs to read this and can identify with my experience.  Or so the Lord prompted me accordingly so here goes. Trusting Him that there’s a purpose in sharing my story.

          Are you going through anything INSURMOUTNABLE in your life?  Is there a situation with your health, finances, a spouse, child, grandchild, loved one or friend that seems like a gigantic mountain in your life?  It’s too big to handle…it’s too difficult and complicated to even relay to others…even when you try and talk about the details to a trusted friend or confidant, you break down as it’s extremely painful…it’s so huge that you can’t see a way over it, around it and or even through it?  You can’t solve it on your own.

          I am!  Currently, I’m facing an insurmountable problem in my life.  Wish I could share all the nitty gritty details.  Just suffice it to say, I wouldn’t wish this situation on my worst enemy.  It’s a scenario that I could’ve never imagined in a million years.  One of the people involved is acting so out of character.  And even though I can honestly say, I have sought God at every turn of how to handle and proceed, nothing has seemed to move the mountain or the heart-wrenching scenario.

          God has reassured me and encouraged me along the way that He’s using this situation to grow the loved one…to draw this child of His to Himself and reshape him so I need to be “patient and endure the pain”.

          I’m beyond grateful for how He has tenderly reminded me of this and given me instructions and His words of wisdom along the way.  I’m not alone on this journey.  He’s right there with me, sometimes as a “silent partner”, but other times I can feel His comfort, strength and indescribeable peace.  And I especially am grateful when He gives me revelations or words of encouragement/wisdom that could only come from His throne!  At times, they come from the Word when I least expect it; other times, they come directly from the Holy Spirit.  I try to write them down immediately so I remember every word.

          I’m beyond grateful when God speaks and gives me HIS WORDS and wisdom to cling to. 

          But the pain is still there.

          Some days I endure the pain better than others.

          In the last month or so, there have been glimmers of hope.  In fact, just a few weeks ago, God answered prayers in a mighty way and provided a huge nugget of hope.  Light appeared in the darkness; it was as if God had cracked open a door that only HE could.  Praise and thanksgiving followed for this HUGE answer!

          But this week, the door was shut.  And shut hard.  Guess I had my hopes up and expectations were high that the situation was coming to an end – or taking the correct turn.  Not only was I down, I plummeted to the depths.  I didn’t “endure the pain” well.  In fact, I didn’t even remember those words from the Lord.  I didn’t want to move forward.  I didn’t want to get up and even attempt the basics of life. It’s like my legs and entire body had collapsed from underneath me. The hopelessness of the situation weighed me down like never before.   My heart was torn apart into pieces.  And I wanted to wallow. Wallow in the pain is what I did.  And I didn’t want to read my Bible or pray.  I knew it would probably help, but at that moment I just wouldn’t or couldn’t.

          Not only that, I was angry with God.  Yes, you read that sentence correctly.  If there’s anything I won’t do on this blog site, it’s not be honest.  I’m embarrassed to say, there was a period where I was peeved with Him.  Oh, I knew in my mind and heart that He had a plan. But at that moment, and for those few hours, I had to tell Him WHY I was angry. I had to vent all my frustrations!   I realized that I’m not a Joseph, Moses, Abraham, Paul, Hannah or Peter (I knew this before, but realized it afresh and anew).  I spilled all my emotions and explained my case.  It’s not the first time in my life that I’ve blamed Him.  You? 

          About now, you may be questioning my faith or why I have a blog in the first place.  But hear me out.  Do you have family that you love?  Have you ever been so upset with your spouse and had a major fight?  Your child?  Sibling?  Good friend?  With each of these, if we’re close and honest, then there are times when our feelings are hurt or things have been misunderstood that we have to deal with that dirty laundry and express our emotions.  Otherwise, we will be tempted to hang on to the offense.  That’s just part of life and being human. We get upset; we get hurt and angry with people we’re close to.  I agree there’s a way to handle it.  Scripture reminds us of this truth numerous times.  In fact, the one that comes to mind is one I read today, Proverbs 29:11 “Fools give full vent to their anger but the wise bring calm in the end.”  I don’t want to be a fool.  Thankfully, I was able to listen to the Holy Spirit and not give full vent to it.

          My point is this.  If we’re walking with God and having an intimate relationship with Him, doesn’t it stand to reason we might get upset?  I think so. If “His ways are higher than ours” and “His thoughts greater than ours”, then it stands to reason, we’re not always going to see things from His perspective.  Thankfully, I can count on less than 5 fingers the number of times in my life I’ve questioned Him and lashed out.  But, all I know, is He has always accepted my anger…and He did this time as well.  He was patient and gave me time to work through my emotions.  He’s a BIG God that knows us better than ourselves.  He can handle my anger and tumultuous emotions.  He has BIG shoulders that can carry the burdens of many – and even my anger when it’s directed at HIM!

          Not only that, even when I was still distraught and down, He drew me back gently and kindly.  Even in the depths of my despair, when circumstances didn’t go the way I wanted, I heard, “Trust me, Laura”.  Not only was He tender and gracious, but He called me by name.  It was personal…something just between the two of us.  It wasn’t a generic plea.  He agonized with me and had empathy for my pain.

          And I realized at that very moment when I heard His voice, He didn’t have to respond.  He didn’t have to treat me kindly or even meet me where I was.  What a merciful God!  During this encounter, He was my Father God, but He was also that “friend that sticks closer than a brother”. 

          Through the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit, He further said, “Remember who I am and all the times I’ve worked”.  Oh, friends.  That was all it took.

          I confessed my wrong feelings of anger.  I remembered so many attributes that don’t just describe Him, but they ARE Him – love, grace, mercy, omniscience, sovereign, faithful, merciful, good, just, holy, righteous, compassionate, worthy, teacher, unlimited power, Alpha and Omega and on and on.  But then, I recalled His faithfulness in my life, my spouse’s life, my parent’s life, my married life, my son’s life, our family’s life and on and on. God helped me to remember His faithfulness even in the last few weeks as I recalled so many specific answers to prayer. And tons of times in which HE spoke and gave me encouragement…and helped me know what and how to pray.

          He forgave me of my anger.  I was thankful (and ashamed).

          And He, through His Word and other resources, reminded me to look to HIM.  To allow HIM to be the lifter of my head (Psalm 3) and not just look at the circumstances.

          When I look at the circumstances, they still seem HUGE.  In fact, the longer the situation goes, the more hopeless it appears.  But then I remember God is in the business of the impossible (Ephesians 3:20). I KNOW He is moving, working and doing 1,000 things that I’m not privy to.  That’s when I have to trust.

          I think of Sarah and Abraham who waited for years before God gave them a son (and how they both messed things up by not waiting but taking matters into their own hands).  I think of Joseph who waited in a prison cell.  I think of David, who had been told he would be King of Israel, but had to hide out in a cave as Saul was trying to kill him.  All of these had to question God – or question His timing.

          I KNOW He is growing me through the waiting.  He is growing my faith, my perseverance and my dependence on Him.  I don’t always like it; I don’t always want to grow.  But I do TRUST HIM!

          I don’t know how this heartbreaking situation will turn out.  All I know is God has told me to “keep persevering in prayer”.  Further, He reminds me often, “I’m hearing, moving and working”.  And He is with me — to comfort me, strengthen me, give me His amazing peace in the midst of this difficult storm and even come close to me when I lash out in unjustified anger.  What more could I ask for?

          If you’ve never gotten angry with God, then you won’t be able to relate to this article at all.  You might even think I’m bordering on being disrespectful or blasphemous.

          But, if you’re human and walking with the Lord, be honest with Him and yourself.  He is big enough to handle ALL of your emotions…and will love you in spite of them.  And just like when you argue or get upset with your spouse, a family member or friend, once you work through the junk, you become closer because of it. It’s the same with God, if not more so.  I have a new appreciation for Him and His ways.  He didn’t shun me, scold me for my anger or turn His back to me.  No, just the opposite!! He met me in my anger.  As His Word states in Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”, He did just that.  He approached me with a gentle word.  It didn’t take much.  How could I stay angry with the God of the Universe who gave up His Only Son to suffer and die an unjust death in my place?  He gave up His best for you and me when He willingly offered Jesus and put Him on the cross!

          Not only did He provide Jesus and forgive me of my unjustified anger, just a mere 48 hours after my lashing out to the God who is so loving, kind and forgiving, He put people in my path that are dealing with REAL difficulties.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  My issue is INSURMOUNTABLE. But God has helped me put it in perspective on several occasions.  Today was one of those days.  I got a phone call letting me know of someone whom I love dearly is in the hospital from dehydration, not eating and severe depression. Oh, how my heart broke.  Then, I called a shut-in from church to check on her, only to find out from her dear hubby that she has Alzheimer’s!!  I won’t even share the other scenarios with you. 

          You get the point, right?  I certainly did.  My heart ached for all of these.  And it did help my perspective and attitude.  I had to confess to God all over again and ask Him to forgive me. 

          Our great God didn’t point a finger of blame at me, but He waited until I was ready – and then He taught me more lessons about viewing the situation from a new perspective.  How grateful I am that He is always patient and is the consummate Teacher.  I pray I will be a teachable student, willing to be humbled and ready to learn and grow.

          Now, let’s talk about YOU.

          Are you wallowing in the emotions of your situation?  Are you possibly angry?  Grieving?  Despondent??

          I don’t know what you’re going through.  Perhaps your feelings are totally justified.

          Just don’t wallow in them. Vent, talk, cry, but eventually “Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you” (I Peter 5:7).  He’s just waiting for you to realize your need for Him.  Don’t try to deal with the problem or your emotions on your own.  It won’t work!

          How I pray being vulnerable and showing you the “real me” has helped someone out there in blog land.  If nothing else, may it help you realize you’re not the Lone Ranger.

          Most of all, I pray this article helps your eyesight.

          What?  Did I type that incorrectly?  NO!

Instead of you zooming in on your insurmountable mountain of a problem, adjust your lens.  Point your camera lens upward to a Perfect, Holy Creator God. The one who made the fish of the sea and the birds of the air.  If he feeds and provides for the smallest titmouse (that’s a tiny bird native to GA), He will certainly care for you.   Remember the God who created and rules over the Universe has the power, might and character to handle any and all situations. 

 He wants to come alongside you, as He did me, and replace your anger with calm/serenity, replace your fear with His peace, replace your stress/worry with contentment and replace the world’s way of looking at a problem with Knowing Him who is Able!!!

The older I get, the more I ponder this question:  What legacy will I leave?

What will our son know and remember about me?  I don’t have grands yet, but if our son eventually gets married, and the Lord blesses him with children, what will those kiddos remember about me? 

What will family say about me?

What will close friends, co-workers, acquaintances remember?

Will I leave behind things that last and make a difference in someone’s life?

Recently, I was talking with a friend about cleaning out items in my house and especially our basement.  Her dad and my mom went to their heavenly home within a few months of each other.  All that to say, both of us had to make decisions on what stuff from our parents’ homes to keep, what to give away and what to donate or throw away.  I’m not sure if those of you reading this have ever been through that, but it’s a heart-wrenching task as almost every item you pick up reminds you of your loved one!!  Plus, the practical side of it is just daunting.

I treasure so many items that belonged to my parents.  Some, such as their wedding rings or the rings they purchased for one another on their 50^th wedding anniversary, are precious heirlooms that I hope to pass down.  Still, there are other items that hold value just for me.  I have a sugar and creamer that belonged to Mom that reminds me of her every time I use it.  I have recipe cards, handwritten by my talented and creative mother.  I have notes both of them wrote to me – sometimes in a card and sometimes just a little note they jotted.  There are pictures, photo albums, coins and many other keepsakes.  Some would be valuable monetarily; some are only valuable to me because of who they remind me of.

But knowing I’m getting older and not knowing when God may call me home, makes me stop and evaluate, what will I leave to the next generation?  Will it just be furniture, keepsakes that mean something to me but not necessarily my son?

A few years ago, I had moved in with my parents to help care for my dad.  Mom was on a walker and didn’t have good balance or stability.  Dad’s care was just beyond her; I knew that.  Norman, my husband, was extremely understanding.  He was basically a bachelor for about 6 weeks. 

While I was away, he had lots of time on his hands.  He opted to start writing down events from his life.  Now some of these were “most embarrassing” or “hilarious” events from his life.  But there were also numerous serious ones.  He included his testimony of how he first came to know the Lord and asked Jesus into his heart and life.  There were tons of stories of how God had answered prayers and opened doors for him to get a job.

One of my favorites occurred when he was only 13 years old.  Norman had a chronic pain in his side; it had gone on for several months and didn’t happen constantly, but it occurred on a regular basis.  One day it became so intense, the nurse called from his junior high for his mother to come and pick him up.  Long story short, he was put into the hospital.  They did x-rays and scans of his stomach area, and in the process “just happened” to get a picture of his lungs.  In the right lobe, he had a growth/tumor.  Doctors questioned Norman and his parents if he had been playing with birds, nests or the like.  He had not.  Anyway, he was diagnosed with histoplasmosis (a disease normally contracting by being around birds).  The lower part of Norman’s right lung had to be removed!!!  If this growth in his lung had not been found, the histoplasmosis would’ve killed him!!!  What a God thing!!!  Obviously, the good Lord had plans for my hubby.  Isn’t that an amazing and true story?

Needless to say, he included stories from his life just like that one…maybe not as dramatic, but still.  They were all testimonies of how God had moved and worked in his life.

Now that school is almost out, I plan on doing the same.  I have plenty of stories to share.  Like Norman, I will start with how God first drew me to Himself and let me know I needed Jesus at age 10.  In fact, our pastor has been emphasizing to us lately about writing out our testimony and making sure we share the details of our salvation experience with our families.  I know how my parents came to know Jesus, but the details are sketchy.  How can we be remiss in sharing this life-changing event?

I plan on writing stories of God’s faithfulness and putting them in a binder with sheet protectors so that they will be preserved (maybe not in a formal way) for future generations to read.

I guess I just want my son, future daughter-in-law, grandchildren and great grandchildren to know more than just a name and face…and that I was so-and-so’s mom.

Norman has done much research on family tree information.  His dad started this way back when there was no internet, google or search engines.  He gathered info the old-fashioned way, mainly from family members.  Sadly, it wasn’t until a few years before he passed away, that both of us took more of an interest.  All that to say, we know names of ancestors and our great-great grandfather or when babies died, etc.  But I want to be more than a name left on a family tree historical document.

I guess I want my memory and life to shine for Jesus even when I’m gone.

This verse in Proverbs 10:7 comes to mind, “The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.”    Even though they are dead and spirits are in heaven with God and Jesus, things about their character and life remain.  Oh, not because they were good and did wonderful deeds – but because they were covered by the righteousness of Jesus Christ!

My dad was THE most forgiving person I ever knew.  He just never held a grudge.  Did he go through life and just have people not offend him or what? You might be wondering.  No, he was just like you and me; things happened at work and other places that could’ve made him angry, bitter or resentful.  There was a man who worked at Delta and also lived in our neighborhood.  He and dad were friends; they talked and did a few things together.  He and mom socialized with this couple.  But this man, I’ll call him “B”, teased my dad relentlessly.  That was his nature, but it got out of control, so much so that one time my mom even said something to B.  But not my dad!  Another incident I vividly recall was my dad’s sister, who was single and had divorced way before I was born, did something that was a major slap in the face to my dad in particular.  I won’t go into the details.  But I was an adult and witnessed all this personally.  I remember being at my parents’ house, about to leave.  I was by myself and had already told my mother bye.  Dad and I were standing in the garage near my car.  I couldn’t hold it in any longer.  I talked to him about this situation with my Aunt Virginia.  I let him know how angry her actions made me.  You see, my dad (and mom) helped her at every turn…with major decisions, with home and car repairs, with maintenance, with finances.  I always said it was a blessing that Mom also had a sister that required the same kind of help.  In fact, she required more because she had children.  But, I digress.  Anyway, back to the story at hand. 

I brought it up to Dad that day and told him I thought he should confront his sister about what she had done.  My dad didn’t get angry; he didn’t react; he did seem slightly bothered.  He looked right at me and said, “How many times?”  I said, “What, Dad?”  “How many times does the Lord act us to turn the other cheek and forgive?”  I said, “Dad, I know, but in this case, she is just wrong and needs to hear from you.  It wasn’t fair or respectful to you.”  I kissed him bye as I had to get home.  I told him I loved him and he did me, as was the practice in my family whenever we said our farewells.

As I drove, I realized the wisdom in Dad’s response.  The decision Aunt Virginia made had already come to pass; nothing could be done at this point.  Dad knew if he confronted her, no good would come from it. He knew, and I did as well, that she would probably do something similar in the future.   It took me a while praying and talking to the Lord about it.  But I finally realized he was doing the right thing by forgiving and moving on.

Even now I’m dealing with a major issue with a family member.  Most of the time, my heart is grieved over choices this person is making.  But sometimes the hurt and anger well up in me – because of how their actions are impacting me/us.  When I go down that road, I have to pray and ask God to help me forgive…to give my anger and emotions to Him.  I recall certain Bible verses, such as “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ Jesus also forgave you.”  Ephesians 4:32.

But I also remember my precious dad and how it took this principle very seriously.  He never said it to me, but his choices and life spoke volumes.  In my mind, he wore a sign around his neck that said, “I’ve tried it my way in this area, and it’s not worth it.  Turn the other cheek and forgive.  It’s the only way to live.”

That’s just one of numerous character qualities that are his legacy. 

The way he set the example in that one area of life models Biblical principles that live on.  Even though he is dead, what mattered most in his life is NOT gone.  He is still instructing me, even from heaven.  Why?  Because his soul knew Jesus. 

The same with my mother.  Just like with dad, there are so many stories to recall and too many traits that linger and remind me daily of her impact.

But I will focus on one.  Mom was so selfless and giving, always thinking of others.  Even as a child, I remember watching her and being in awe.  She was always one of the first in our neighborhood to reach out to a neighbor who had had a death in the family; she didn’t just extend condolences, but Mom would be there with tons of food cooked.  Back then, no one just “picked up” food.  Everything was homemade and well-thought-through.  Mom just always GAVE of herself.  Not only did she care for my Gan (her mother) that lived with us, she gave up 3 years of her life, nursing her and seeing after every need.  My father came alongside her.  I’m embarrassed to even type this, much less relay the story.  When I was in college, and Gan had been diagnosed with colon cancer, sometimes Mom would be at the hospital all week.  She would leave Dad food cooked for meals, come home on the weekends to see us, do my laundry, cook wonderful meals and even send food back with me.  Then, she would head back to the hospital.  Looking back, I know she was exhausted, weary and worn down from that routine.  I never heard her complain.  My dad either!  I loved Gan dearly.  But I vividly remembered being called to the hospital when she had taken a turn for the worse.  It was during finals of my junior year.  I took an incomplete in every subject!  But I remember being so torn as I cried out to God.  I prayed for him to touch my grandmother and keep her from dying, but in the next breath I prayed for him to take her so she wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.  And I prayed he would take her so Mom could get back to living – and she and Dad could have a life together!!!  Oh, the emotions were all over the place like ping pong balls ricocheting around the hospital corridors.  That’s been 40 years, but I still remember it like yesterday.

But it’s one thing to care for your own mother, but Mom cared for a great aunt, as well as a friend’s mother years later.  She was a caregiver extraordinaire.  Thinking of others before herself was just in her nature.  It oozed out of her pores.  She didn’t have to work at it; it seemed as natural as breathing.

So often, I recall the last few weeks of her life.  It was during Covid so things in the world were turmoil.  But she had asked me to get her several apples at the grocery store.  She knew my husband Norman loved her apple salad, and she wanted to make it for him…especially for him.  Since losing Dad, Mom had relied heavily on Norman’s advice and looked to him for many decisions.  The apple salad was just one of many ways she expressed her love and appreciation to Norman.  But, she never got to make it.  The excruciating pain in her arm became too intense.  We later found out it was multiple myeloma (bone cancer).  The fact that she even thought of making that apple salad still amazes me!  Like always, her thought wasn’t of her pain, but of what she could do for her son-in-law.

When I first moved in with Mom, we thought the pain in her arm was tendonitis.  As every treatment and medicine didn’t work or alleviate the pain, we both realized it was something else.  During that time, she was in excruciating pain.  She had a high tolerance for pain and didn’t complain so I knew something major was going on.  But, even with that kind of chronic pain that never let up, she still thought of Nathan, her only grandson.  He was having a job interview that week.  She prayed for him and asked all about it.  In addition, she called a friend who had had a stroke and another friend who was having some health problems.  It’s just who she was!!  Even in pain, her thoughts were of others.  Oh, what a legacy she leaves!

Just like Dad, there are many other qualities that remain and linger.  Her heart was so united with Jesus that she couldn’t help but make an impact on all who knew her.

This one might be silly or trivial.  But when I’m in a dressing room trying on clothes to decide if I want to buy and something falls off the hanger or I’m tempted to leave something in the dressing room, I hear her voice.  “Laura, I’ve taught you better than that.  Don’t leave that for someone else to do!”  I continue to be thankful for that voice!  It’s guided me and kept me out of trouble so many times.

Now, parents aren’t the only ones who live an incredible legacy.

I’ve reminded of Dr. Charles Stanley who credits his grandfather for being such an influential person in his life.  He was a Pentecostal preacher who taught his only grandson much about God, the Bible and faith.  In his book, Courageous Faith, Dr. Stanley relays the true tale of how his grandfather taught him to “Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him” (One of Dr. Stanley’s now famous 30 Life Principles).  But the example his grandfather gave is one that has always stuck with me.  He said, “Charles, if God tells you to go running headfirst at that brick wall, you do it!!!  Believe God will make a hole!”  His legacy of faith made a lasting impression on young Charles and totally affected his preaching and ministry.

How about you?  Have you paused to think about your legacy?

I think the best way to leave a lasting legacy that impacts those around you is to be obedient to the Lord…to use your gifts and do what HE’s called you to do.

This verse reminds us that just like a flower that blooms, we embody an aroma or fragrance.  We leave it behind wherever we go, whether it’s to our workplace, the grocery store, church or wherever. 

What kind of fragrance or aroma are you leaving for others? 

Are you quick to get offended?  Fly off the handle about small, insignificant things?  Hold a grudge and not forgive?  Is that what you’ll be remembered for?

Does your fragrance or aroma point others to Jesus?

Today, I was reminded of this very truth.  I went out to water begonias in my planters on the front porch.  As I stepped closer to water them, I breathed in the pungent, undeniable fragrance of gardenias.  Next to our front walkway, we have shrubs of miniature gardenia bushes…and many were in bloom today.  Immediately, that refreshing fragrance took me back to my childhood.  Growing up, we had a huge gardenia bush on the side of our house that my parents planted shortly after they moved in.  It always had oodles of blooms; Mom would cut clippings and bring them in, especially in the spring and summer months. On spring evenings and hot summer days, that unmistakable lovely aroma of gardenias filled our home.  Still to this day, I think of my mother in the kitchen, my dad working outside and just the carefree life of being a secure and happy child…all from the fragrance of one flower. That fragrance from a lovely white flower transports me to a carefree, wonderful time when life was simple – full of laughter, playing outside catching lightning bugs, playing ball games with neighborhood friends and only being afraid of granddaddy long legged spiders!!

If one flower can evoke such strong memories, what can one life do?

I’m reminded of this verse Paul writes in II Corinthians 15, “For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.”

Has your fragrance been lingering?  Pleasing to God and others?  Does it point others to Jesus?

Some of my legacy has already been written as I’ve lived out most of my years on this earth.  Even as I type that sentence, it’s a hard reality to take it.  Still, it’s up to me how I will finish – and what my ultimate legacy will be.    Even as I ponder this question tonight, I recall a statement that was popular when I was in high school (back in the 80s – yes, I know that was a LONG time ago).  I haven’t heard it in years, but it seems quite appropriate related to this subject.

“Only one life will soon be passed.  Only what’s done for Christ will last.”

Well, I know you probably weren’t jumping up and down and drawn to today’s article.  I mean who likes the topic of suffering?

When I just hear the word, I think of little children and adults hungry and starving because of not having enough to eat in our own country, as well as numerous others. I think of those who are oppressed in countries under a heartless ruler or dictator. In the last few months, I’ve thought of those in Turkey impacted when that massive earthquake hit.  As of late, my mind goes to individuals and families who suffered the loss of a loved one or their home and all their possessions in a destructive tornado. Even today, I heard details on the news of the horrific shooting at the private Christian school in Nashville, TN.  My heart breaks for the families of the janitor, the administrator, the substitute teacher and especially the parents of each of those 9-year olds.  I heard on the radio that one of the children was the only daughter of the pastor of that church. She left behind a mom, dad and 3 brothers.  My heart aches for each of these, especially the parents.  It’s one of the worst kinds of suffering – the death of a child.  Lately, I think of so many we know that are currently battling chronic disease, cancer and other illnesses.  I think of those in the hospital for months.  I think of those suffering undo financial hardship due to Covid or other circumstances. And the list goes on.

Friend, are you suffering?  Maybe you’re going through one of these trials I mentioned.  Or perhaps it’s an inner struggle only you know about, such as anxiety, depression, debilitating fear or something else.  Are you even one of those that feels constantly defeated or lacks confidence?  All these are forms of suffering. 

I’m thinking of specific family and friends who are truly suffering right now.  Some are going through the worst type experiences I can imagine.  But just because we don’t have a loved one dealing with the side effects of cancer or we haven’t filed for bankruptcy doesn’t mean we are not suffering.  It comes in all forms from the minor to the major.  We shouldn’t make light of it, just because it’s not horrific.  Suffering, on any level whether intense and chronic or mild and short-term, can still hurt and cause us deep emotional and sometimes physical pain. Any type of heartache that steals our joy and just takes the starch out of our step can be considered suffering.

None of us are immune to its painful blows.

When I was younger and still immature in my faith, I definitely remember wanting to obey God, follow His will and love Him wholeheartedly.  Most of the time, I believe my motives were pure.  But also, there was an underlying thought and belief that if I followed God and did what He asked, I would avoid consequences and pain.  Now, I wasn’t a child during this time.  I was a young adult, still growing and maturing in my faith.  I don’t remember when I learned or realized that suffering is part of the human experience.  And even more than that, Christians are definitely not immune. 

In fact, sometimes Christians can encounter more than the average Joe because God uses pain and suffering to grow us.  As the Ultimate Potter, God may choose to allow suffering to mold and shape us into the image of His Son, Jesus. Truly, He alone knows how to sanctify us and make us more like Jesus once we are His child.  During pain and heartache, we are more prone and likely to cry out for God and learn to be dependent on Him. 

Think about it.  When do you cling to God more?  During the easy, wonderful times of life or when you’re struggling?

Why do I think this? 

At my age, it’s easy to look back over my own life and see clearly how true this principle is and how God has used those times of pain and hurt to draw me to Himself and increase our intimacy.  When suffering occurs, I think it causes us to realize what’s really important in life.  It helps us prioritize what truly satisfies and matters.  Crying out to God becomes our first battle cry vs. our last resort. We realize more fully that He is in control, and we are not.  At least in my own life, those periods of suffering yielded a greater dependency on Him, and I pray the end result was stronger spiritual roots.

More than just my experience, we can look at numerous examples in the Bible to prove this point. Let’s consider this list of real people from the Bible (in somewhat random order).

Sarai/Sarah – You may be saying why don’t you list Abraham?  Maybe it’s because I identify with Sarah more.  God spoke to Abraham and told him he was chosen to be the father of a great nation.  And that his descendants would outnumber the stars.  He shared this word with Sarah.  But then, for many years, an heir didn’t come.  Sarah never conceived.  Was God asleep?  Did He forget?  For a woman, especially back in those days, and I think even today, one of the worst kinds of suffering is to long for a child and not be able to get pregnant.  Think how she must have felt with Abraham.  Granted, she should’ve taken God at His Word and waited. Once they took matters into their own hands (as many of us try to do), then she was left to deal with Hagar and Ishmael.  The suffering had to increase!!  And in this case, she and Abraham brought it upon themselves!  Still, I hurt for her.

Noah – God gave him an incredible assignment because of his righteousness and upright life.  He certainly didn’t try to “fit in”, but because of his godly life, he “stood out”.  It took him 100 years to build the ark.  What a monstrous and difficult task!!  During that time, he wasn’t “chewing the fat” with neighbors and people in the community who loved him. He wasn’t enjoying fellowship with the people of his tabernacle or his small group.  I’m sure he endured much ridicule, mocking and overt abuse.  You know he was shunned, laughed at and the butt of jokes. I wonder if even his daughter-in-law’s families didn’t want their girls marrying into the family with the “crazy man building the boat”.  It makes me wonder. Still, he held true to what God called him to do despite his personal suffering.

Moses – The monumental task God gave him didn’t happen overnight.  He spent 40 years living in the desert of Midian as God got him ready for his job of going to Pharaoh and leading the Israelite people.  Let’s not forget the guilt he must have endured knowing he had killed a man. Although justified, this sin had to hang over his head.   Scripture doesn’t pull back the curtain and peek into his private life to reveal what he went through.  But it stands to reason that this man of God was convicted and had to deal with his sin of murder.  Don’t you ever beat yourself up for a major sin you’ve committed?   I’m sure he confessed it to God.  Obviously, God forgave him and chose to use him.  I’m just saying, there was much dysfunction in this spiritual giant.  I mean he grew up with an adoptive family that was different in every way from his biological family. God prepared him for this monumental leadership role while he was growing up, but I think God must have patiently waited for Moses’ complete brokenness and surrender.  God chiseled away at his heart and will during those 40 years in the desert.  Suffering had to take place in his life to get him to the point of dependency. Brokenness helped God mold him into a worthy leader.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t long to spend time in the desert. If I’m honest, I want to be used by our Lord, but I also want to bypass the suffering and hard lessons learned in the desert.

Joseph – To be beaten and sold into slavery (and almost killed) by your own siblings seems to be one of the worst examples of suffering.  Oh, I agree that he brought some of this on by his own arrogance and bragging.  But he truly suffered physically and emotionally.  The fact that he was Jacob’s favorite son didn’t do him much good when he was abandoned and left in the desert.  I could recount how he was faithful and stood strong against Pharaoh’s wife’s seductive advances, and then still was unjustly put into prison or how he was forgotten by the baker.  But even after all he had been through (I’m not even relaying the account of his brothers showing up needing food, etc.), he still praises God for His faithfulness.  “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.  He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.”  Genesis 50:20 NLT.    What powerful words!!!  Even though we aren’t privy to his conversations with God in the pit in the desert of Egypt or the prison cell, we KNOW that he grew by leaps and bounds speaking to His Maker and crying out.  God taught him much during all of that suffering.  And He learned well.  And recognized how God can use the most painful circumstances and turn them into something useful, productive and even good.

Others come to mind in the Old Testament – David, Job, Ruth and even many prophets.

Currently, I am in a Bible study (Bible Study Fellowship to be specific).  We are reading and studying the book of Jeremiah.  To be totally honest, I’ve read verses in Jeremiah, but I can’t say I really knew his story as a prophet or ever read through this book.  Right now, we’re in the beginning of learning about his call as a prophet and what he went through.  But initially, I’m learning that God chose Jeremiah to be a prophet before He ever placed him in his mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5). What a Sovereign God we serve!!  To have your purpose planned out by your Maker before you ever enter the world must have been quite an honor and comfort! But this chosen man of God endured extreme loneliness as God told him not to marry; the people treated him as a social outcast because of his message of gloom/doom and judgement, and no one in Judah listened to his words from the Lord or obeyed. 

In addition, he was beaten; he was put in stocks; God’s people tried to kill him in the temple, and he was put in a cistern of mud where he almost died.  God rescued him.  Now, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  If these scenarios happened to you, wouldn’t you give up?  Wouldn’t you be complaining to God to rescue you or tell Him you were done?  But instead, Jeremiah’s faith grew.  None of these terrible experiences and extreme suffering deterred him.  Rather, he was steadfast and persevered in his calling.  He kept trying to warn God’s people of the judgement coming with Babylon taking them captive.  He kept relaying God’s message – if they would only repent, God would be gracious and merciful.  Not only was he persistent in delivering God’s message, but he had compassion on the people.  He cried and hurt for them. So much so that he was termed “the weeping prophet”.   After all, he was one of them.  His land would be destroyed; he would not be immune to loss, destruction or judgement. But Jeremiah didn’t mourn for himself; he grieved and had major heartache for his fellow countrymen in Judah.  He truly had a partnership with Almighty God and drew strength from Jehovah that allowed him to be a persevering prophet, despite great personal suffering. I was amazed by his faith and determination.  His faith has truly been inspirational!

We can look at Israel and Judah’s history in the Old Testament to underscore this truth that God sometimes uses suffering to get our attention and draw us to Him.  God sent numerous prophets (Isaiah, Amos, Hosea, Micah to name a few) to both of these countries. Each of them with basically the same message.  For Israel and/or Judah to realize HE and HE alone was their One True God. And for them to give up worshiping their idols, repent and turn to Him.  Not only did they fall prey to idolatry, but even their worship of God was “going through the motions”.  They offered tons of sacrifices, but their hearts were cold, calloused and indifferent to Jehovah God.  They had long since forgotten the God who rescued them from bondage in Egypt.

Aren’t we the same?  God rescues us from a situation we’ve prayed about.  Sometimes we even forget to pause and thank Him.  We go on our merry way.  We have plenty of time for taking vacations, watching TV, playing games on our devices, past times such as gardening, hunting or fishing, but do we set aside consistent daily time with the Lord and make HIM a priority?  Asking for a friend.

 And of course, how would our topic of suffering be complete without thinking of Jesus Himself?  Jesus is the epitome of unjust suffering.  God Himself who lowered himself to earth in flesh and bones.  He should’ve been treated like royalty!  He should’ve been worshiped, adored and served.  But instead, he was mocked, threatened, ridiculed, spat at, attacked, accused of wrong doing, arrested, flogged, whipped, beaten, arrested, accused of blaspheming His Father, his brow pierced with thorns, his wrists and feet gouged with long nails.  It’s almost too much to take in.  But yet, we know, His suffering was ordained and part of God’s plan from the beginning of time.  His suffering served an ultimate purpose that Only God Himself could carry out.  The redeeming of mankind brought unspeakable suffering on the Lord Jesus.  But He endured.  He knew the final outcome.  He became the willing lamb of God, who didn’t open His mouth or try to defend Himself.  I Peter 2:23 says it best, When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

How about you?  Are you entrusting yourself to Your Father during the suffering He has allowed?

Suffering is common to each of us while we are on this earth.

Some are dealing with physical pain from chronic diseases or many I know are watching loved ones slowly ebb away or having to witness the effects from cancer or other horrific illnesses as they attack the body.

Others are suffering because of choices a loved one made, whether it be a man or woman who’s walked away from the Lord, his/her family and all the pain and heartache that brings.

Your suffering may not be as intense, but it’s still suffering.  It’s still a major pain or blow to your heart and emotional well-being.

But, what’s my point?  I guess if we know and realize that suffering is something we all go through, then let me ask a question.

Are you wasting your suffering?

What I mean by that is are you continually asking God WHY this is happening?  Are you so fixated on questioning Him and His faithfulness – or doubting His character that you haven’t asked the most important questions?

Are you constantly asking God to remove whatever the heartache is (nothing wrong with that as He tells us to ask – to seek – to knock)?  Furthermore, are you spending so much time asking Him “Why?” that you haven’t paused to inquire, “What do you want me to learn?”  or “Show me what you’re trying to teach me through this.”

As you pray and ask Him to relieve the suffering, do you hold on to resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness and the like?  Do you even get ticked or angry with God because He doesn’t answer like you saw fit or in your time table?

You’re not the Lone Ranger.  I’ve been there, friend. 

All I know is God allows suffering for reasons that we don’t always see or know at the time.  He doesn’t always reveal the WHY behind the suffering.  That’s where faith comes in.

I can honestly say that some of the suffering I’ve been through in the last 4 years of my life has drawn me closer to Our Heavenly Father than I’ve ever been in my life.  There’s an intimacy/closeness/oneness that I’ve experienced because HE became the ANCHOR I clung to during some of the most heart-wrenching times.  He was that Strong Tower that was a constant.  It never shook or collapsed.  It stood strong when I was weak

My husband was there, steady and a great support. I knew he was helping in practical ways and praying for me. I had special friends who were prayer warriors and lifted me during these times of hurt, exhaustion and suffering.  Wonderful folks at my church ministered to me and were lifting me in prayer as well. 

But bottom line.  At the end of the day, God Himself was the ONE I longed for.  He was my only true refuge and strength that knew what I needed and was there in the middle of the night when no one else understood.

Sometimes it’s still a mystery WHY God allows us to go through suffering. 

Whatever the case, here are a few reminders that I believe are Biblical regarding suffering.  Let me know if you disagree or if you have more.  I pray these encourage you.

• There is a purpose in the suffering – Only Jehovah God could bring good out of painful, intense hurt and suffering, but He can and does.

“What you intended for evil, God used for good…” Genesis 50:20

“Yet, O Lord, you are our Father, We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand”. Isaiah 64:8

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28

• It won’t last forever and our hope far outweighs any suffering

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”  Romans 8:18

• God uses our suffering to grow, refine and mold His children into the image of Jesus.

 “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope.”  Romans 5:3-4 and “But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.  To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.”  I Peter 2:19-20

• Sometimes He allows us to suffer so we can eventually minister to others who will be going through similar circumstances…and to always bring Him glory.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”  I Corinthians 1:3-4

• He is our true comforter and Father that longs for us to look to Him and draw close.  He will not abandon us during our suffering. 

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creations, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8: 35-28

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”  Isaiah 43:1-3

Sometimes it’s still a mystery WHY God allows us to go through suffering.  It’s not always a result of sin.  Bible verse.

Whatever the case, here are a few reminders that I believe are Biblical regarding suffering.  Let me know if you disagree or if you have more.  I pray these encourage you

• He is the only true comforter
• There is a purpose in the suffering – Only Jehovah God could bring good out of painful, intense hurt and suffering, but He can and does.

 It won’t last forever

• God uses our suffering to grow, refine and mold His children into the image of Jesus

What do they have in common?

You guessed it!  These 3 bring us comfort!

Oh, I could’ve made a much longer list. What are some things that bring you comfort?

Recently, I was asked, “Where do you look for comfort?”

Do you turn to your spouse, friends, material things, food?  The question really hit me between the eyes and made me think.

When life goes awry, where do you turn?

There’s nothing wrong with indulging over an ice cream sundae if you’ve had a bad day.  Or loving on your precious doggie when you feel everyone else in the world is against you. 

Some of us may escape to play our favorite games on the computer or watch hours of mindless TV shows where we can just “veg” and not think about our problems.  Or be glued to our phones for hours.

All of these are coping mechanisms.

Maybe I should rephrase the question.  Where do you run when life doesn’t go your way?  When life deals you a bad hand or you get devastating news? 

I can look back over my life and think of numerous times when I was so down or devastated about a situation.  Even if I was so upset or had spent time crying, I’d always try to be better before picking up the phone to call my mom.

But it would never fail. Mom would “see through” my fake attempts at normalcy, and my feeble attempts to cover up my true feelings.  She would hear the pain or hurt in my voice, even over the telephone.  She could always “read” me.  And then, she would want to know the issue so she could help and comfort.

When I think back to when I first became a parent and was so overwhelmed, wanting to do everything right and not mess up, I can vividly recall those first few weeks of my son’s new life as an infant.

If you’re a parent, then you’ve experienced firsthand when your baby is crying, and you are struggling to comfort.  You hurt when your little one hurts; you want to soothe and meet his/her need; you want the pain or distress to go away; and you do everything in your power to “fix it”.  You struggle to figure out the source of the distress.  Is it hunger?  Is it pain?  Is it being overly tired? 

For most of us dads and moms, it doesn’t take long to “learn our child’s language”.  We know that certain cry that equates to “feed me now” or “I need you to hold me” or “something has frightened me”. 

We might not be a quick study with another baby or toddler, but after just a few days/weeks any mom knows the certain type of cry for HER baby.

It didn’t take long to learn MY baby’s looks, cries, coos, sounds, sniffles, body language and on and on.

Even more than we humans know our own precious children’s distress calls, OUR HEAVENLY FATHER KNOWS HIS CHILDREN.  He knows what makes you tick better than anyone.  He knows, before you even tell Him, what is distressing you. Doesn’t it make sense to run to Him FIRST for comfort?

It’s exactly what He desires for us to do.

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.”  Isaiah 66:13

More than anyone on the face of the earth, I was blessed that my precious mom was a nurturer and knew how to provide comfort for me.

God, in all His splendor and divine holiness and perfect character, knows even more than the BEST mother how to provide comfort for His child’s hurting heart.

After all, He’s the ONLY One who can truly satisfy and provide meaningful comfort because He knows us best.

He is truly our “refuge and strength…a very present help in time of trouble” (Psalm 46:1-2).

I’m blessed to have a wonderful spouse who I can turn to who I know loves me and is committed to me.

I’m thankful to God for bringing friends into my life that care, listen to me and pray for me.

But at the end of the day, the TRUE source of comfort is God.  He alone can be trusted to come alongside and say, “Trust me” or wrap His mighty, loving arms around us and remind us that even if the circumstances are difficult or painful, He is there to carry us and see us through.  He continually provides strength, perseverance and comfort for the journey.

“Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains!  For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.”  Isaiah 49:

I still may be tempted at times to turn to the ice cream sundae, another yummy treat or maybe even go on a shopping spree.  Even when I do, I realize all of these are a temporary “fix”.  None of them bring me lasting peace or comfort.

Just knowing God is near and that I can trust Him to know what’s best for me, but also to know His character is such that He longs to strengthen and help me, gives me security, peace and comfort.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”  Isaiah 41:10

As I heard a preacher say once, when you know and walk with God, He is as close as your right hand.  There is no more comforting thought than that.

My Lord LONGS to show compassion and comfort me in my distress.

I love Isaiah 30:18 in the New Living Translation: “So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion.  For the Lord is a faithful God.  Blessed are those who wait for His help.” 

Just thought we might all need a reminder.  He WAITS for us to come to HIM for help and comfort.

The verses below remind us that even when God had to judge His people and send them packing to Babylon to learn hard lessons, His judgement only lasts for a short time.  He is a compassionate God that longs to comfort and be a refuge for each of us.

Isaiah 40:1 Comfort, comfort my people,
    says your God.
² Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
    and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
    that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the Lord’s hand
    double for all her sins.

Before I lay my head on the pillow tonight, I’ll be thanking and praising Him for being my ultimate, permanent and perfect source of comfort.

What has you burdened?  Oh, I don’t just mean you’re a little worried or stressed about something.  I mean someone or something that is weighing you down…that hangs over you like a cloud.  You can’t escape it no matter what else is going on.

When I was an older child and teenage girl, I was burdened for my dad.

Dad went to church with Mom and me when I was fairly young.  But then he suddenly quit going.  Mom said he got upset when a Sunday School class, one that he loved and was thriving and growing, was split up. 

All I know is Dad only came to church for special occasions, such as Christmas or Easter – or if I was in a program or musical. 

The thing was I saw fruit in Dad’s life.  At the time and at the age I was, I didn’t know to call it “fruit” then.  All I knew back then was that I felt confident Dad was a believer and loved God/Jesus because he taught me about things in the Bible at the dinner table for sure, but other times as well.  I knew he was knowledgeable about the scriptures from things he said and lessons he taught me.  And most importantly, I saw him live out things that he taught me.

Even when I was a young girl and started babysitting, he was the one who taught me to tithe.  When I got my first job out of high school, he explained I should tithe first, then save most of my salary and lastly, spend below what I had and what was necessary.  Mom backed him up, of course.  She taught me the specifics and did the follow-through.

During these years, I distinctly remember Dad did taxes on the side.  He was a lead mechanic for Delta Air Lines. That I know of, he never PAID anyone to do their taxes. He did our taxes, both of my aunts and some other family members.  You only had to be around Dad for a short time to know he was good with figures.  I assume word spread at Delta that he did taxes on the side.  I vividly remember a man coming to our house who was inquiring about Dad doing his taxes.  They were talking in our den, a room Dad had added on to our house all by himself.  He laid every brick. But I digress.

I was in the hallway, listening in on the conversation.  The man somewhat implied that Dad should fudge or “cheat” on his taxes so he got more back.  I didn’t know much about taxes then (and still don’t), but I knew what he was suggesting wasn’t right or ethical.  Dad was polite but matter of fact.  In no uncertain terms, he told the man, “If you want someone who’s going to cheat or be dishonest, I’m not your guy.”  They parted friends, and I still don’t remember if Dad did his taxes.  I didn’t care about that.  I just remember being proud of dad for having integrity, being honest and standing up for what was right.

But during this time, I was so burdened for Dad.  I didn’t understand why he wasn’t going to church with us.

My grandmother, Gan (Mom’s mother), lived with us from the time I was 5 years old until college.  A few times, when she was in good health, she went to St. Petersburg, FL and lived/worked there for months at a time.

But when her health failed, and she was with us, my mom cared for her.  Many times, my dad would stay with her so my exhausted mother could go to church or get out for much-needed breaks.

Once when Dad came to church with us, a revival was going on.  I was across the church from where my parents were sitting, but I saw and peeked during a prayer when the evangelist asked if you were unsure about your salvation.  Dad raised his hand. It opened up a conversation about it when we arrived home.  Dad was hard of hearing, and I wasn’t sure he had understood what the evangelist had asked.  I was correct.  He was confused about the question.  But if I had never peeked and asked him about it when we got home, I would’ve always wondered.  Because I did ask, he relayed the story of his salvation.

Dad was a very private man.  He didn’t talk much about himself or share many stories about growing up, his time in the army, etc.  To get him to share about his faith was a HUGE and personal thing.  But it meant the world to me.

Even after him sharing, I still sensed that something wasn’t “right” with Dad and the Lord. It was a gut feeling I had. As I reflect back, it was God that put this burden on my heart.  I prayed for Dad constantly – privately at home and also at church.  Many times, my youth minister, Larry, met me at the altar and prayed with me.  Larry’s heart for me and my dad was so evident.  His care and compassion meant more to me than I can convey in words.  It still does.  Looking back, I don’t know if anyone, outside of family, who has ever cared that much for me or anything that near and dear to my heart.  Larry is just a special man, and I thank God He put me under his leadership and allowed me to be influenced by such a vibrant and genuine man of God.  I still keep in touch with him and his precious wife, Anna.  Both were major influences in my life – and especially my Christian walk.

I wanted my dad to have joy in the Lord; I longed for he and mom to be One in church and in their faith. When other peers of mine sat with their friends during church, I sat with my mother.  Oh, not because she made me.  Because I felt for her.  I couldn’t stand the thought of her sitting on the pew alone…without my father.  So it didn’t matter to me that other teens made fun of me.  It was the whispers, jeers and ridiculing remarks by teens in my youth group that hurt me.  But Mom’s feelings were far more important to me than getting made fun of.

My junior year of college, I spent a summer in Yuma, AZ as a Baptist Student Union missionary.  Since Dad worked for Delta, he and Mom were able to fly out on a pass.  I was so thrilled to see them!!  They met the couple we lived with for those three months; they got to know my partner for the summer, “Say” (short for Sarah); and they got to see firsthand some of the work we were doing.  That Sunday morning, Dad and Mom came to the mission church where we had been ministering.  I lead the people in singing.  And “Say” and I were scheduled to sing a duet that Sunday during the morning worship service.  Now, if you know me, you know I love to sing, but God didn’t give me a solo voice.  But it was a mission church…so you do what is asked of you. 

Needless to say, we had practiced, but we were still nervous – even with a small crowd.  As Say and I stood to sing, a peace came over both of us.  We sang the hymn, “Without Him”. Here are the words if you’re not familiar: “Without Him I could do nothing.  Without Him I’d surely fail.  Without Him I would be drifting, like a ship without a sail.  Jesus, oh, Jesus, do you know Him today?  Do not turn Him away?  Oh, Jesus.  Oh, Jesus.  Without Him how lost I would be.”  During those powerful words and our pitiful attempt to sing and harmonize, God spoke to me as if He was standing right there next to me.  “Your dad is coming back to me.  He’s coming home.” I heard this message from the Lord as we were singing!  Was it tough to keep singing and not cry tears of joy?  You bet!!  But I could look at my dad and see the joy in his face and tears in his eyes.  Mom, of course, was crying.  That was a given.  But I’ll never forget the look on my dad’s face and especially what God said to me in a clear voice.

I hugged them bye and told them I would see them in a couple more months.  The very next Sunday, Dad went to church with Mom.  I don’t know if he ever explained to her or opened up.  But somehow she knew.  Mom and I had that secret language.  We could read one another across a crowded room. We could convey so much with our eyes and looks.  She knew I was emotional; she saw something in me that day.  And maybe, just maybe, God spoke to her as well. All I know, God had come through in a major way!  HE IS TRULY SO FAITHFUL!!!!

14 years.  That’s how long I prayed for Dad.  Mom did as well. 

When I think or hear of God’s faithfulness, I can’t help but think of how he answered the prayers of a young naïve girl who had faith in God.  Many, many times I felt so inadequate in my prayers. I didn’t know how to pray.  I didn’t know what else to say.  I didn’t know if I was praying “correctly”.  Looking back, I don’t think that mattered.  God knew my heart and that I longed for Dad to be close and have intimacy with Him again. 

Dad and I grew closer because of all of that history.  And one year for his birthday, when he was up in age, we were at a restaurant with several dear friends from church celebrating his birthday.  He leaned around the man sitting between us, and he reached for my hand.  He told me in only a way a dad can that he wouldn’t be where he was if it wasn’t for me and my prayers.  That one touch of his big hand and sentence from my dad meant more to me than a million dollars.  My heart was full to overflowing.

He had come home.  The fruit I saw in my dad’s life as a little girl grew.  My dad was a private man, but I knew he talked to the Lord and prayed.  I knew he served and was a servant.  I knew he loved the Lord, but something had caused him to drift.  Whatever that was, it no longer existed.  God had heard the prayers of a young girl.  God had pursued my precious dad and didn’t give up.  God came through for me!! 

Why do I relay that very personal story?

I can’t say I really wanted to.  Norman, my husband, always tells me that I share too many personal things with anyone who will listen (of course I’m exaggerating somewhat). He is very private.  But there are certain things that are private to me…and I don’t really want everyone knowing.

But in this case, God had me relay this deeply personal account.  Why?

Because someone out there who reads my blog needs encouragement.  You are burdened and praying about a situation that seems hopeless.

And it is hopeless without God.  Only HE can intervene.

I Peter 5:7 reminds us to “Cast our cares upon the Lord because He cares for you.”   I think that’s the ultimate point.  To give Him our burdens and watch Him work.  To be dependent on HIM vs. ourselves.  And to know He does care.

But right now, maybe you’re worn out.  You are so tired and weary of bringing the same person or circumstance before the Lord.  You might not know what else to pray.

You might have already given up and quit praying.  Or perhaps you just wonder if God is listening or acting.  Maybe you’ve blamed God for not moving and answering in YOUR time table.

I don’t know where you are.  But I do know there have been times in my own life when I’ve been tempted to give up.

In fact, friend, I’ll confide in you even further.  I’m praying about a situation right now that seems like it’s going to go on forever. 

I pray in the mornings when I have a quiet time with the Lord; my hubby and I pray every evening at a certain time; I pray throughout the day; I pray sometimes when I’m with friends, seemingly having a good time.  You see, a burden, is not just a little worry or concern.  It’s something that weighs you down…that can steal your joy, if you let it.

Today I was discouraged as I found out some news about someone I’ve been burdened for that let me know the circumstances haven’t changed.  Not immediately, but at some point, I asked God, “Do they matter?  Are you hearing my prayers?  Are they making a difference?”

In a soft and almost indistinguishable whisper I heard, “Trust me, Laura.  Keep praying.” 

And so, why do I write?  To remind You…to remind Me…that He does hear and listen.  Our prayers do make a difference.  But His time table is not the same as yours and mine.  He sees the front, back, side and every angle of the tapestry called LIFE.  He has a purpose and reason for His timing.  I don’t always understand it, but I don’t have to.

That’s where FAITH comes in.

Forsaking All I Trust Him.

I learned that acronym when I was single and in my 20s.  It stuck with me.

Forsaking my doubts, forsaking my fears, forsaking my worries and “what if’s”, I will not give in to Satan’s attempts to question His sovereignty.

I will keep clinging to the One who knows me best….and knows the situation and circumstances best.

This morning Norman (my hubby) and I drove separately to church.  As I started my car in our garage, the lights instantly came on and then the windshield wipers (it had been raining the day before).  I said out loud, “Lord, I want my prayers answered like the lights/wipers…instantly…immediately.  Forgive me, I know that’s not how you typically work.  Help me be patient and trust you.  Help me trust your timing.”

How about you?

What do you do with your burdens? 

Are you expecting God to answer immediately?  Are you impatient when He doesn’t?

Do you bottle them up and let them get twisted inside of you until they make a knot in your stomach?  Do you allow your burdens to overtake you and cause anxiety and depression?  I know many people like that, even believers in Jesus.  I’m not simplifying depression and anxiety; I am simply saying that some people become anxious and experience real depression because of their burdens.  I know…I’ve been there.  But I know the enemy just jumps up and down when this scenario happens.  I KNOW God wants to use the burdens in my life to draw me closer to Him. 

I certainly can reflect on the burden I carried for my precious daddy for so long.  One of the biggest byproducts that came from that was learning to depend on and look to the Lord.

Giving our burdens to the Lord is truly biblical.  But the Bible also offers other advice on the subject.

In Galatians 6:2 we are told to “Bear one another’s burdens and fulfill the law of Christ.”  Right now, I have 6 precious ladies that I’ve confided in regarding a very personal matter.  I don’t air these things near and dear to my heart to just anyone.  I pray and ask the Lord to show me who I can trust, and also who I can count on to understand and pray.  Not all of these friends are my age.  One, in particular, is older and offers me much wisdom, as well as her prayers.

I’m thankful for each one.  In every case, each lady brings something different to the table.  I’m grateful God put every sister in my life.  And I’m deeply thankful that each one helps carry my burden right now.  It’s lighter because of them.

Most importantly, my husband is one I can confess my worries and cares to.  He’s probably my most important burden bearer.

Perhaps you’re thinking, “Laura, I don’t have one person I feel I can trust or confide in…that truly cares.”  If that’s you, then pray.  Cry out to God and ask Him to put a confidant in your life that will help be a burden bearer for you.  Years ago, Larry was the only burden bearer in my life.  As close as I was to my mother, I couldn’t confess and confide everything to her.  I worried too much about how it would affect her.  I hope that makes sense.

I’m praying for you, friend.  Praying that God provides dear ones in your life to help carry burdens that weigh you down.  And that these confidants are also prayer warriors who will spend time on their knees petitioning the Heavenly Father on your behalf.

In addition, I pray you will be available and ready to be a confidant and burden bearer to others around you.  Lately, God has given me numerous opportunities to minister to others in this capacity.  I believe serving in this way is part of His plan as well.  You see hearing others needs and difficulties helps me know and realize that I’m not the Lone Ranger and life is not just about me.  I count it a privilege to bring each of their needs and burdens before the Lord. 

Most of all, I pray that you will release your burden to the One True God, and “know that He is able to do exceedingly more than you can ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20).

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic that’s really not discussed much. 

Thanks for reading and listening.

          Happy New Year, all of you in blog land!  I still can’t quite believe it’s already January 2023.  It seems weird to write 2023 and odd to type it.

          As we begin another year, I’m curious if you’ve started any goals or resolutions?  I’d love to get some feedback from you, and just know what your feelings are about this.  I know some friends don’t believe in having resolutions.  Others love them. 

          I do like the thought of having goals and think if I don’t know where I’m going, then I’ll just drift and wonder.  How about you?

          I have some of the normal goals…losing weight, eating more fruits/veggies, exercising.  Those are a “no brainer” as the 20 pounds I’ve put on since menopause coming on the scene have done a number on my physique, psyche and self-esteem. 

          I hope to sit down and make attainable goals in 3 different areas:  physical, relational and spiritual.  They are in my head and rolling around in my brain, but I’ve always read and heard that when you write them down, it helps qualify and “carve them in stone” so they become more achievable and measurable.

Some of my spiritual goals include the following:

Getting up earlier on days I work so I’m not “pushed” and “hurried” to have a meaningful devotion time with the Lord.

 Getting up earlier on days that I’m at home so that I get in Bible reading, prayer time and can start my day with the Lord and still have time to be productive.  ,ome days I write in a journal; others I don’t.  But I want to be more consistent with this.

In both cases, I want to have time to “be still” and hear from the Lord…not just be quick to close my Bible or devotional book and walk away.

How about you?

But I read a great devotional just a few days ago.  It was from Henry Blackaby, and it discussed that having the goal of spending more time with the Lord was a lofty and worthy goal.  But more than that, we shouldn’t “try harder” or think we have to measure up.  It reminded me to put things in perspective and even to rely on the Lord for my time with Him.

The older I get, the more I want to “rest in Him” and ask Him for help moment by moment.  I realize life is a series of constant decisions and choices.  I can either strive to do life on my own and trust my own intellect and emotions, or I can live surrendered…looking to Him at every turn, no matter how insignificant the choice or how huge the decision.

Recently, I was having lunch with a friend and during the conversation I asked a simple question about how she and her husband had moved to our area.  I know she’s a strong believer so I think I said something like, “Did his job bring you?  Did you both pray and know this is where God wanted you?”  I was struck by her honesty.  She said, “Laura, this move was way before we prayed about anything.  We went to church; we tried to be good and moral.  But we didn’t read our Bible or pray about anything.”

The older I get, the more I know this statement is true of so many.  Each of us can be at the church every time the door is open.  We can go through the motions…and our hearts be far from him.

I don’t want that.  I want to be real and genuine…before Him and others.

So, as we begin this new year, I guess I want to start out with the most important questions I can ask.

Have you asked Jesus, God’s Son, to come into your heart and life and save you from your sin?

Do you believe He died in your place on the cross?

If so, do you look to Him as the Lord of your life?  Do you read your Bible to grow and become more like Jesus?

Do you pray and ask Him for guidance, wisdom and an agenda/purpose for your life?

Coming to Christ as a sinner and asking Him to forgive you of your sins is the first step.  And it’s glorious!  But if you stop there, then you’ve missed out on the “abundant life”. 

Bowing your knees and surrendering your own will is the hardest but most rewarding part of being a disciple of Christ.

I’m still learning.

I’m still growing and becoming.

I’m still failing.

But the good news is, God still loves me even when I fail and mess up miserably.

I’m beyond thankful for His forgiveness, mercy and compassion.

Yesterday, I was so down and blue.  I prayed; I read my devotion.  But I never read the Word.  I knew I needed to.  It was just “one of those days”.

When I beat myself up and fall so short of what I want to be and do, I remind myself that Jesus loved me enough to stay on the cross.  He went through all that pain, agony and humiliation for each one of us.

He is patient; he is kind.

He knows my heart and knows when I need Him to help me be disciplined and obedient.  

If all of that truth about who God and Jesus is doesn’t encourage you and lift your spirits, I don’t know what will.

Here’s to a new start and new beginnings with the Lord!