INSURMOUNTABLE

Just like the TV networks interrupt their regularly scheduled shows to make an emergency announcement or preempt to tell you about a breaking news story, I interrupt my normally scheduled article (You didn’t know it was coming, but I’ve been working on one that I planned to publish today) to bring you something entirely different.  Unexpected.  Unplanned.

          Why?  Because there is no doubt in my mind that there’s at least one person out there who needs to read this and can identify with my experience.  Or so the Lord prompted me accordingly so here goes. Trusting Him that there’s a purpose in sharing my story.

          Are you going through anything INSURMOUTNABLE in your life?  Is there a situation with your health, finances, a spouse, child, grandchild, loved one or friend that seems like a gigantic mountain in your life?  It’s too big to handle…it’s too difficult and complicated to even relay to others…even when you try and talk about the details to a trusted friend or confidant, you break down as it’s extremely painful…it’s so huge that you can’t see a way over it, around it and or even through it?  You can’t solve it on your own.

          I am!  Currently, I’m facing an insurmountable problem in my life.  Wish I could share all the nitty gritty details.  Just suffice it to say, I wouldn’t wish this situation on my worst enemy.  It’s a scenario that I could’ve never imagined in a million years.  One of the people involved is acting so out of character.  And even though I can honestly say, I have sought God at every turn of how to handle and proceed, nothing has seemed to move the mountain or the heart-wrenching scenario.

          God has reassured me and encouraged me along the way that He’s using this situation to grow the loved one…to draw this child of His to Himself and reshape him so I need to be “patient and endure the pain”.

          I’m beyond grateful for how He has tenderly reminded me of this and given me instructions and His words of wisdom along the way.  I’m not alone on this journey.  He’s right there with me, sometimes as a “silent partner”, but other times I can feel His comfort, strength and indescribeable peace.  And I especially am grateful when He gives me revelations or words of encouragement/wisdom that could only come from His throne!  At times, they come from the Word when I least expect it; other times, they come directly from the Holy Spirit.  I try to write them down immediately so I remember every word.

          I’m beyond grateful when God speaks and gives me HIS WORDS and wisdom to cling to. 

          But the pain is still there.

          Some days I endure the pain better than others.

          In the last month or so, there have been glimmers of hope.  In fact, just a few weeks ago, God answered prayers in a mighty way and provided a huge nugget of hope.  Light appeared in the darkness; it was as if God had cracked open a door that only HE could.  Praise and thanksgiving followed for this HUGE answer!

          But this week, the door was shut.  And shut hard.  Guess I had my hopes up and expectations were high that the situation was coming to an end – or taking the correct turn.  Not only was I down, I plummeted to the depths.  I didn’t “endure the pain” well.  In fact, I didn’t even remember those words from the Lord.  I didn’t want to move forward.  I didn’t want to get up and even attempt the basics of life. It’s like my legs and entire body had collapsed from underneath me. The hopelessness of the situation weighed me down like never before.   My heart was torn apart into pieces.  And I wanted to wallow. Wallow in the pain is what I did.  And I didn’t want to read my Bible or pray.  I knew it would probably help, but at that moment I just wouldn’t or couldn’t.

          Not only that, I was angry with God.  Yes, you read that sentence correctly.  If there’s anything I won’t do on this blog site, it’s not be honest.  I’m embarrassed to say, there was a period where I was peeved with Him.  Oh, I knew in my mind and heart that He had a plan. But at that moment, and for those few hours, I had to tell Him WHY I was angry. I had to vent all my frustrations!   I realized that I’m not a Joseph, Moses, Abraham, Paul, Hannah or Peter (I knew this before, but realized it afresh and anew).  I spilled all my emotions and explained my case.  It’s not the first time in my life that I’ve blamed Him.  You? 

          About now, you may be questioning my faith or why I have a blog in the first place.  But hear me out.  Do you have family that you love?  Have you ever been so upset with your spouse and had a major fight?  Your child?  Sibling?  Good friend?  With each of these, if we’re close and honest, then there are times when our feelings are hurt or things have been misunderstood that we have to deal with that dirty laundry and express our emotions.  Otherwise, we will be tempted to hang on to the offense.  That’s just part of life and being human. We get upset; we get hurt and angry with people we’re close to.  I agree there’s a way to handle it.  Scripture reminds us of this truth numerous times.  In fact, the one that comes to mind is one I read today, Proverbs 29:11 “Fools give full vent to their anger but the wise bring calm in the end.”  I don’t want to be a fool.  Thankfully, I was able to listen to the Holy Spirit and not give full vent to it.

          My point is this.  If we’re walking with God and having an intimate relationship with Him, doesn’t it stand to reason we might get upset?  I think so. If “His ways are higher than ours” and “His thoughts greater than ours”, then it stands to reason, we’re not always going to see things from His perspective.  Thankfully, I can count on less than 5 fingers the number of times in my life I’ve questioned Him and lashed out.  But, all I know, is He has always accepted my anger…and He did this time as well.  He was patient and gave me time to work through my emotions.  He’s a BIG God that knows us better than ourselves.  He can handle my anger and tumultuous emotions.  He has BIG shoulders that can carry the burdens of many – and even my anger when it’s directed at HIM!

          Not only that, even when I was still distraught and down, He drew me back gently and kindly.  Even in the depths of my despair, when circumstances didn’t go the way I wanted, I heard, “Trust me, Laura”.  Not only was He tender and gracious, but He called me by name.  It was personal…something just between the two of us.  It wasn’t a generic plea.  He agonized with me and had empathy for my pain.

          And I realized at that very moment when I heard His voice, He didn’t have to respond.  He didn’t have to treat me kindly or even meet me where I was.  What a merciful God!  During this encounter, He was my Father God, but He was also that “friend that sticks closer than a brother”. 

          Through the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit, He further said, “Remember who I am and all the times I’ve worked”.  Oh, friends.  That was all it took.

          I confessed my wrong feelings of anger.  I remembered so many attributes that don’t just describe Him, but they ARE Him – love, grace, mercy, omniscience, sovereign, faithful, merciful, good, just, holy, righteous, compassionate, worthy, teacher, unlimited power, Alpha and Omega and on and on.  But then, I recalled His faithfulness in my life, my spouse’s life, my parent’s life, my married life, my son’s life, our family’s life and on and on. God helped me to remember His faithfulness even in the last few weeks as I recalled so many specific answers to prayer. And tons of times in which HE spoke and gave me encouragement…and helped me know what and how to pray.

          He forgave me of my anger.  I was thankful (and ashamed).

          And He, through His Word and other resources, reminded me to look to HIM.  To allow HIM to be the lifter of my head (Psalm 3) and not just look at the circumstances.

          When I look at the circumstances, they still seem HUGE.  In fact, the longer the situation goes, the more hopeless it appears.  But then I remember God is in the business of the impossible (Ephesians 3:20). I KNOW He is moving, working and doing 1,000 things that I’m not privy to.  That’s when I have to trust.

          I think of Sarah and Abraham who waited for years before God gave them a son (and how they both messed things up by not waiting but taking matters into their own hands).  I think of Joseph who waited in a prison cell.  I think of David, who had been told he would be King of Israel, but had to hide out in a cave as Saul was trying to kill him.  All of these had to question God – or question His timing.

          I KNOW He is growing me through the waiting.  He is growing my faith, my perseverance and my dependence on Him.  I don’t always like it; I don’t always want to grow.  But I do TRUST HIM!

          I don’t know how this heartbreaking situation will turn out.  All I know is God has told me to “keep persevering in prayer”.  Further, He reminds me often, “I’m hearing, moving and working”.  And He is with me — to comfort me, strengthen me, give me His amazing peace in the midst of this difficult storm and even come close to me when I lash out in unjustified anger.  What more could I ask for?

          If you’ve never gotten angry with God, then you won’t be able to relate to this article at all.  You might even think I’m bordering on being disrespectful or blasphemous.

          But, if you’re human and walking with the Lord, be honest with Him and yourself.  He is big enough to handle ALL of your emotions…and will love you in spite of them.  And just like when you argue or get upset with your spouse, a family member or friend, once you work through the junk, you become closer because of it. It’s the same with God, if not more so.  I have a new appreciation for Him and His ways.  He didn’t shun me, scold me for my anger or turn His back to me.  No, just the opposite!! He met me in my anger.  As His Word states in Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”, He did just that.  He approached me with a gentle word.  It didn’t take much.  How could I stay angry with the God of the Universe who gave up His Only Son to suffer and die an unjust death in my place?  He gave up His best for you and me when He willingly offered Jesus and put Him on the cross!

          Not only did He provide Jesus and forgive me of my unjustified anger, just a mere 48 hours after my lashing out to the God who is so loving, kind and forgiving, He put people in my path that are dealing with REAL difficulties.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  My issue is INSURMOUNTABLE. But God has helped me put it in perspective on several occasions.  Today was one of those days.  I got a phone call letting me know of someone whom I love dearly is in the hospital from dehydration, not eating and severe depression. Oh, how my heart broke.  Then, I called a shut-in from church to check on her, only to find out from her dear hubby that she has Alzheimer’s!!  I won’t even share the other scenarios with you. 

          You get the point, right?  I certainly did.  My heart ached for all of these.  And it did help my perspective and attitude.  I had to confess to God all over again and ask Him to forgive me. 

          Our great God didn’t point a finger of blame at me, but He waited until I was ready – and then He taught me more lessons about viewing the situation from a new perspective.  How grateful I am that He is always patient and is the consummate Teacher.  I pray I will be a teachable student, willing to be humbled and ready to learn and grow.

          Now, let’s talk about YOU.

          Are you wallowing in the emotions of your situation?  Are you possibly angry?  Grieving?  Despondent??

          I don’t know what you’re going through.  Perhaps your feelings are totally justified.

          Just don’t wallow in them. Vent, talk, cry, but eventually “Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you” (I Peter 5:7).  He’s just waiting for you to realize your need for Him.  Don’t try to deal with the problem or your emotions on your own.  It won’t work!

          How I pray being vulnerable and showing you the “real me” has helped someone out there in blog land.  If nothing else, may it help you realize you’re not the Lone Ranger.

          Most of all, I pray this article helps your eyesight.

          What?  Did I type that incorrectly?  NO!

Instead of you zooming in on your insurmountable mountain of a problem, adjust your lens.  Point your camera lens upward to a Perfect, Holy Creator God. The one who made the fish of the sea and the birds of the air.  If he feeds and provides for the smallest titmouse (that’s a tiny bird native to GA), He will certainly care for you.   Remember the God who created and rules over the Universe has the power, might and character to handle any and all situations. 

 He wants to come alongside you, as He did me, and replace your anger with calm/serenity, replace your fear with His peace, replace your stress/worry with contentment and replace the world’s way of looking at a problem with Knowing Him who is Able!!!