Legacy

The older I get, the more I ponder this question:  What legacy will I leave?

What will our son know and remember about me?  I don’t have grands yet, but if our son eventually gets married, and the Lord blesses him with children, what will those kiddos remember about me? 

What will family say about me?

What will close friends, co-workers, acquaintances remember?

Will I leave behind things that last and make a difference in someone’s life?

Recently, I was talking with a friend about cleaning out items in my house and especially our basement.  Her dad and my mom went to their heavenly home within a few months of each other.  All that to say, both of us had to make decisions on what stuff from our parents’ homes to keep, what to give away and what to donate or throw away.  I’m not sure if those of you reading this have ever been through that, but it’s a heart-wrenching task as almost every item you pick up reminds you of your loved one!!  Plus, the practical side of it is just daunting.

I treasure so many items that belonged to my parents.  Some, such as their wedding rings or the rings they purchased for one another on their 50^th wedding anniversary, are precious heirlooms that I hope to pass down.  Still, there are other items that hold value just for me.  I have a sugar and creamer that belonged to Mom that reminds me of her every time I use it.  I have recipe cards, handwritten by my talented and creative mother.  I have notes both of them wrote to me – sometimes in a card and sometimes just a little note they jotted.  There are pictures, photo albums, coins and many other keepsakes.  Some would be valuable monetarily; some are only valuable to me because of who they remind me of.

But knowing I’m getting older and not knowing when God may call me home, makes me stop and evaluate, what will I leave to the next generation?  Will it just be furniture, keepsakes that mean something to me but not necessarily my son?

A few years ago, I had moved in with my parents to help care for my dad.  Mom was on a walker and didn’t have good balance or stability.  Dad’s care was just beyond her; I knew that.  Norman, my husband, was extremely understanding.  He was basically a bachelor for about 6 weeks. 

While I was away, he had lots of time on his hands.  He opted to start writing down events from his life.  Now some of these were “most embarrassing” or “hilarious” events from his life.  But there were also numerous serious ones.  He included his testimony of how he first came to know the Lord and asked Jesus into his heart and life.  There were tons of stories of how God had answered prayers and opened doors for him to get a job.

One of my favorites occurred when he was only 13 years old.  Norman had a chronic pain in his side; it had gone on for several months and didn’t happen constantly, but it occurred on a regular basis.  One day it became so intense, the nurse called from his junior high for his mother to come and pick him up.  Long story short, he was put into the hospital.  They did x-rays and scans of his stomach area, and in the process “just happened” to get a picture of his lungs.  In the right lobe, he had a growth/tumor.  Doctors questioned Norman and his parents if he had been playing with birds, nests or the like.  He had not.  Anyway, he was diagnosed with histoplasmosis (a disease normally contracting by being around birds).  The lower part of Norman’s right lung had to be removed!!!  If this growth in his lung had not been found, the histoplasmosis would’ve killed him!!!  What a God thing!!!  Obviously, the good Lord had plans for my hubby.  Isn’t that an amazing and true story?

Needless to say, he included stories from his life just like that one…maybe not as dramatic, but still.  They were all testimonies of how God had moved and worked in his life.

Now that school is almost out, I plan on doing the same.  I have plenty of stories to share.  Like Norman, I will start with how God first drew me to Himself and let me know I needed Jesus at age 10.  In fact, our pastor has been emphasizing to us lately about writing out our testimony and making sure we share the details of our salvation experience with our families.  I know how my parents came to know Jesus, but the details are sketchy.  How can we be remiss in sharing this life-changing event?

I plan on writing stories of God’s faithfulness and putting them in a binder with sheet protectors so that they will be preserved (maybe not in a formal way) for future generations to read.

I guess I just want my son, future daughter-in-law, grandchildren and great grandchildren to know more than just a name and face…and that I was so-and-so’s mom.

Norman has done much research on family tree information.  His dad started this way back when there was no internet, google or search engines.  He gathered info the old-fashioned way, mainly from family members.  Sadly, it wasn’t until a few years before he passed away, that both of us took more of an interest.  All that to say, we know names of ancestors and our great-great grandfather or when babies died, etc.  But I want to be more than a name left on a family tree historical document.

I guess I want my memory and life to shine for Jesus even when I’m gone.

This verse in Proverbs 10:7 comes to mind, “The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.”    Even though they are dead and spirits are in heaven with God and Jesus, things about their character and life remain.  Oh, not because they were good and did wonderful deeds – but because they were covered by the righteousness of Jesus Christ!

My dad was THE most forgiving person I ever knew.  He just never held a grudge.  Did he go through life and just have people not offend him or what? You might be wondering.  No, he was just like you and me; things happened at work and other places that could’ve made him angry, bitter or resentful.  There was a man who worked at Delta and also lived in our neighborhood.  He and dad were friends; they talked and did a few things together.  He and mom socialized with this couple.  But this man, I’ll call him “B”, teased my dad relentlessly.  That was his nature, but it got out of control, so much so that one time my mom even said something to B.  But not my dad!  Another incident I vividly recall was my dad’s sister, who was single and had divorced way before I was born, did something that was a major slap in the face to my dad in particular.  I won’t go into the details.  But I was an adult and witnessed all this personally.  I remember being at my parents’ house, about to leave.  I was by myself and had already told my mother bye.  Dad and I were standing in the garage near my car.  I couldn’t hold it in any longer.  I talked to him about this situation with my Aunt Virginia.  I let him know how angry her actions made me.  You see, my dad (and mom) helped her at every turn…with major decisions, with home and car repairs, with maintenance, with finances.  I always said it was a blessing that Mom also had a sister that required the same kind of help.  In fact, she required more because she had children.  But, I digress.  Anyway, back to the story at hand. 

I brought it up to Dad that day and told him I thought he should confront his sister about what she had done.  My dad didn’t get angry; he didn’t react; he did seem slightly bothered.  He looked right at me and said, “How many times?”  I said, “What, Dad?”  “How many times does the Lord act us to turn the other cheek and forgive?”  I said, “Dad, I know, but in this case, she is just wrong and needs to hear from you.  It wasn’t fair or respectful to you.”  I kissed him bye as I had to get home.  I told him I loved him and he did me, as was the practice in my family whenever we said our farewells.

As I drove, I realized the wisdom in Dad’s response.  The decision Aunt Virginia made had already come to pass; nothing could be done at this point.  Dad knew if he confronted her, no good would come from it. He knew, and I did as well, that she would probably do something similar in the future.   It took me a while praying and talking to the Lord about it.  But I finally realized he was doing the right thing by forgiving and moving on.

Even now I’m dealing with a major issue with a family member.  Most of the time, my heart is grieved over choices this person is making.  But sometimes the hurt and anger well up in me – because of how their actions are impacting me/us.  When I go down that road, I have to pray and ask God to help me forgive…to give my anger and emotions to Him.  I recall certain Bible verses, such as “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ Jesus also forgave you.”  Ephesians 4:32.

But I also remember my precious dad and how it took this principle very seriously.  He never said it to me, but his choices and life spoke volumes.  In my mind, he wore a sign around his neck that said, “I’ve tried it my way in this area, and it’s not worth it.  Turn the other cheek and forgive.  It’s the only way to live.”

That’s just one of numerous character qualities that are his legacy. 

The way he set the example in that one area of life models Biblical principles that live on.  Even though he is dead, what mattered most in his life is NOT gone.  He is still instructing me, even from heaven.  Why?  Because his soul knew Jesus. 

The same with my mother.  Just like with dad, there are so many stories to recall and too many traits that linger and remind me daily of her impact.

But I will focus on one.  Mom was so selfless and giving, always thinking of others.  Even as a child, I remember watching her and being in awe.  She was always one of the first in our neighborhood to reach out to a neighbor who had had a death in the family; she didn’t just extend condolences, but Mom would be there with tons of food cooked.  Back then, no one just “picked up” food.  Everything was homemade and well-thought-through.  Mom just always GAVE of herself.  Not only did she care for my Gan (her mother) that lived with us, she gave up 3 years of her life, nursing her and seeing after every need.  My father came alongside her.  I’m embarrassed to even type this, much less relay the story.  When I was in college, and Gan had been diagnosed with colon cancer, sometimes Mom would be at the hospital all week.  She would leave Dad food cooked for meals, come home on the weekends to see us, do my laundry, cook wonderful meals and even send food back with me.  Then, she would head back to the hospital.  Looking back, I know she was exhausted, weary and worn down from that routine.  I never heard her complain.  My dad either!  I loved Gan dearly.  But I vividly remembered being called to the hospital when she had taken a turn for the worse.  It was during finals of my junior year.  I took an incomplete in every subject!  But I remember being so torn as I cried out to God.  I prayed for him to touch my grandmother and keep her from dying, but in the next breath I prayed for him to take her so she wouldn’t have to suffer anymore.  And I prayed he would take her so Mom could get back to living – and she and Dad could have a life together!!!  Oh, the emotions were all over the place like ping pong balls ricocheting around the hospital corridors.  That’s been 40 years, but I still remember it like yesterday.

But it’s one thing to care for your own mother, but Mom cared for a great aunt, as well as a friend’s mother years later.  She was a caregiver extraordinaire.  Thinking of others before herself was just in her nature.  It oozed out of her pores.  She didn’t have to work at it; it seemed as natural as breathing.

So often, I recall the last few weeks of her life.  It was during Covid so things in the world were turmoil.  But she had asked me to get her several apples at the grocery store.  She knew my husband Norman loved her apple salad, and she wanted to make it for him…especially for him.  Since losing Dad, Mom had relied heavily on Norman’s advice and looked to him for many decisions.  The apple salad was just one of many ways she expressed her love and appreciation to Norman.  But, she never got to make it.  The excruciating pain in her arm became too intense.  We later found out it was multiple myeloma (bone cancer).  The fact that she even thought of making that apple salad still amazes me!  Like always, her thought wasn’t of her pain, but of what she could do for her son-in-law.

When I first moved in with Mom, we thought the pain in her arm was tendonitis.  As every treatment and medicine didn’t work or alleviate the pain, we both realized it was something else.  During that time, she was in excruciating pain.  She had a high tolerance for pain and didn’t complain so I knew something major was going on.  But, even with that kind of chronic pain that never let up, she still thought of Nathan, her only grandson.  He was having a job interview that week.  She prayed for him and asked all about it.  In addition, she called a friend who had had a stroke and another friend who was having some health problems.  It’s just who she was!!  Even in pain, her thoughts were of others.  Oh, what a legacy she leaves!

Just like Dad, there are many other qualities that remain and linger.  Her heart was so united with Jesus that she couldn’t help but make an impact on all who knew her.

This one might be silly or trivial.  But when I’m in a dressing room trying on clothes to decide if I want to buy and something falls off the hanger or I’m tempted to leave something in the dressing room, I hear her voice.  “Laura, I’ve taught you better than that.  Don’t leave that for someone else to do!”  I continue to be thankful for that voice!  It’s guided me and kept me out of trouble so many times.

Now, parents aren’t the only ones who live an incredible legacy.

I’ve reminded of Dr. Charles Stanley who credits his grandfather for being such an influential person in his life.  He was a Pentecostal preacher who taught his only grandson much about God, the Bible and faith.  In his book, Courageous Faith, Dr. Stanley relays the true tale of how his grandfather taught him to “Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him” (One of Dr. Stanley’s now famous 30 Life Principles).  But the example his grandfather gave is one that has always stuck with me.  He said, “Charles, if God tells you to go running headfirst at that brick wall, you do it!!!  Believe God will make a hole!”  His legacy of faith made a lasting impression on young Charles and totally affected his preaching and ministry.

How about you?  Have you paused to think about your legacy?

I think the best way to leave a lasting legacy that impacts those around you is to be obedient to the Lord…to use your gifts and do what HE’s called you to do.

This verse reminds us that just like a flower that blooms, we embody an aroma or fragrance.  We leave it behind wherever we go, whether it’s to our workplace, the grocery store, church or wherever. 

What kind of fragrance or aroma are you leaving for others? 

Are you quick to get offended?  Fly off the handle about small, insignificant things?  Hold a grudge and not forgive?  Is that what you’ll be remembered for?

Does your fragrance or aroma point others to Jesus?

Today, I was reminded of this very truth.  I went out to water begonias in my planters on the front porch.  As I stepped closer to water them, I breathed in the pungent, undeniable fragrance of gardenias.  Next to our front walkway, we have shrubs of miniature gardenia bushes…and many were in bloom today.  Immediately, that refreshing fragrance took me back to my childhood.  Growing up, we had a huge gardenia bush on the side of our house that my parents planted shortly after they moved in.  It always had oodles of blooms; Mom would cut clippings and bring them in, especially in the spring and summer months. On spring evenings and hot summer days, that unmistakable lovely aroma of gardenias filled our home.  Still to this day, I think of my mother in the kitchen, my dad working outside and just the carefree life of being a secure and happy child…all from the fragrance of one flower. That fragrance from a lovely white flower transports me to a carefree, wonderful time when life was simple – full of laughter, playing outside catching lightning bugs, playing ball games with neighborhood friends and only being afraid of granddaddy long legged spiders!!

If one flower can evoke such strong memories, what can one life do?

I’m reminded of this verse Paul writes in II Corinthians 15, “For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.”

Has your fragrance been lingering?  Pleasing to God and others?  Does it point others to Jesus?

Some of my legacy has already been written as I’ve lived out most of my years on this earth.  Even as I type that sentence, it’s a hard reality to take it.  Still, it’s up to me how I will finish – and what my ultimate legacy will be.    Even as I ponder this question tonight, I recall a statement that was popular when I was in high school (back in the 80s – yes, I know that was a LONG time ago).  I haven’t heard it in years, but it seems quite appropriate related to this subject.

“Only one life will soon be passed.  Only what’s done for Christ will last.”