Forgiveness

Are you a list maker?  I am!  I love to make a “to do” list – and even more, I love the feeling of crossing off responsibilities and/or goals.  It gives me such a sense of accomplishment, whether it’s a small task or a monumental one!

Do you make “mental checklists” in your Christian life?

By that, I mean, you know the areas where you excel or have an easier time?  And the ones you definitely need to rely on the Holy Spirit!  Typically, we don’t speak these things aloud.  But in some areas, you might just have the thought, “I don’t really need help in that area.  I’ve got this under control.”

The older I get, the more I’m convinced we need the Holy Spirit in EVERY area.  But truly we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

For me, forgiveness was an area in which I knew God helped me, and I didn’t have to work on it too much.  I don’t say that braggingly.  I’m not implying there haven’t been people along life’s journey that haven’t caused me to cry out to the Lord and ask Him to help me forgive.  There have been plenty – family members, friends, church people, co-workers and the list is numerous.

But when I was a girl growing up, I didn’t struggle to forgive. Again, I don’t say that braggingly.  Just trying to be transparent and honest.  Perhaps it was because of my personality.  Maybe it was due to the fact that I saw my parents live out their faith.  They were far from perfect.  But I did see them consistently forgive one another or a family member.  My dad especially exhibited this trait.  I’ve seen him “turn the other cheek” too many times to count.  One time when I was so upset with a family member (whose now in heaven) for taking advantage of my parents, and especially my dad, I was almost in full-blown rage.  My angered boiled up in me.  By this time, I was in my early 30s and well-aware of the situation.  In my mind and by my assessment, this family member deserved a piece of Dad’s mind – and mine as well.  What she did was flat wrong!!!  And so inconsiderate of my parents, who had a history of helping her in tangible, practical and numerous ways (financially and with sweat, blood and tears).  Anyway, my dad was calm and resolute.  He just looked and me and remarked, “Laura (he only called me by my given name when he was upset with me or really wanted to make a point.  Other times, he called me “Puddy”.  His special name given to me at birth when he exclaimed, “There’s little pudding.”  I digress.)  As we continued to talk, Dad just turned to me and simply said, “How many times?”  I replied, “Dad, what?  What do you mean how many times?”  Dad continued, “How many times does Jesus tell us to turn the other cheek?”  It was just Dad and I talking. I said, “Dad, I know the Word says 70 X 7, but there are times you need to confront someone….”

There was such wisdom, calmness and resolve in his response.  I kissed him goodbye and agreed to disagree.  But as I made the 30-minute drive back home to Norman/Nathan, I thought about our conversation.  Perhaps Dad was right.  He had lived longer than me; he knew by confronting this family member nothing was going to change.  He knew he needed to get past the situation and forgive. 

I, on the other hand, had a tougher time in that situation.

But just recently, God has been showing me that forgiveness is not as easy or a “slam dunk”, as I previously thought. 

Forgiveness doesn’t come as easily as it used to – or in certain situations.

A few months ago, my morning devotion was on forgiveness.  Usually, I just read from one devotional book and move on to my Bible and then pray.  This particular morning, I grabbed another devotional book and read the passage for that day.  It was also on forgiveness.  I thought that was an odd coincidence.  As my pastor, Dennis Watson always states, “There’s no such thing as coincidence in God’s world.”  I totally agree with him. 

I even paused and prayed after I read the second devotion and said something like, “Lord, whatever happens today, please let me apply this truth to the situation – and will you give me the strength and power to forgive?”

I went on my merry way and started my day.

After doing some morning chores, I received a call from a family member.  After a few minutes in, this person got upset with me because I didn’t agree with his opinion.  And I suggested that he consult the Lord.  It went downhill from there.  But not only that, this family member responded with unkind words and anger. The Holy Spirit reminded me that I had just spoken truth, and in the process, hit a nerve.

I knew I wasn’t at fault.  I had been praying throughout the entire conversation. 

Even though I didn’t respond back in anger, I was upset and really hurt.  I felt pierced, wounded and betrayed.

I knew it was a symptom of my family member’s heart, but it still hurt.  It was hard to forgive and get past the matter.

Later, when my husband arrived home from work, I relayed the story and encounter to him.  He had a rough day and didn’t respond with what I needed right then.  Again, it went downhill from there.  (And yes, I’ve asked my hubby’s permission to share this).

After a few hours of feeling sorry for myself, crying, and praying to the Lord, I went back and reread one of those devotions. 

I knew God was calling me to forgive the family member and my hubby.  To be honest, I didn’t want to in either case.

You see, I told God that I was “in the right”.

Have you ever told God things like that?  And tried to justify your behavior?

It seems ridiculous even as I type it.

God had to remind me that HE was justified in holding my sin against me.  He was justified if he had chosen NOT to forgive me.

He would’ve been justified in just leaving me in my sin and not sending Jesus.

But He responded with mercy, not judgement.

He responds to each of us with grace…not condemnation.

All that to say, I knew God was calling me to forgive both people.

So, finally, I quit TELLING the Lord.  I finally gave in…and LISTENED to the Holy Spirit.

I distinctly heard Him remind me to give Him all my anger, emotions and unjust feelings.  And especially my unforgiveness.

I ASKED Him to give me the strength to give up MY rights…to lay them down.  I pictured myself going to the foot of the cross with Jesus hanging there – and blood dripping down from his excruciating wounds and tears in his flesh.

He had every RIGHT to come down off the cross.  Jesus was perfect and holy in every way.  He didn’t deserve the horrific, agonizing death he endured.  But He laid down His rights because of His love for you and me, and His love for the Father – not to mention His obediene. 

How could I not do the same and follow His example?  That attitude is what God was asking of me.

To wave the white flag of surrender.

I told Him I wasn’t capable of doing it on my own.  I needed HIM to empower me.

The Holy Spirit brought to mind a verse my hubby and I memorized when we were first married.  Ephesians 4:32, “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ Jesus has also forgiven you.” 

This verse always pierces my heart because it again draws me back to Calvary.  It reminds me that even while Jesus was on the cross in agony, He prayed, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing.”

All I know is I was freed up after releasing my anger to the Father.  It didn’t solve all the problems.  But it sure replaced my anger, bitterness and self-pity with peace and calm.

How about you?  Is there someone that you need to forgive – or are you holding on to “your rights”?

Years ago Norman and I heard a speaker at a marriage conference say, “Forgiveness means giving up the right to punish.”

Who are you still holding a grudge against that you should’ve given up long ago?

Who are you still trying to punish?

Let it go, friend! The bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness will eat away at your heart and infect it.  Live freed up in Jesus!

And remember this promise related to forgiveness.  It is stark – and a wonderful motivation to forgive!

Matthew 6:14-15 – For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Wouldn’t it be an incredible feeling to mark “that person” off your mental list and truly forgive? Don’t delay! Ask the Father for His Spirit to equip you to fully forgive. Only through Jesus is that even possible!