This topic is still on my heart. God put a burden there, I believe. He’s taught me much in this area. Forgive me if you’re ready to move on. I just think surrender is so key to following Christ that it’s worth spending more time delving into it.
Two more stories come to mind and more verses as well.
As a young girl in my twenties, I had moved back home after college and was still living with my parents and teaching school. During this time, I kept having reoccurring dreams of little black babies and children. I couldn’t quite figure out the “why” or connect the dots. I loved children and had worked with kids of various ages for numerous years. At the time, I taught 4th grade in a predominantly white elementary school in my home county. Out of the blue, I received a phone call from a dear college friend. She and I had been involved in Baptist Student Union during our days at Georgia College. Julie said, “Laura, you’ll think this is so weird. But God put you on my heart. I’m calling to see if you would be interested in going to Liberia, West Africa with me, my pastor and his wife, and a team from all over the state of GA”. Now, the dreams made sense. God had been preparing me. I did pray and knew I was supposed to go on this trip. God had given me a heart for the people in Liberia, and I had never met them!
A month or so prior to the trip, I felt that God may be calling me to full-time missions. Needless to say, this thought totally threw me for a loop. I had been out of college for about 3 years, teaching school and loving it. This possibility definitely created angst and threw a monkey wrench into my plans. I was somewhat fearful, but mainly I was so conflicted and didn’t really understand what God was doing.
Thankfully, my former youth minister, Larry Lawrence, who had been extremely instrumental in my spiritual life as a teen was serving back on staff at my home church, where I was attending. I went to see Larry and asked for his advice. As we walked and talked, he listened intently. Then, he wisely said, “Laura, God may be calling you into full-time mission work or may not be. But perhaps He wants to see if you are willing.” That was it!! I knew immediately when Larry spoke these words. God was just trying to get me to a point of surrender. To say, “Yes, Lord, I’m willing to do whatever you call me to do, whether it be Africa or elsewhere.” I prayed the words of an old hymn, “Wherever He Leads, I’ll Go”.
I still didn’t know what the future would hold, but I had a peace. I knew God was just dealing with my heart. He wanted to see if I was open to leaving my future in His hands. And that might mean leaving my family, friends and what I was familiar with to serve Him in a foreign land.
After many months of praying and seeking, I knew God was NOT calling me to be a full-time missionary. But I had a peace that I had gotten to the point where I was willing if He put that calling on my life.
But God so used that trip to grow my faith. I saw an 80+ year old Muslim man in a remote village pray to receive Christ. The missionary shared with us later that he had been praying and ministering to this man for over 3 years. For him to turn his back on what he knew and had falsely believed and surrender his life to Jesus after all these years of his life was truly a miracle!
But I also witnessed children in the bush being grateful for the gifts we carried – crayons that they had never seen or didn’t even know the purpose; I saw kids so enamored with balloons that were “foreign objects” but brought exceeding joy and the list goes on and on. One mom who was pregnant and gave birth to her baby while we were there named her baby, Chick-fil-A. Why? Because Chick-fil-A had donated tons of balloons. The Mom saw the trademark imprinted on the donated balloons and thought it was unique and special. They did speak English in Liberia. I was able to return home and tell the CFA operator who had donated those balloons about the honor of having a baby named after his Christian company!
Right before we were supposed to leave for the trip, my dear friend, Julie had a catastrophe happen in her family. Her stepdad, who was the only father she had ever known, had a serious stroke. He was weak and not doing well. Julie prayed, and I prayed for her. She made the excruciating decision NOT to go. We had prayed, planned and prepared; I was heartbroken for her. Not only that, Julie was so afraid of shots. She had endured and persevered to get ALL 10 shots we needed for protection before going to Africa. Even as we both cried at the airport, I knew God had prepared me to lead the missionaries’ children, as well as the children in the bush. And God did give Julie other opportunities to go on future mission trips, just not this one.
I was never the same after that mission trip. God taught me what it meant to think of others and the focus not to be on me. But He also showed me that He was big enough to be in Africa, Georgia or wherever. It expanded my view of Him and His omnipresence, omnipotence and omniscience. It made me realize even more how truly control He is!
I distinctly remember one weekend, being down and feeling a little homesick for my family, friends and familiar sites. As I was reading the Bible and praying, I remember looking up from the porch of the missionary’s home where I was staying and seeing beautiful mountains in the distance. They looked majestic, especially at sunset. That’s when I read Psalm 121:1-3, “I lift my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth.” Still to this day when I read that Psalm, it takes me back to that moment in time, and in my mind’s eye, I can still picture those gorgeous mountains in West Africa – and how God ministered to me through His Word. He taught me at every turn that He is everywhere! As David, the Psalmist, declared in Psalm 139: 7-8, “Where can I go from your presence? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.” Such a somewhat threatening thought, but mainly it’s a comforting and amazing one!
But God also taught me that to fully use me in His service, surrender needs to come first. I would need to be stripped of self.
Fast forward to today.
Please don’t think after reading this saga that I have “surrender” mastered. Far from it. I think the God who made the Universe, the planets, the stars and multiple galaxies knows us well. It takes time and practice for us to learn lessons.
I don’t know about you, but just when I think I have it together, that’s when I crash and burn – and realize that I am far from spiritually mature. It’s defeating on the one hand, but it’s a cycle as well. My failures remind me and point me to my constant need for Jesus. It reminds me of what Paul says in Romans 7:19-25 (Amplified Bible): “For the good that I want to do, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want to do, I am no longer the one doing it, but the sin nature which lives in me.”
Back when I went to Africa, I was in my 20s. Currently, I’m in my 60s. You would think during that 40-year span, I would’ve learned HOW to surrender. But in my opinion, surrender might be more difficult in some ways TODAY than it was years ago. Now I have a husband and son. Just a few years ago, I still had my parents and more extended family. There were more people to surrender!! Can you relate?
In addition, there are many hindrances to true surrender and living a life dependent on the King.
Here are just a few that the Holy Spirit brought to mind:
Our need to control – It’s a constant; We battle our flesh and our sinful “old self” rears its ugly head no matter how long we’ve known Jesus. We want to be in control and know the series of events and outcomes.
Our need to fit in with the world – Jesus reminded us of this fact when He addressed His disciples right before He went to the cross. He tells us plainly that we shouldn’t love the world. “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world – the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does – comes not from the Father but from the world.” I John 2:15-17.
Our need to understand and SEE the end result – I certainly struggle with this one. God is teaching me to walk by faith vs. walking by sight.
Our pride and stubborn nature – As I heard a pastor say recently, “Our natural bent is away from God. We have to work and rely on the Holy Spirit at every turn to keep us running back to Him – and not think we have all the answers.” Our pride can certainly get in the way.
Then there are some just basic things
Laziness
Lack of faith
Lack of trust
Needing tangible assurances
Loving/holding on to the wrong priorities/things
Even as I was finishing up writing/typing this article, God brought another example to mind. If you’ve been married for any length of time or even if you’re not, I’m sure you can relate to this experience. Just recently, my hubby did something that hurt me considerably. I know it wasn’t intentional, but it felt like it. It felt like he should’ve known how to handle an issue and how to respond. He apologized; and I also recognized that I was very vulnerable and sensitive during this time (for reasons too complicated to explain). Whatever the case, when I prayed about this issue and took it to the Lord, I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “Give it to me, Laura. Don’t hold on to it.” And then a verse popped into my head (it just “happened to be” the first verse we memorized together as a couple when we were first married – no coincidence, right?). The Holy Spirit brought to mind Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as Christ Jesus has also forgiven you.” What a reminder!!! Jesus forgave me of my sins when I first came to him, asking Him to be my Savior. But He continues to forgive me daily for every transgression and sin. How could I hold on to the offense against my husband, in light of this truth? Still, at this moment, I had a choice. Do I surrender my will or do I keep hanging on to the unforgiveness, refusing to bow my will? I did give it to God; it took me longer than what I’d like to admit. Surrender can be tough, but without it, I don’t think we will ever experience the “abundant life” Jesus refers to.
Lately, even more than forgiveness, God has been teaching me to surrender not just with the BIG decisions of life, but even in the everyday ordinary “slices of life” moments.
You know…when I wake up on days I’m not working and have my own agenda vs. asking HIM what He wants of me.
Or when I get busy with household chores or talking with a friend before ever sitting down and being still and having my quiet time and devotions.
Recently I have struggled with being selfish with MY time. For example, my hubby will be out of town part of this weekend. I have a long list of what I want to accomplish. But then, I hear the Holy Spirit softly whisper, “What about going to see that widow that is lonely? That friend of your mom’s that you need to keep in touch with?” Some days my heart follows the Holy Spirit and responds in obedience. Other moments and days I wrestle and argue.
Can you relate to this struggle?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we don’t need time to ourselves to refresh and rejuvenate. But the world’s way of thinking has so crept into our mindsight and our heart.
The world says, “You deserve it. Make time for YOU. You are the priority.”
Jesus says, “Die to self. I am the only one worthy. Time spent with me will fill you; I’m the only ONE who truly satisfies. I will give you the strength to serve and do for others – and to live a life that brings Me glory!”
All I know is Jesus set the example in this area. Philippians 2 describes it beautifully. Jesus, even though He had the character and power of God, didn’t cling to HIS rights. Instead, He submitted and SURRENDERED all His rights to the Father and the Father’s will. Jesus surrendered even to the point of an excruciating, horrible and gruesome torture and death that He didn’t deserve. All of this He endured out of His obedience and love for the Father and for you and me.
Surely as we gaze at the cross and contemplate all He did, we are moved and the Holy Spirit encourages us to surrender and follow our Role Model, Jesus. But it’s our heart condition that matters. When we refuse to surrender, we run the risk of hardening our heart…and drifting further from the Lord. That’s too much of a risk!
The words of this old hymn sum it up perfectly.
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And poor contempt on all my pride
Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were a present far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my heart, my soul, my all
Laura's Lines 