Over the years, I’ve had numerous “God winks”. You know, when God communicates with you in such a special way that it’s unmistakable; it was obvious that what occurred was a “sign” or message from Him. Here are just a few that stand out in my mind:
When Nathan was a junior in high school, I remember him wrestling with some issues regarding his faith. He had opened up and shared some with Norman and me, but I suspected Nathan wasn’t vulnerable about everything he was experiencing. During this time, Norman and I tried not to push. We knew if we coaxed or persuaded too much, it would just cause Nathan to run the opposite way. Our job was to still guide, but mainly pray. Pray I did. But it was excruciating to watch at times…and sit back as a mom. I don’t do that “sitting back” well. But I knew God was going to have to get him through this battle.
I distinctly remember things coming to a head towards the end of his junior year. This particular Saturday, he was so moody and grouchy, as any normal teenager can be. It was early on a Saturday morning, and he was busy doing homework in his room. I was in the living room, having my devotions…praying and crying out to God…mainly for him. I remember praying (not where he could hear), “Lord, please give me a sign that he still loves you…protect him from the schemes of the enemy. Help him trust you. And let me see some evidence that he’s on the right side of things.” I needed a sign or some kind of assurance from the Lord.
At this time, Nathan’s first job was cleaning our neighborhood pool. He and several other teenagers rotated cleaning the pool, bathrooms and surrounding pool area for our neighborhood. This particular Saturday, he was finishing up an English paper for school and was about to head to the pool to get cleaning done before scads of neighbors would appear.
I always proofed his papers, and he hated that. If I didn’t at that age, he would just slap down whatever and be content with it. I had to hold his feet to the fire in this particular area.
As he got ready to walk out the door, I asked him if I could see his rough draft. He casually tossed it to me, irritated that I was asking him.
I heard him drive away in his little white Ford F150 truck to head to the pool. I finished my prayer time with the Lord…and again cried out for a sign for him that Nathan was still “on track and still had a heart for Him.”
I was discouraged and worried about his walk with the Lord, and his cranky mood before he left didn’t help. As all these emotions were churning inside of me, I finally took his paper that he had so flippantly tossed to me, and began reading it. Several days prior, he had informed me that the assignment in his English class was to write a “stance” paper. In other words, choose a topic in which you have a strong opinion or a certain stance and can back it up with evidence, beliefs, etc.
As I read the first few sentences, I began to cry. As I finished it, I started weeping…uncontrollably. His paper was on how abortion was wrong and how God was the author of life. I was blown away!!! I knew he was pro-life and had strong beliefs. But the way he had expressed himself in this paper and communicated his thoughts stunned me. He had deep-seeded beliefs and backed them up with scripture and science! I was proud and impressed! And, it was also obvious that it wasn’t his usual “do enough to get by” paper. He had put real thought, time, meaning and conviction into every word!
God had truly answered my prayer and then some!!! I was encouraged and uplifted. What an incredible God we serve! He is so faithful!
My next memorable “God wink” also concerned Nathan. It was near the end of his senior year. Nathan had always been an exceptionally bright child and student. But after elementary school, he didn’t always put forth his best effort; he had some growing up to do. So, when Norman and I were thinking and considering college for him, there were many mixed emotions.
Both of us WANTED him to go OFF to college. From my experience, being away from my parents and family helped me grow up, take responsibility and not be so dependent on my parents. Both of us longed for Nathan to have that experience, grow and mature.
But I was very worried. I still had to remind Nathan of too many deadlines, responsibilities, etc. In addition, he had always enjoyed playing video games with friends, but his love for this had reemerged, and he was spending an excessive amount of time with this pastime. Norman and I were concerned that this “time waster” would carry over to college. Not only that, but we had numerous friends who had sent their young men off to college a few years prior to Nathan graduating and in at least 5-6 cases, all of them had to bring each of their boys home. Either the boys were partying, not studying or couldn’t handle the demands and responsibilities of college life.
We were down to the wire. Nathan had been accepted at Lee University in Cleveland, TN. In fact, he received two music scholarships. We were super proud of him for this accomplishment. But even with good grades and the scholarships, we still had our doubts.
Norman and I agreed that he needed to go. As always, Norman made the decision and never looked back. On the other hand, I make a decision and tend to question, analyze, talk to God repeatedly and the like.
This particular morning, I was home and not working. I got up and out early for a walk. Duchess, our miniature daschund, accompanied me as she loved to walk, as well as stop and smell every flower, bush or blade of grass. Also, it’s important to note…Duchess barked at every person that went by, every squirrel that moved or leaf that blew…seriously. We loved her, but we couldn’t train her not to bark!! She was super attentive, aware of her surroundings and thought she was a giant watch dog!
Duchess and I walked to our neighborhood park and as we were returning, I continued to pray. “Lord, I know Nathan needs to go away to college. I know he needs this experience and to learn to be independent. I want him to succeed. But I’m so afraid without me there to be his safety net, he’s going to play video games, not manage his time well, etc. and may fall flat on his face (I remember using this exact term). Please, Lord. Let me hear from you. Are we making a mistake? I need your wisdom.”
I distinctly remember being on the sidewalk in front of one of our neighbor’s houses. She was a widow and dear friend of mine. I paused as a tiny bird landed directly in front of Duchess on the sidewalk. This bird was only 1-2 feet from Duchess, but our little dog didn’t utter a sound. It was as if she was blinded to the bird’s appearance. God spoke, “Laura, do you see that little bird? I take care of him, help him find a nest and food to eat. How much more do I love your boy? He’s going to soar!! Trust me!” Oh, friends. His words were as clear as a bell to me!!! And a peace washed over me!!!
Nathan did go off to college, and he did soar!!! He wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t fall flat on his face. But I’ll never forget that little bird on the path; I will never forget Duchie being silent; and I will never forget God speaking to me so personally and caring enough about our little issue and corner of the world.
There are many other God winks I could write about, but for me, this God wink is one of the most meaningful. It occurred shortly after my dad died. He had been sick with emphysema and congestive heart failure; he had been in and out of the hospital and then rehab; we knew his death was eminent. It was a blessing to KNOW that he would be in heaven, whole and healed, not suffering or in pain, because he knew and loved Jesus. But nothing can really prepare you for that kind of loss or separation. I was grieving and missing Dad something fierce. And I was really hurting for Mom, knowing she was missing the love of her life.
A few days after Dad passed, I had walked out on the porch to take out some trash. There was movement or something that caught my attention. As I walked out further in the driveway, I saw two cardinals flying together. Cardinals are a rare sight around here so seeing two together caught my eye. I watched as that pair flew together in harmony around trees and in a certain path. And then, as if they were instructed, one flew around the other one (as if saying goodbye) and then flew off. The one that flew off was the male, the more beautiful one of the two. Needless to say, I was in tears by then. God had painted me a picture – and spoke to me in the process. He and Mom had flown together for a long while…almost 60 years, but Dad was God’s now. It was his time; God had called him “home”. It was THE most vivid “God wink” I had ever experienced!
Oh, what a personal, caring and compassionate God we serve!!! He’s so creative and tender in the way He speaks, communicates and demonstrates His love.
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