Blindsided

Have you ever been trucking along in life, thinking that you have your act together spiritually – at least somewhat, and then BOOM!!  Out of the blue, something knocks the props out from under you.  Blindsided.

This scenario happened to me the other day.

A few days prior I was actually singing the old hymn, “Higher Ground”.  Just in case you’re not familiar with this tune, here are some of the words:

“I’m pressing on the upward way, new heights I’m gaining everyday

Still praying as I’m onward bound, ‘Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.

Lord, lift me up and let me stand, by faith on heaven’s table land,

A higher plane than I have found, Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.”

I was singing the words to this song, content in my spirit and feeling like I was close to the Lord and moving in the right direction.  Oh, that doesn’t imply I thought everything was perfect with me.  But you know what I mean…I had been consistent in spending time with the Lord; I felt like I was moving towards “higher ground” spiritually with Him; there were no major sins to confess; no one that I had knowingly wronged and no bitterness/anger/unforgiveness and the like.  The Lord and I had some intimate times together, and I felt like I was growing and content.  I had witnessed the Lord answer some major prayer requests…and move as only He could.

Then, out of nowhere it hit.

Here’s a vague and brief synopsis. I was serving the Lord “supposedly” in a certain area of ministry at church. I had prayed for some clear direction and a specific idea.  The Lord came through and gave me a creative idea, I thought.  An incredible idea!!  But then, someone poured cold water on it.  Someone took the wind out from under my sails, as it were.  At least for me, on this particular day and at this inopportune moment, everything came crashing down….my spiritual maturity, my good attitude, my contentment and peace, my excitement and zeal for serving and my whole disposition. 

In hindsight and even as I type, it seems so childish.  It was childish.  But in that brief moment, I wallowed in it.  I was frustrated; upset; casting blame; looking to the culprit or the person who didn’t share my enthusiasm vs. looking to what God wanted me to learn.

I responded “in the flesh” and didn’t seek “higher ground”.  I had nose dived and my selfishness and childishness were leading the way!

Don’t be reading this and saying you’ve never been there.  Friend, I KNOW you’ve been there.  It might not be the same exact set of circumstances, but I know you’ve experienced something similar.

Perhaps it was a situation with a family member where you KNOW you were in the right. You struggled to forgive, to get past it and move on.  Maybe it was a scenario at church in which you were offended…beyond offended, but hurt and misunderstood.  Or maybe it was something in the work place where a fellow employee undercut you or made you look bad to the boss.  I don’t know YOUR situation.  But God does.

What’s the point?  What do you do when your sinful nature raises its ugly head and challenges you — and you cave?  What do you do when you respond in the flesh vs. being Christlike?

I’m embarrassed to say, it took me a couple of hours to get my composure.  I had much on my plate and didn’t have time to deal with issues like this.  The enemy loves it when we are stressed out, busy and distracted…for it’s during those times when he knows exactly how to push our buttons and take advantage of our weaknesses. 

 I finally stopped and prayed.  I had to breathe and slow down.  I had to confess my bad attitude and at first, I had to “justify” to the Lord my side of things.  Come on, you’ve been there.  It’s almost like a kid crying to his parent and hearing in his voice how silly the entire thing sounds.

But once, I started talking to the Lord, my attitude began to change.  I began to see things more from His perspective.  I began to realize that I needed to take my hands off the situation (and the creative, incredible idea) and let Him be in control.  More than that, I needed Him to be in control of ME….my emotions, my thoughts, my attitude and especially my heart.  If I was going to serve and not just go through the motions, I would have to do deal with this issue NOW and let the Lord chip off every ugly, childish and immature piece of me.  It wasn’t easy.  I didn’t want Him to at first.  I wanted to stay in my state of unforgiveness and pouting. I wasn’t ready to be cleansed and run through the “car wash of righteousness” if you will.  I wanted to hang on to my rights and my “stuff” a little while longer.  I wasn’t ready to exchange them quite yet for the right/best thing

But I realized at this point, as I have numerous times before, I have a huge choice.

I can decide to succumb to my flesh and let those emotions and SELF control and dominate me.  I can justify what I’m feeling; I can justify holding a grudge or being upset or whatever the case may be. 

Or I can submit.  And let Jesus control me; no matter whose fault it is, no matter what the circumstances are, no matter how hurt or wounded I feel. 

I chose the latter, and as always, it made all the difference.  It took a little while.  But my peace returned. 

I want my heart to be like play dough, fresh play dough – moldable, pliable, soft and tender.

If I choose to hold on to the hurt, bitterness, childishness or even JUSTIFIED emotions in the flesh, it won’t take long until my heart becomes like a rock…or even a boulder.  I don’t want that!!  EVER.

Is SELF/FLESH on the throne of your life or JESUS?   

Here are some verses that helped me in this situation and/or have helped me in the past.

As always, I pray my being open about my own struggles helps at least one of you.  I can only trust that God, through the Holy Spirit, is using something I’ve written or shared to speak to YOU.

Psalm 66:18 – If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.  Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!

Psalm 73:23-26  – Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.  Who have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 51:10-12 – Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do no cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalm 55: 16-19  – But I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.  He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me…

Psalm 51:16-17 – You do not delight in sacrifice or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart

Psalm 86: 5-13 – You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love, to all who call to you.  Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy.  In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.  Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours!  All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.  For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.  Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.  I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.  For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

I John 4:7-20 I won’t type out this chapter, but I strongly encourage you to read it.  Read it again and pray, especially if you’re having trouble loving a brother or sister in Christ. Confess to God that you’re powerless to love in your own strength.  Ask HIM for help!!!

And finally, one of my faves….

I Peter 2:23 – 25 – When they hurled their insults at him (Jesus), he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.  Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.  He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds, you have been healed.  For you were like sheep going astray, by now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. 

I’m praying for you, friend.  Praying you submit and don’t buy into the lies of the enemy who wants to “steal your joy and kill your relationship” with the ONE who bought you with a price!!  Nothing is worth holding on to in exchange for the abundant life God offers through Christ.  I love you.  God loves you more.